Relationship
The role of family and friends in choosing a spouse
When choosing a spouse, family and friends can play a vital role. They can provide support, guidance, and advice, but they can also exert pressure and influence your decision.
In this article, we will delve into the role of family and friends in choosing a spouse and provide guidance on how to navigate their influence.
Cultural and Traditional
Expectations of Family
Family can influence your choice of spouse. They usually have certain expectations or requirements for your partner, and they may also have concerns or reservations about your choice.
Your family may have certain cultural or traditional expectations for your spouse. For example, they may expect your spouse to be from the same cultural or religious background.
They may also expect your spouse to have certain qualities or characteristics that are valued in your culture or tradition.
Cultural expectations can influence our communication styles, conflict resolution strategies, and emotional expression. In many cultures, it is customary to show respect and deference to elders, while in others, it is more common to challenge authority and question tradition.
Social Status
The social status of your spouse may be a concern for your family. They may expect your spouse to have a certain level of education, income, or occupation. They may also expect your spouse to have certain social connections or relationships.
Social status shapes our identities and self-esteem. When choosing a spouse, social status can influence our preferences and priorities. Some people may place a high value on marrying someone with a high-paying job or a prestigious title.
Personality and Character
Family may have expectations around the personality and character of your spouse. Most times, they may expect your spouse to be kind, honest, and responsible. They may also expect your spouse to have certain values or morals.
The Influence of Friends
Friends can also be significant in choosing a spouse. They provide support and encouragement, but they can also exert pressure and influence your decision.
Friends can introduce you to potential partners within their social circle. This can be a great way to meet new people and potentially find a partner. However, remember that your friends may not always have your best interests at heart.
Social circle impacts our relationships. In selecting a partner to marry, social circle can influence our preferences and priorities. For instance, some people may place a high value on marrying someone within their social circle, while others may prefer to meet someone outside of their usual social network.
Support and Encouragement
Friends give emotional support and encouragement throughout the relationship. They can be a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on. However, it is vital to remember that friends may not always be objective.
Yes, the influence of family and friends is undeniable in choosing a spouse. While their support and guidance can be valuable, it is crucial to know that the decision of who to marry is ultimately yours.
By communicating openly, setting boundaries, prioritising your relationship, and seeking outside help if needed, you can navigate the influence of family and friends and build a strong and healthy relationship.
To be continued…
Long-distance relationships can be intimidating, but they do not have to be. Whether with friends or a romantic partner, distance does not need to define your relationship.
The most important part of maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship is remembering to prioritise your needs and boundaries. By keeping these tips in mind, managing a long-distance situation can be a positive experience for everyone involved.
- Set aside time for daily or weekly check-ins
By establishing regular times for communication from the get-go, you and your friend or partner will be on the same page about how often you expect to hear from one another. Also remember, keep in mind the quality of your conversations. If you are re often arguing or you finish the majority of your interactions feeling unsatisfied or unhappy, it is time to re-evaluate if the relationship is still a positive one.
- Write letter or send surprise care packages
Taking the time to exchange letters with your loved one is a special way to enhance your connection and provide comfort and support.
The time it takes to write and mail a letter demonstrates to your friend or partner that you want to go the extra mile to show them you are thinking about them.
- Try a weekly video call
Even if you feel nervous about the idea of facetime or having a video chat, this type of communication can make you feel a bit closer to your friend or partner.
Prioritise setting boundaries for yourself, and ask your partner about their boundaries as well. If you find that your partner is often pushing you to have a video call so they can see where you are, that could be a red flag.
- Make sure to ground yourself in your daily life
Sometimes in a long-distance relationship, it is easy to get wrapped up in thinking about how far away you are, how much you miss the person, and how tough it can be.
The best way to avoid feeling sad or worried is by being present in your life and with the people in it. Outside of your daily responsibilities, make sure to stay connected to the friends and family near you.
If you do not know many people where you are, the best way to do that is by joining a club, volunteering at a non-profit you are passionate about, or joining a sport or exercise class that you enjoy.
- Make plans for the next time you will see each other
One of the best ways to feel better about the distance is by planning a future trip and talking about all the fun things you can do together the next time you see each other in person.
Remember, only commit to what is feasible for you, and what will not detract from daily life.
As a seasoned marriage counsellor and mental health practitioner at Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC), I have seen countless couples struggle with the harsh reality of toxic relationships.
Love, once a beautiful flame that warmed their hearts, can morph into a destructive force that leaves emotional scars.
Therefore, recognising the signs of an unhealthy relationship is crucial to breaking free from its grip.
In a toxic relationship, control and manipulation can be subtle at first, but they can escalate into emotional abuse. When one partner dictates what the other wears, who they talk to, or what they do, it is a sign of control.
Emotional drain is another red flag– if interactions with your partner leave you feeling exhausted, anxious, or depressed, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship.
Gaslighting, a tactic where one partner denies previous agreements or conversations, making the other question their sanity, can be particularly insidious.
It is a form of psychological manipulation that can erode self-confidence and make it challenging to make decisions. Similarly, a lack of respect can be a significant issue in toxic relationships.
When boundaries are consistently disregarded or disrespected, it can lead to feelings of resentment and hurt.
Jealousy and possessiveness can also be warning signs. While some degree of jealousy can be normal, excessive possessiveness can be suffocating. It is essential to recognise the difference between healthy concern and unhealthy obsession.
The impact of toxic relationships on mental health cannot be overstated. The constant stress and pressure can lead to anxiety and depression. Being belittled or criticized can erode self-confidence, making it challenging to maintain a sense of identity. In extreme cases, toxic relationships can even lead to trauma, making it difficult to form healthy relationships in the future.
So, what can you do if you recognise these signs in your relationship? Seeking support from trusted friends, family, or therapists such as CPAC can be a crucial step.
Establishing clear boundaries and communicating them assertively can also help. Prioritising self-care and engaging in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul is essential.
Couples therapy can be beneficial, but it is crucial to approach it with caution – toxic partners may resist change.
Ultimately, love should uplift and inspire, not drain or control. Recognising the signs of an unhealthy relationship is the first step towards healing and growth. If you are struggling, do not hesitate to seek help. Take a moment to reflect on your relationship – do you feel valued and respected?
Are your boundaries honored? Do you feel happy and fulfilled? If your answers raise concerns, it is time to re-evaluate your relationship and prioritise your well-being. Remember, you deserve to be treated with love, respect, and kindness.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “AVOID REGRETS IN MARRIAGE: How to Choose a Spouse” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Mental Health Professional, Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).
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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
By Counselor Prince Offei
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