Dear Obaa Yaa

My husband surprised me with a 2025 Cadillac CT4-V Blackwing RWD last year as my Christmas present. I didn’t ask for it. In fact, I would have rather preferred the money given to me to invest in personal projects but anyway, I loved the gesture.

 I drove the car for exactly one week, and then all of a sudden, he was the one using the car. He would leave his car behind and tell me to drive that instead. I let it slide for a couple of weeks because I thought it’s still for the family’s use.

But now, I don’t have access to the car anymore. He has taken over and wants me to use his old car instead. I don’t understand why he would do that to me.

Sharon, Mampong.

Dear Sharon,

That hurts, and you are not wrong for feeling it. A gift that became “his car” in a week feels like a bait-and-switch, not generosity. Before anything, give him a chance to explain -calmly ask: “I loved that you surprised me with the Cadillac. I got confused when it suddenly became your car and I was moved to the old one without us talking. Did you mean it as my car or a family car?” Tell him how it made you feel dismissed, and be honest about what you actually need: either shared access with a schedule, the car fully back to you, or even selling it so you can put the money into your personal projects like you originally wanted.

The bigger issue isn’t just the car – its respect and communication. Decide what outcome you want and state it clearly, without accusing. “In the future, I’d feel more supported if we talked about big gifts first.” If this is a one-off, it can be fixed with conversation. If it’s a pattern of him making decisions and changing them, that’s what needs addressing. You deserve to have a say over things given to you. You don’t have to swallow feeling disrespected just because you loved the gesture.

I am a 32-year-old Journalist and a business man who is doing quite well. My wife is also a banker but currently on maternity leave.

I personally handle everything in the house (utility bills, provisions, rent and others) because I don’t allow my wife to stress out.

The problem is whenever I pick something to eat, my wife nags about it.

If I take slices of bread, she asks me why I am taking two slices. If I put on the air conditioner, she complains I am wasting electricity. If I watch TV, she tells me that’s all I know as a man.

I am surprised about the sudden behaviour of my wife.

You should see the way my wife serves food to these kids. Plenty rice, small meat.

You should see her mother serving herself. Sometimes I compare our food to her mother’s food and I ask myself who works to put food on the table? Is the in-law influencing her?

Charles,

Accra.

Dear Charles,

Your feelings are valid, being policed in your own house is humiliating.

Stop arguing and call for a meeting between you and your wife and pour out your grievances.

Explain to your wife, how being questioned makes you feel. Handle the mother-in-law issue privately without attacking her mother. Don’t let resentment make you withdraw or better still give her attitude.

If there is no change, speak to a respected counsellor, pastor or elder for mediation. Your children might be watching; you both deserve to feel secured and heard but if things ever turn into threats or fear, get help immediately.