Obaa Yaa
My father responsible for caretaker’s pregnancy
Dear Obaa Yaa,
When we hired a caretaker to take care of our 70-year-old father, the last thing we expected was that this caretaker becoming pregnant for our father.
One evening, my phone rang. I checked and it was my sister. The moment I answered, my heart sank. I was convinced she was about to tell me that our father had passed away.
Instead, she said, “It’s not death. It’s about new life. Dad has gotten the woman taking care of him pregnant.”
For a few seconds, I was speechless. Then I laughed in disbelief.
“Our 70-year-old father? He got his caretaker pregnant? How did that even happen? And what was she thinking, choosing to have a child with a man of his age?”
Months later, the baby arrived. When I received the photos of our newest sibling, my feelings changed. The shock gradually gave way to acceptance. I began sending extra money home, not just to support my father, but also to help care for the woman who had become his partner and their little child.
Life settled into a new routine until one ordinary day in December, barely two years after the baby’s birth, another phone call came.
This time, it was the news we had once feared. Our father had passed away.
Efe, Swedru.
Dear Efe,
Your father’s actions may have come as a shock, but the child who was born is innocent and deserves love, dignity, and acceptance. While it may be difficult to understand or agree with your father’s choices which might make you angry, I think that the anger must not stretch to the child who is very innocent on this matter.
As a family, take time to mourn your father’s passing before making major decisions. If your father left a will, follow it. If he did not, work together to settle his estate fairly and according to the laws.
If there is any uncertainty about the child’s legal relationship to your father, you may consider obtaining legal advice or, if necessary and appropriate, a DNA test before inheritance is distributed.
If the child is indeed your father’s, remember that he or she is your sibling and has the same need for love, care, and a sense of belonging as any other child. Supporting the child does not mean you must ignore your own feelings, but it does mean choosing compassion over resentment.
It is also important to treat the caretaker with respect. Avoid making assumptions about her motives without evidence. Focus instead on what is best for everyone involved, especially the child.
The greatest way to honour your father’s memory is not by dwelling on the circumstances of the pregnancy, but by handling the situation with wisdom, fairness, and kindness.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been married for the past eight years, and we have two children. My husband is a teacher and I am a Bank Manageress in one of the reputable banks.
Two years ago, I lost my job, and since then, my husband has changed towards me.
He constantly insults me and makes me feel useless because I am no longer financially contributing to the family.
When things were going on well, I was supporting my husband financially and taking care of the home without any negativity attached.
Things became worse when I discovered that he was cheating on me with another woman who was financially sound than I am. When I confronted him, he showed no remorse. A few weeks later, he packed his belongings and abandoned me and the children.
Now I am struggling to take care of the children. My family is advising me to divorce him, while his family wants me to remain in the marriage.
Obaa Yaa, should I continue waiting for him or move on with my life?
Olivia, Accra
Dear Olivia,
I am sorry for what you are going through. Losing your job does not make you a failure, and your husband has no right to disrespect or abandon you because of it.
Marriage requires love, patience and support, especially during difficult times. However, you should not remain in a relationship where you are constantly mistreated.
I advise you to think carefully about your future and the well-being of your children. If your husband genuinely wants to change, he must prove it through his actions and take responsibility for his family.
Remember, marriage should bring peace, not constant suffering.
Take heart, dear sister, and never allow the fear of losing your marriage to make you lose your self-worth.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been friends with a lady for over seven years, and we have always shared our personal secrets with each other. I trusted her so much that I even introduced her to my boyfriend.
Recently, I discovered that she had been secretly dating my boyfriend.
When I confronted her, she apologised and begged me to forgive her, claiming it happened because she was lonely.
I am deeply hurt because I never expected such betrayal from someone I considered a sister. My family and other friends are advising me to end the friendship, but she keeps begging me to give her another chance.
Obaa Yaa, should I forgive her and continue the friendship, or should I cut her off completely?
Esinam, Keta
Dear Esinam,
Friendship should be built on trust, honesty and loyalty. Your friend has broken the trust you placed in her, and loneliness is no excuse for betraying someone who genuinely cares about you.
I believe forgiveness is important, but it does not mean you must continue a friendship that has caused you pain. Take your time, protect your peace and allow her actions to determine whether she deserves another chance.
Remember, not everyone who smiles with you is genuinely happy for you.
Be careful who you trust, because sometimes betrayal comes from the people closest to us.
