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To marry or not to marry: the crush conundrum

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To some extent, you should marry someone you feel physically and emotionally attracted to. Many times, it can be challenging to be married to someone you have no feelings for.

Despite this, it is also dangerous and regrettable to marry someone solely based on your reason that you are physically and emotionally attracted to them. This is because marriage is a whole institution on its own, and goes far beyond mere physical and sexual attraction.

If you marry someone only on the basis of sexual chemistry or physical attraction; you are most likely going to live to regret that decision later on. This leads me to what the Scrip­tures say in Proverbs 31:30,

“Charm is DECEPTIVE, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” –NIV

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“Charm is deceptive, and BEAU­TY DOES NOT LAST; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised.” – NLT

What does this Scripture mean?

Here in Proverbs 31:30, we understand that: I. Charm is decep­tive, and II. Beauty fades with age.

Charm – sweet words, physical looks or stature is deceptive. This is supported by Proverbs 26:23-25, which states:

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“Like a coating of silver dross on earthenware are fervent lips with an evil heart. Enemies disguise themselves with their lips, but in their hearts they harbour deceit. Though their speech is charming, do not believe them, for seven abom­inations fill their hearts” (Proverbs 26:23-25).

There are those who are natu­rally charming and yet, they have many other godly character traits that make them admirable. They are innocent of deceit and have goodness in their hearts.

But this verse is speaking of a common type of charm that hides one’s unpleasant identity and char­acter.

Beauty fades with age implies if you are more concerned with the outer appearance of your soon-to-be spouse at the expense of oth­er important qualities; then you will be unhappy and shaky in your marriage when the wrinkles come and the number on the weighing scale goes up after getting married. Remember, because of the fall of man, humans get old and die of the decay.

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“All people are like grass, and all their faithfulness is like the flowers of the field. The grass withers and the flowers fall” (Isaiah 40:6).

It is not intrinsically wrong to want to look pleasing or to marry a good looking person as your husband or wife. Wanting to look pleasing to your husband is also not evil (1 Cor. 7:34).

However, there is a high cost when beauty becomes an idol. Whereas the world’s way is for women to dress to entice; God’s way is the cultivation of inner beau­ty. No wonder, 1 Peter 3:3-4 says:

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornments, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”

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This Scripture about beauty does not mean it is wrong to braid your hair or wear nice clothes and jew­elry. The verse was written to warn women not to follow the customs of some of the Egyptian women who, during that period, spent hours and hours working on their hair, make­up, and finding the perfect outfit.

God would rather prefer women work on becoming beautiful on the inside – the kind of beauty that lasts forever.

Did you know that your body may show the beginning signs of ageing as early as age 25? That is part of why God wants us to fear or revere Him. Therefore, my advice to you is:

Never marry someone simply be­cause of the person’s physical looks and stature.

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Instead, you must have certain enduring qualities you would like to see in the man or woman you intend to marry. What specific character traits should your husband or wife-to-be possess?

Source: Excerpts from ‘Pre­paring for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV.COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist).

Author, Psychotherapist, Psy­chologist, Marriage Therapist & Reverend Minister

Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC)

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Relationship

…tips for building a good parent-teacher relationship

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Having a good relationship with your child’s teacher will make it easier for you to share concerns and work together to help your child thrive. Here are some tips for building a partnership. Here are some tips to help parents build a good relationship with their child’s teacher.

1. Meet with the teacher and staff early

Teachers are usually swamped at the start of the school year. But try to meet as soon as the teacher can. At your first meeting, find out how the teacher prefers to communicate it can be either by phone, email, or some other method.

2. Help the teacher get to know your child.

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Sharing information is key to a good parent-teacher relationship. Tell the teacher about your child’s interests, strengths, and challenges. If your child has an special need, make the teacher a aware, and let the him or her know about situations outside of school that might impact your child’s learning or behaviour.

3. Be respectful of the teacher’s time.

Be on time for appointments, whether they are phone calls, video meetings, or parent-teacher conferences. Try to wrap things up within the allotted time. The teacher may have other parents scheduled after you or other meetings and commitments. You can always set up another call to finish up.

4. Recognise the teacher’s efforts.

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If you are meeting in the classroom, look for displays of students’ work or teaching materials that you can compliment. If you are somewhere else, start things off with a positive statement, like something your child enjoys about the teacher’s class. 

5. Never talk negatively about a teacher in front of your child.

Showing your respect for a teacher will set a good example for your child.

6. Participate in school events.

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Take part in school events when possible. This shows that you’re part of the school community and want to be supportive. Offer to volunteer in a way that works for you, whether it’s at school or at home on your own time.

7. Say “thank you.”

Show your appreciation for the big or little things the teacher and other staff do for your child. Thank-you notes and emails can go a long way toward building positive relationships.

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Building trust in relationship, marriage

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Communication is key to a successful relationship

Trust is the glue that holds relationships and marriages together. Without it, even the strongest bonds can crumble. As a couple navigates the ups and downs of life, trust serves as the foundation upon which their love, commitment, and loyalty are built. But what happens when trust is broken?

How can couples work to rebuild and strengthen this essential component of their relationship?

Trust is not just a feeling; it is a choice. It is a decision to be vulnerable, to be open, and to believe in the goodness of your partner. When trust is present, relationships flourish. Communication becomes easier, conflicts are resolved more efficiently, and intimacy deepens. Trust allows couples to feel secure, to know that they can rely on each other through life’s challenges.

Signs of trust issues

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So, how do you know if trust is an issue in your relationship? Look out for these signs:

– Suspicion and jealousy

– Defensiveness and accusations

– Lack of communication or withholding information

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– Dishonesty or hiding the truth

– Emotional distance or disconnection

How to build trust

Fortunately, trust can be built and rebuilt. Here are some practical steps couples can take:

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1. Communicate openly: Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Be honest, transparent, and open with your partner. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires in a respectful and empathetic manner.

2. Be reliable: Follow through on your commitments. Show your partner that you are dependable and responsible.

3. Show vulnerability: Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner. Share your fears, hopes, and dreams with them.

4. Practice forgiveness: Let go of grudges and resentments. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning hurtful behaviour, but rather releasing the negative emotions associated with it.

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5. Cultivate intimacy: Intimacy is not just physical; it’s also emotional. Make time for regular date nights, meaningful conversations, and affectionate gestures.

Rebuilding Trust

If trust has been broken, it is essential to work on rebuilding it. This process takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. Here are some steps to take:

1. Acknowledge the hurt: Recognise the pain caused by the breach of trust. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and validate their experience.

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2. Identify the cause: Understand the reasons behind the breach of trust. Is it a lack of communication, infidelity, or something else? Identifying the root cause can help you address the issue more effectively.

3. Work together: Rebuilding trust requires a joint effort. Work together to establish new patterns of behaviour, communicate openly, and rebuild intimacy.

4. Seek help: If needed, seek the help of a couples therapist or counsellor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work to rebuild trust. Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) can be helpful in that vein.

Building trust in a relationship or marriage takes work, commitment, and patience. It is a journey that requires effort from both partners. By communicating openly, being reliable, showing vulnerability, practicing forgiveness, and cultivating intimacy, couples can strengthen their bond and build a foundation of trust that will last a lifetime. Remember, trust is not something that can be demanded; it is something that must be earned and nurtured. With time, effort, and dedication, couples can build a strong, trusting relationship that brings joy, happiness, and fulfillment to their lives.

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To be continued …

Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELLOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).

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