Obaa Yaa
Husband impregnates house-help, wife adopts child
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Dear ObaaYaa,
There is a common saying that life is how you make it, and that tolerance and sobriety are qualities which will propel one to surmount difficulties in life.
I thought it wise to write to this column to sound a word of caution or to advise young ladies who married or up-and-coming ladies are contemplating to marry.
We got married and with time had to arrange for a house help because there was the need for an additional hand to assist in taking care of the children.
In no time, our zealous house help attracted the attention and love of everyone in the house and this has given me the assurance that she will possibly spend many years with us.
Having spent two years in the family, one morning, l discovered in her signs of pregnancy. From that time till evening, I took time to observe her critically and eventually confirmed that she was really pregnant.
Afraid of the implications involved with pregnancy and the reactions of her parents, l enquired from her who was responsible for the pregnancy.
I was shocked to the marrow when she mentioned my husband’s name as the one responsible for her pregnancy.
I hurried to the bedroom to verify from my husband what the house help had told me, but he denied that he had nothing to do with her pregnancy and that the lady must be joking.
Though l was enraged in general and the answer he had provided, the obvious question l asked him was “Why should this lady mention my husband’s name and no other man either in the house or in the vicinity?”
However, judging from my husband’s demeanour, l had the conviction that he impregnated our house help.
I took pains to provide our house help with the necessary assistance and the items she needed throughout her period of pregnancy until she was delivered of her baby.
It is quite surprising to note that his child resembles my two children.
Thereafter, l decided to take care of the child, compensated her and asked her to leave the house for good since her continued stay could probably result in another problem.
So this is my piece of advice to the young ones.
Akos, Kumasi.
Dear Akos,
This column would like to praise you for the display of wisdom by which you were able to calm a seemingly volatile situation in your family.
Your marriage would have disintegrated and the children disorganised if you had left your matrimonial home.
More importantly, sharing this wonderful example for others to emulate gladdens my heart that people in dilemma will learn useful lessons from this. It takes women of substance and good character to overcome such problems in their marriages. The world will continue to sing the praises of your calibre.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
