Obaa Yaa
Val’s Day exposed my boyfriend
Dear Obaa Yaa,
MY boyfriend asked me to spend time with him because it was Valentine’s Day, which I did. We decided not to step out. I prepared some food which we enjoyed with some of his friends and younger brother who had also come to spend the weekend with him.
Later in the night, around 11pm he had a phone call which I received and woke him up. When he saw the person’s number, he immediately cut the line and switched off the phone.
Twenty minutes later, he switched it on and the call came again. Upon picking the call, I heard him tell the person that he was in Accra and not in Takoradi. This I found strange and questioned him when he came back to the room.
He later told me it was a friend whom he was owing some money. I later managed to secretly copy the number and called it the following day. I pretended I was his niece. Obaa Yaa, the lady told me that she was happy to talk to me even though we have not seen each other, and said she was the lover of my boyfriend, much to my surprise.
My man denied the claim of the girl and said he was going to beat her up, telling lies that she was not her lover. Should I forgive this guy or not because he ruined our Val’s Day?
Eyram, Ho.
Dear Eyram,
IF your boyfriend knows he is not up to any fishy game, then he must be at peace with himself. Obviously, he is getting worked up because of the sudden exposure of his double-game plan.
At any rate, there is no need to worry about him and the other girl. They can sort it out even if it is not true she is his lover. He is only putting up a bluff.
What you have to be sure about is if you still love him and think he can be faithful to you. If he cannot be faithful as evidence is showing, then better advice yourself. AIDS is still around, and unfaithful partners are good riddance.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been married for six years and we have two children together but before I met my husband, he was married to another woman and they had a son.
Their marriage ended after several misunderstanding and she relocated to another region.
Over the years, I accepted his son as my own and never stopped him from supporting the child. In fact, I encouraged him to be present in his son’s life.
Three months ago, his ex-wife lost her job and was evicted from her apartment. Since then, she has been struggling financially.
Just last week, he informed me that he wanted to bring her in our matrimonial home temporary so she could get back on her feet and be closer to their son.
My husband insist there is nothing romantic between both of them; rather he is only trying to help the mother of his child.
I am uncomfortable because I feel bringing her home may ruin my marriage.
Adwoa Comfort, Kumasi.
Dear Comfort,
You are not wrong for refusing to let your husband’s ex-wife move into your home. Your discomfort is valid because the matrimonial home is your sanctuary, and such ‘temporary’ arrangements often lack clear end dates, and create emotional triangles that strain the marriage and kids.
Boundaries protect marriages, and ‘help’ doesn’t have to mean moving her in. While your husband’s desire to help the mother of his child is understandable, calling you ‘selfish and heartless’ for having boundaries is manipulation.
He’s presenting a false choice between moving her in or abandoning her, when other options exist.
He can help her by paying for a short-term housing, helping with job applications, or increasing child support temporarily.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 40- year-old banker working in a reputable organisation. My wife is a house wife, yet she is engaged in online business.
My wife has left the marriage on three occasion in less than a year of our marriage. The first time she left the marriage was at the bathroom which she accused me of restricting the way she bathed.
She went ahead to remind me that she had a bigger bathroom in her parents’ house.
The second time, she left because I held her lips because she was screaming. I wanted her to be quiet. She went in, packed a few things and went to her mom to complain about near-abuse.
When I went to her house to plead with her to come back, you should have seen the drama.
Yoofi, Takoradi.
Dear Yoofi,
I understand how exhausted and confused you must be, three separations in just a year is not something you should be happy about.
The bathroom incident points to possible controlling behaviour over, but the bigger issue is when you held her lips. That’s a physical abuse, regardless of the provocation. Putting hands on a spouse to silence them, crosses a line and can bring trouble. The cycle of conflict, her leaving, and you pleading to get her back is an unstable loop.
You should stop pleading at her mother’s house; consult a lawyer to understand your legal risk, and get individual counselling to address the situation.
