Obaa Yaa
My mother’s presence at home is a worry to my boyfriend
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
My boyfriend rented an apartment for me at a time when I desperately needed a place to stay. Since then, it has become our sanctuary.
He comes over on some evenings and weekends, sometimes spending the night and other times just relaxing before leaving.
He has his own set of keys, so he doesn’t even need to call before coming.
Everything changed four months ago when my mum fell seriously ill. And since the hospital she attends is not far from where I live, I brought her to come and stay with me as she receives her medical care.
Since then, she has remained here with me. Her condition has not been stable; she gets better today and the condition gets bad later.
The problem is that my boyfriend no longer feels comfortable coming around. He can’t spend the night here like he used to, and he keeps asking me when my mother will be leaving.
I usually tell him, I don’t have an answer due to her condition. Sometimes, he gets upset, and although I manage to calm him down, I can tell his patience is running out.
My rent expires in just three months, and I don’t have the money to renew it. I’ve always depended on him to pay the rent, but now I am afraid he may refuse to renew it because he feels my mother has taken over the space he provided for us.
The pressure is becoming unbearable, and I feel like I’m running out of time. What should I do to protect my mother and save my relationship?
Baaba, Cape Coast.
Dear Baaba,
The first thing to remember is that your mother is ill and needs care. It would be difficult, and perhaps unfair, to send her away simply because it is affecting your relationship.
At the same time, your boyfriend’s feelings are understandable. He rented the apartment expecting it to be a place where the two of you could spend time together, but that has changed with no end in sight.
The best step is to have an honest, calm conversation with your boyfriend. Explain it to him that your mother’s stay was never meant to replace him or take over the apartment. Make him understand that it is a temporary response to a medical emergency, not a sign that you value him any less. Let him know you appreciate everything he has done for you and that you understand the sacrifices he has made.
You should also begin planning for the rent now instead of waiting until it expires. Explore whether you can contribute something towards it, seek help from family, or find another source of income. Depending entirely on one person for housing can leave you vulnerable if circumstances change.
Finally, pay attention to how your boyfriend responds after you’ve had an open conversation. A caring partner may be disappointed by the situation, but he should also show compassion for someone caring for a sick parent. Likewise, your needs matter too.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 39-year-old woman and the eldest of four children. My mother died five years ago. Before her death, she owned a house where she lived with my stepfather and my younger siblings. My stepfather had been married to my mother for more than 20 years.
After the death of mother. My stepfather has gone to court, claiming that the house belongs to him. He says he contributed money towards the construction and maintenance of the property and that my mother’s children have no right to interfere with it.
He has even accused me and my siblings of trying to take the house from him.
I am shocked because my mother was the person who acquired the land and started the building. She also told us several times that the house was meant to remain in the family.
There is no written agreement between my mother and my stepfather about who owns what, and I am worried that this case could divide the family permanently.
My younger siblings are also angry with me because they believe I should fight my stepfather until the house is given to us.
Obaa Yaa, should I fight him in court or try to settle the matter outside court?
From Frimpongmaa,
Assin Praso.
Dear Frimpongmaa,
I am sorry you are going through this. A dispute over your late mother’s home can be very painful, especially when it involves your stepfather. Do not give up on the house or sign any document simply because he has sued you. Being sued does not mean that he automatically owns the property.
Find out exactly what your stepfather is claiming, for example, whether he says the house belongs to him, that he is the beneficiary, or that you have no right to the property.
The court will determine who legally owns the property based on the applicable succession law and the evidence.
The exact answer can change considerably depending on where the house is located, whether your mother left a Will, how she acquired the house, what type of marriage she had with your stepfather, whether there are other children, and the applicable customary/statutory law.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman married for over 17 years and blessed with three children.
My father passed away two years ago and left some property to me and my two siblings.
Among the things I inherited was a piece of land and a house which I intend to keep for my children’s future.
My husband’s family are putting pressure on me to give up the property and allow my husband to take control of it. They are saying that because I am married, anything I inherit should benefit my husband and his family as well.
I have tried to explain that my father deliberately left the property to me, but they accuse me of being selfish and disrespectful to my husband’s family.
I am now confused. I love my husband, but I don’t want to lose what my father worked hard to leave behind.
What should I do?
Adzo, Ho
Dear Adzo
If the inheritance legally belongs to you, you should not feel pressured to surrender it simply to be at peace with your husband’s family.
At the same time, avoid making a rush decision based on anger or fear.
I don’t see the reason why your husband’s family wants to take control of the land.
Keep copies of relevant documents and, if necessary, seek legal advice.
Do not sign any document transferring, renouncing your interest until you fully understand its consequences.
You should also have a good conversation with your husband. Ask him why his family wants you to hand over your inheritance to them and whether he supports their position.
Remember that family pressure is not the same as a legal obligation. You can respect your husband’s relatives without surrendering something that is rightfully yours.
If you eventually decide to share part of the inheritance, let it be because you genuinely wanted to, not because you were intimidated or emotionally overstretched.
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