Obaa Yaa
My father responsible for caretaker’s pregnancy
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
When we hired a caretaker to take care of our 70-year-old father, the last thing we expected was that this caretaker becoming pregnant for our father.
One evening, my phone rang. I checked and it was my sister. The moment I answered, my heart sank. I was convinced she was about to tell me that our father had passed away.
Instead, she said, “It’s not death. It’s about new life. Dad has gotten the woman taking care of him pregnant.”
For a few seconds, I was speechless. Then I laughed in disbelief.
“Our 70-year-old father? He got his caretaker pregnant? How did that even happen? And what was she thinking, choosing to have a child with a man of his age?”
Months later, the baby arrived. When I received the photos of our newest sibling, my feelings changed. The shock gradually gave way to acceptance. I began sending extra money home, not just to support my father, but also to help care for the woman who had become his partner and their little child.
Life settled into a new routine until one ordinary day in December, barely two years after the baby’s birth, another phone call came.
This time, it was the news we had once feared. Our father had passed away.
Efe, Swedru.
Dear Efe,
Your father’s actions may have come as a shock, but the child who was born is innocent and deserves love, dignity, and acceptance. While it may be difficult to understand or agree with your father’s choices which might make you angry, I think that the anger must not stretch to the child who is very innocent on this matter.
As a family, take time to mourn your father’s passing before making major decisions. If your father left a will, follow it. If he did not, work together to settle his estate fairly and according to the laws.
If there is any uncertainty about the child’s legal relationship to your father, you may consider obtaining legal advice or, if necessary and appropriate, a DNA test before inheritance is distributed.
If the child is indeed your father’s, remember that he or she is your sibling and has the same need for love, care, and a sense of belonging as any other child. Supporting the child does not mean you must ignore your own feelings, but it does mean choosing compassion over resentment.
It is also important to treat the caretaker with respect. Avoid making assumptions about her motives without evidence. Focus instead on what is best for everyone involved, especially the child.
The greatest way to honour your father’s memory is not by dwelling on the circumstances of the pregnancy, but by handling the situation with wisdom, fairness, and kindness.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
