Relationship
Spiritual implications of divorce
Divorce has significant spiritual ramifications, affecting not only the couple but also their children and extended family members. For individuals grounded in faith, marriage is often considered a covenant blessed by God. Thus, divorce can challenge personal beliefs, shake the spiritual foundations of those involved, and create a lasting impact on the religious aspects of their lives (Lambert, 2014).
a. Weakening of spiritual foundation
Termination of marriage can severely shake the spiritual foundation of both spouses and their children. For many Christians, marriage is a union ordained by God, making its dissolution deeply troubling. The emotional pain, confusion, and self-doubt that come with divorce can cause people to question their faith, creating a sense of spiritual disconnection. According to Thomas and Sawhill (2002), individuals who undergo divorce frequently report feeling spiritually uprooted and distant from their beliefs, which can make it difficult to find peace and solace in religious practices.
b. Struggle with forgiveness
One of the core tenets of Christianity and many other faiths is forgiveness. Divorce, especially if caused by betrayals or abuse, challenges this value, resulting in bitterness and resentment (Lambert, 2014). Both partners may struggle with forgiveness—whether it is forgiving each other, forgiving themselves, or even forgiving others involved in the process, such as family members or friends who took sides. This inability to forgive can create a lingering sense of guilt, further complicating the healing process and obstructing spiritual growth.
c. Conflict with biblical teachings
For many Christians, marriage is a lifelong commitment, underpinned by scriptures that discourage divorce. The Bible, for example, states in Matthew 19:6 (NIV): “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Divorce presents an internal conflict with these teachings on the sanctity of marriage and the permanence of vows, often leaving individuals feeling ashamed or guilty for “breaking” a sacred vow. This can trigger emotional turmoil as individuals try to reconcile their decision with their religious values (Lambert, 2014).
d. Impact on prayer and worship
The emotional toll of divorce affects the ability of the spouse and children to engage in prayer and worship. Feelings of unworthiness, guilt, or abandonment may hinder individuals from fully participating in communal worship or private devotion (Amato & Previti, 2003). Studies suggest that religiously active individuals going through divorce may feel distant from their spiritual community—leading to lower levels of participation in religious practices (Kreider, 2020). This alienation can exacerbate the emotional and spiritual pain, creating a barrier between the individual and their faith.
e. Sense of abandonment and spiritual isolation
The breakdown of a marriage can instill a sense of abandonment, not only from the former spouse but also from God. People may question why they had to endure the pain of separation and may feel that God has abandoned them. This spiritual isolation may contribute to a crisis of faith, as individuals may grapple with feelings of being forsaken. A study on faith and marital dissolution in the USA found that 29 per cent of divorces reported a temporary or permanent decline in their belief in divine support during and after the process (Lambert, 2014).
f. Difficulty in finding spiritual healing
Divorce complicates the process of spiritual healing. The deep wounds left by the end of a marriage can create an inner sense of failure—making it challenging for individuals to accept God’s forgiveness or feel worthy of divine love. This can obstruct efforts toward spiritual restoration and growth, making it difficult for those involved to achieve peace. Research shows that people who participate in regular faith-based support groups or counselling programmes tend to recover more effectively from the spiritual and emotional scars left by divorce (Kreider, 2020).
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist, Lecturer, and Marriage Therapist). https://counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Relationship
Tips to improve family relationships
There is nothing like family. The people that are related by blood and marriage are expected to be our closest allies, greatest sources of love and support.
Too often, however, interactions with family are filled with misunderstanding and resentment, bickering and badgering.
Here are some tips to help bring family members closer
Take care of your health if you hope to take care of anyone else. The more demanding of your time your family is, the more you need to fit in exercise. Perhaps you and your family can seek out ways to exercise together.
1. Listen if you expect to be heard. Lack of communication is the loudest complaint in most families. The answer to “Why won’t they listen to me?” may be simply “You’re not listening to them.”
2. Teach emotional choice. Manage your moods by letting all feelings be OK, but not all behaviours. Model behavior that respects and encourages the feelings and rights of others yet make it clear that we have a choice about what to do with what we feel.
3. Teach generosity by receiving as well as giving. Giving and receiving are parts of the same loving continuum. If we don’t give, we find it hard to receive, and if we can’t receive, we don’t really have much to give. This is why selflessness carried to extremes is of little benefits to others.
4. Take responsibility for what you communicate silently. The very young and old are especially sensitive to nonverbal cues. More than our words, tone of voice, posture (body language), and facial expressions convey our feelings. We have to listen to our tone of voice and look at ourselves in pictures and in the mirror to assess our emotional congruency. Loving words coming through clenched teeth don’t feel loving—they feel confusing.
5. Don’t try to solve problems for your loved ones. Caring for your family doesn’t mean taking charge of their problems, giving unsolicited advice, or protecting them from their own emotions. Let them know their own strengths and allow them to ask you for what they need.
6. Make a lasting impression through actions. Your values will be communicated by your actions, no matter what you say. Be an example, not a nag.
7. Acknowledge your errors to everyone, including younger family members. Saying you’re sorry when you hurt someone you love, models humility and emotional integrity. You can demonstrate that no one is perfect, but everyone can learn at any age. Apologising proves you can forgive yourself and makes it easier to forgive others.
8. Discover what each person’s unique needs are. You can’t assume that your grandmother needs the same signs of love as your three-year-old or that either one will have the same needs next year. When in doubt, ask!
9. Be generous in expressing love. Everyone in a family (especially young children) needs the emotional reassurance of loving words, gestures, and looks. Those who demand the least emotional attention may need it most.
Relationship
Building trust in relationships and marriages
Trust is the glue that holds relationships and marriages together. Without it, even the strongest bonds can crumble.
As a couple navigates the ups and downs of life, trust serves as the foundation upon which their love, commitment, and loyalty are built. But what happens when trust is broken?
How can couples work to rebuild and strengthen this essential component of their relationship?
Trust is not just a feeling; it is a choice. It is a decision to be vulnerable, to be open, and to believe in the goodness of your partner. When trust is present, relationships flourish.
Communication becomes easier, conflicts are resolved more efficiently, and intimacy deepens. Trust allows couples to feel secure, to know that they can rely on each other through life’s challenges.
Signs of trust issues
So, how do you know if trust is an issue in your relationship? Look out for these signs:
– Suspicion and jealousy
– Defensiveness and accusations
– Lack of communication or withholding information
– Dishonesty or hiding the truth
– Emotional distance or disconnection
How to build trust
Fortunately, trust can be built and rebuilt. Here are some practical steps couples can take:
1. Communicate openly: Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Be honest, transparent, and open with your partner. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires in a respectful and empathetic manner.
2. Be reliable: Follow through on your commitments. Show your partner that you are dependable and responsible.
3. Show vulnerability: Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner. Share your fears, hopes, and dreams with them.
4. Practice forgiveness: Let go of grudges and resentments. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning hurtful behavior, but rather releasing the negative emotions associated with it.
5. Cultivate intimacy: Intimacy is not just physical; it’s also emotional. Make time for regular date nights, meaningful conversations, and affectionate gestures.
Rebuilding trust
If trust has been broken, it is essential to work on rebuilding it. This process takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. Here are some steps to take:
1. Acknowledge the hurt: Recognise the pain caused by the breach of trust. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and validate their experience.
2. Identify the cause: Understand the reasons behind the breach of trust. Is it a lack of communication, infidelity, or something else? Identifying the root cause can help you address the issue more effectively.
3. Work together: Rebuilding trust requires a joint effort. Work together to establish new patterns of behaviour, communicate openly, and rebuild intimacy.
4. Seek help: If needed, seek the help of a couples therapist or counselor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work to rebuild trust. Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) can be helpful in that vein.
Building trust in a relationship or marriage takes work, commitment, and patience. It is a journey that requires effort from both partners. By communicating openly, being reliable, showing vulnerability, practicing forgiveness, and cultivating intimacy, couples can strengthen their bond and build a foundation of trust that will last a lifetime. Remember, trust is not something that can be demanded; it is something that must be earned and nurtured. With time, effort, and dedication, couples can build a strong, trusting relationship that brings joy, happiness, and fulfillment to their lives.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).
