Obaa Yaa
Pregnant for married boyfriend
Dear ObaaYaa,
We have been good friends for a couple of years and our friendship resulted in intimate activities through which l became pregnant.
Throughout our friendship, he kept postponing my request to know his parents, though l know two of his siblings.
Over the years, he promised to marry me and crown our marriage with a wedding.
Now that l am pregnant, heartbreaking revelations are springing up each day. I am surprised to learn that he has a wife and a child in his village.
This discovery has made me to be ashamed of myself, left me confused and l am angry with this gentleman who has made my life miserable.
The predicament in which l find myself makes me feel sick because my mother warned me not to have anything to do with a married man since such relationships are fraught with problems and disgrace.
Should l abort the pregnancy or what?
Ama, Nsawam.
Dear Ama,
You should have listened to the passionate advice of your mother to chart a straight path in life but it is unfortunate you did the contrary.
Now that the harm has been done, you have to plead with your parents to forgive your refusal to listen to them.
Two wrongs do not make a right so forget about aborting the pregnancy and liaise with the gentleman to take care of you through your pregnancy till the time you are delivered of the baby.
Having gone through this turbulent period successfully, make sure you do not fall into the same problem again.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My sister, who is a single mother, is expecting another baby with the same man who has refused to take responsibility for their first child.
According to her, he left when their first child was just a month old and travelled by bus to his hometown (Libya).
Three years later, he returned after a very difficult experience.
He eventually showed up after leaving the family for three years. Upon his visit, she was lured by this man and ended up in bed with him again.
She later found out that she was pregnant with her second child, and she is currently at a loss as to what she should do.
Lilian, Abofu.
Dear Lilian,
When I read such stories, I get very angry with the victims—in this case, your sister—for being so careless.
She was extremely careless by having unprotected sex with a man who does not take responsibility.
As a matter of fact, the situation your sister finds herself in is heartbreaking and frustrating. Carrying another child with a man who has shown a consistent lack of care and respect towards her and their child is a heavy burden.
In this circumstance, her health and that of the unborn child, as well as the first child, should be her priority.
Tell your sister not to rely on the man again. She should rather find something to do to gain some financial independence.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have a question for you, and it is bothering me. Who made the law that family planning should be only for women when a couple decides not to have children again?
From my research, I have realised that women go through so many complications when trying to do family planning. My auntie died from tubal ligation, and that is a sickness related to family planning.
On the other hand, some men will always blame women for unwanted pregnancies, forgetting that they also have a role to play when it comes to family planning.
Why should it always be women endangering their lives? Some women bloat, others bleed non-stop because of family planning.
My question now is this: can men also go in for vasectomy?
Ayele, Osu.
Dear Ayele,
Your question is very interesting and can generate an unending debate.
Family planning should not be a woman’s burden alone. It is unfair to put all the responsibility and risk on women when both partners are equally involved in decision-making.
In my opinion, both couples should have access to information, resources, and healthcare to make informed decisions about their reproductive health.
The fact that your auntie died from a tubal ligation is heartbreaking, and it is a stark reminder of the risks women take.
Vasectomy is a simple, safe, and effective option for men. It is time for men to step up and take responsibility in family planning.
Not only can it prevent unwanted pregnancies, but it also shows respect for a partner’s health and well-being.
Couples should have open and honest discussions about family planning and be ready to share responsibility.
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