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The role of family and friends in choosing a spouse

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When choosing a spouse, family and friends can play a vital role. They can provide sup­port, guidance, and advice, but they can also exert pressure and influence your decision.

In this article, we will delve into the role of family and friends in choosing a spouse and provide guidance on how to navigate their influence.

Cultural and Traditional

Expectations of Family

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Family can influence your choice of spouse. They usually have certain expectations or requirements for your partner, and they may also have concerns or reservations about your choice.

Your family may have certain cultur­al or traditional expectations for your spouse. For example, they may expect your spouse to be from the same cul­tural or religious background.

They may also expect your spouse to have certain qualities or characteris­tics that are valued in your culture or tradition.

Cultural expectations can influence our communication styles, conflict resolution strategies, and emotional expression. In many cultures, it is cus­tomary to show respect and deference to elders, while in others, it is more common to challenge authority and question tradition.

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Social Status

The social status of your spouse may be a concern for your family. They may expect your spouse to have a certain level of education, income, or occupation. They may also expect your spouse to have certain social connections or relationships.

Social status shapes our identities and self-esteem. When choosing a spouse, social status can influence our preferences and priorities. Some peo­ple may place a high value on marry­ing someone with a high-paying job or a prestigious title.

Personality and Character

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Family may have expectations around the personality and character of your spouse. Most times, they may expect your spouse to be kind, hon­est, and responsible. They may also expect your spouse to have certain values or morals.

The Influence of Friends

Friends can also be significant in choosing a spouse. They provide sup­port and encouragement, but they can also exert pressure and influence your decision.

Friends can introduce you to poten­tial partners within their social circle. This can be a great way to meet new people and potentially find a partner. However, remember that your friends may not always have your best inter­ests at heart.

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Social circle impacts our relation­ships. In selecting a partner to marry, social circle can influence our pref­erences and priorities. For instance, some people may place a high value on marrying someone within their so­cial circle, while others may prefer to meet someone outside of their usual social network.

Support and Encouragement

Friends give emotional support and encouragement throughout the rela­tionship. They can be a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. However, it is vital to remember that friends may not always be objective.

Yes, the influence of family and friends is undeniable in choosing a spouse. While their support and guidance can be valuable, it is crucial to know that the decision of who to marry is ultimately yours.

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By communicating openly, setting boundaries, prioritising your relation­ship, and seeking outside help if need­ed, you can navigate the influence of family and friends and build a strong and healthy relationship.

To be continued…

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Relationship

How to Navigate Social Media Boundaries as a Couple

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Navigating social media boundaries as a couple can be tricky. With constant access to each other’s lives online, it’s essential to establish clear boundaries to maintain a healthy relationship. Here are practical tips to help couples manage social media use effectively.

1. Have an Open and Honest Conversation
The first step is to talk openly with your partner about social media usage and how it affects your relationship. Honest conversations may feel challenging, but they are essential for understanding each other’s perspectives and setting mutually acceptable boundaries.

2. Be Specific
When discussing boundaries, be clear about the behaviors that bother you and the limits you’d like to set. For example, instead of saying, “You spend too much time on social media,” try:
“I feel neglected when you are on your phone for extended periods during our conversations. Can we set a limit on phone usage during quality time together?”

3. Be Considerate
Consider and respect your partner’s viewpoint. Setting boundaries is not about controlling each other; it’s about creating balance and fostering trust in the relationship. The goal is to maintain connection without letting social media interfere with your bond.

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4. Agree on Social Media Etiquette
Social media etiquette guidelines can help couples define what is and isn’t acceptable online behavior. Discuss whether you will follow each other, what kinds of photos you’ll post, and how you will interact with others online. Clear guidelines help prevent misunderstandings and maintain respect.

5. Respect Each Other’s Privacy
Respecting privacy is crucial. Avoid snooping on your partner’s accounts, sharing personal information without consent, or posting photos or updates that may make them uncomfortable. Trust and respect form the foundation of a healthy digital relationship.

6. Don’t Use Social Media as a Measure of Your Relationship
Remember that social media often shows a curated “highlight reel” of other people’s relationships. Avoid comparing your relationship to these selective portrayals. Every relationship is unique, with its own challenges and successes. Focus on what makes your bond special rather than online comparisons.

Conclusion
Setting boundaries on social media is key to nurturing a healthy, happy relationship. Open communication, mutual respect, agreed-upon etiquette, and avoiding comparison with others online are all vital steps in maintaining intimacy and trust in the digital age.

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Source: Arkansas Relationship Counselling Centre

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Vulnerability, Openness Strengthen Relationship Bond

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In the realm of romantic relationships, vulnerability and openness are often misconstrued as signs of weakness. However, research in psychology and relationship counselling suggests that embracing vulnerability can be a powerful catalyst for deepening emotional intimacy and strengthening bonds.

The Power of Vulnerability

Vulnerability involves sharing our innermost thoughts, feelings, and desires with our partner, making us susceptible to potential hurt or rejection. Yet, it is precisely this openness that allows us to build trust, foster empathy, and create a sense of safety in our relationships.

When couples prioritise vulnerability, they often experience a profound shift in their relationship dynamics. For instance, a couple I counselled, who were struggling to connect after a recent move, found that sharing their fears and anxieties with each other helped them rebuild their emotional intimacy. By being open about their struggles, they were able to support each other and strengthen their bond.

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Benefits of Vulnerability and Openness

  1. Deeper understanding: By sharing our thoughts and feelings, we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our partner.
  2. Increased empathy: When we are open about our struggles, our partner is more likely to respond with compassion and support.
  3. Resilience: Vulnerability helps us develop coping mechanisms and learn to navigate challenges together.
  4. Authentic connection: By being our authentic selves, we create a sense of mutual understanding and connection.

Cultivating Vulnerability in Relationships

So, how can we cultivate vulnerability in our relationships? Here are some practical tips:

  1. Start small: Begin by sharing your thoughts and feelings in low-stakes situations, like discussing a book or movie. As you become more comfortable, you can gradually share more personal aspects of yourself.
  2. Practice active listening: When your partner shares their vulnerabilities, respond with empathy and understanding. This helps create a safe space for open communication.
  3. Be present: Focus on the present moment and try to let go of distractions. This allows you to stay engaged and responsive to your partner’s needs.
  4. Show appreciation: Express gratitude for your partner’s vulnerability and celebrate their courage in sharing their thoughts and feelings.

In many successful relationships, couples have reported that regular “check-ins” or meaningful conversations help them stay connected and build a stronger bond. By prioritising vulnerability and openness, these couples are able to address life’s challenges together, fostering a deeper sense of connection and intimacy.

Vulnerability and openness are essential components of a healthy, fulfilling relationship. By embracing these qualities, we can build stronger, more resilient bonds with our partners. As we navigate the complexities of relationships, let us remember that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a strength that can bring us closer to ourselves and our loved ones.

To be continued…

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Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” by Rev. Counselor Prince Offei (Lecturer, Published Author, Mental Health Professional, and Marriage Counsellor).

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