Dear Obaa Yaa,

My mother has been widow for the past 10 years. We lost our father in a tragic accident and that traumatised my mother.

After all that my mother went through, it gladdens my heart to see her happy again after finding a new love.

My mom is dating a man in our church and is busily trying to hide it from me. I’m happy that for her age, she has found a man to keep her company after the death of my father, but I don’t understand why she’s hiding it.

I came home from work early one day, and she was home. I was surprised, but immediately she heard my voice, she stepped out of her room to meet me outside. She had only a cloth wrapped around her. I thought she was sick, but she was too loud and active to be sick.

She was preventing me from entering our own house.

I don’t know how long they intend to keep hiding their relationship, not only from me but from everyone around them.

Harriet, Tema.

Dear Harriet,

From what you’ve described, it doesn’t sound like you’re upset that she’s in a relationship. In fact, you’re happy she has found companionship after losing your father. The main issue is that she’s hiding it from you. A gentle, private conversation could help.

This approach reassures her instead of embarrassing her. She may be hiding the relationship because she isn’t sure how you’ll react.

She feels guilty about moving on after your father’s death.

She fears criticism from family or members of the church.

She simply values her privacy and wasn’t ready to tell anyone.

After you’ve let her know of your understanding, give her space. Don’t pressure her to explain or announce the relationship before she’s ready.

 If she still prefers to keep the relationship private, it’s also important to respect that choice. Supporting her happiness while honouring her privacy is likely the best outcome.

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I am a Muslim and I have been married for the past 14 years and the fruit of the womb has been one of my challenge. My husband and I have tried so many options but it didn’t work.

God been so good, I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and after undergoing screening tests, doctors told me that my baby is highly likely to have Down syndrome.

According to them, the results are around 95 per cent suggestive, and they are strongly recommending termination of the pregnancy. They also mentioned that there are more confirmatory tests available, but these may take another 4 to 5 weeks, and by then the pregnancy will be more advanced, making termination medically more complicated if the diagnosis is confirmed.

Because of this, my family and even my husband are encouraging abortion after consulting multiple doctors.

My heart feels extremely torn and confused. Part of me wants to wait for the confirmatory tests because I fear making such a serious decision based only on probability and fear. I want to know what Islam teaches regarding abortion in such a situation.

 Is it permissible to terminate a pregnancy because of a likely disability such as Down syndrome, or should I continue the pregnancy and trust Allah? Please guide me sincerely because this matter is weighing heavily on my heart and faith.

Ramatu, Wa.

Dear Ramatu,

This is a deeply painful and sensitive situation, and my heart goes out to you. May Allah grant you strength, wisdom, and peace as you navigate this difficult decision.

In Islam, every human life is sacred, and decisions regarding abortion are treated with great seriousness. Many Islamic scholars distinguish between screening tests, which estimate the likelihood of a condition, and diagnostic tests, which provide much greater certainty. A screening result suggesting a 95 per cent chance of Down syndrome is still not a definitive diagnosis.

Because of this, many scholars advise against making an irreversible decision based solely on screening results. If possible, it is advisable to undergo the confirmatory diagnostic tests and seek the guidance of trustworthy Muslim medical professionals and knowledgeable Islamic scholars before making a final decision.

It is also important to remember that Down syndrome is not a terminal illness. Many individuals with Down syndrome live meaningful lives, bring immense joy to their families, and contribute positively to their communities. Their lives have dignity and value in the sight of Allah.

At the same time, Islam recognises genuine hardship. Some contemporary scholars have discussed limited circumstances in which abortion may be considered before 120 days (approximately 17 weeks) if there is a confirmed severe fetal abnormality and reliable medical evidence, but there is significant scholarly disagreement. Down syndrome alone is generally not regarded by many scholars as sufficient grounds for abortion, particularly when the diagnosis is not yet confirmed.

Continue to make du’a, perform Salat al-Istikharah, and seek counsel from a qualified Islamic scholar who understands both Islamic jurisprudence and the medical facts of your case. Whatever decision you make should be based on accurate medical information, sincere consultation, and your desire to seek Allah’s pleasure.

May Allah guide you to what is best, ease your burden, and bless you and your family with His mercy and wisdom.