Obaa Yaa
Should I stick to my plan or listen to my guardians?
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Dear ObaaYaa
I was in the third year of SHS when unfortunately, l became pregnant and had to terminate my education.
Though my situation was embarrassing and quite disgraceful, my guardians did not let me down but accepted me and allowed me to stay at home till the time l would be delivered of my baby.
They provided me with everything and really made life comfortable for me throughout the period l was pregnant.
Surprisingly, they gave me the assurance that l would return to school to enable me to continue my education.
Thanks be to God, l was delivered of my baby who is now three months old. My problem now is there is no one at home to take care of the baby because my guardians are workers and my siblings are also not available to assist me in taking care of the baby while l go to school.
Despite this challenge, my guardians are still insisting that l should return to school at all cost and no amount of explanation would help change their decision.
Inasmuch as l would have lovedto be in school, my plea is that l would like to wait till my baby is at least a year old before l return to school.
I am confused and do not know what to do. Should I stick to my plan or listen to my guardians even though l have no one to take care of the baby. Please advise me on what to do.
Akua, Accra.
Dear Akua,
This column would like to commend you for your decision to maintain the pregnancy and praise your guardians who have provided you a serene atmosphere throughout the nine months of pregnancy.
Your letter was silent on your parents, especially your mother who should take care of your child while you return to school.
Granted that your mother is not there, the mother of the gentleman who impregnated you or any close relative of his should also come in to lend their support.
Failure to listen to your guardians, having considered the assistance they have given you so far will be tantamount to ingratitude, and they will not take kindly to it. Their insistence of you returning to school after three months could be linked to the commencement of the academic calendar.
Nursing mothers who work always ensure that they look for somebody to take care of their children while they go to work.
Alternatively, you can also make arrangement and send your baby to a day care centre, provided you have the means to pay for it.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
