Obaa Yaa
Husband impregnates house help
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Dear ObaaYaa,
I was a house-help close to 10 years with my madam and her husband. I was responsible for raising their three children from their infancy till they entered the Junior High School.
My madam and her husband were pleased with my services and, therefore, entrusted more responsibilities into my care.
Initially, my madam invited the younger sister to take care of her children whenever she made her foreign trips. I accorded the sister the same measure of respect and assistance on those occasions.
After some time, her younger sister also got married and, therefore, could not provide support to her sister.
As the foreign trips continued, the mantle finally fell on me to take charge of the house.
Though my master has been making advances at me, l managed to turn down his requests.
One day, when my madam was away and the children were asleep, my master asked me to serve him with a bottle of beer and also take the only bottle of coke in the fridge.
l felt dizzy ten minutes after drinking the coke and by the time l woke up,my master was beside me in my bed.
Having discovered this, lwas terrified and suddenly jumped out ofthe bed, but he managed to get hold of me and one can imagine the conclusion.
After this first encounter, he made it a routine to make love to me. He gave me a lot of money in a way to compensate meand warned me not to tell anybody about it.
l am pregnant and he is forcing me to abort the pregnancy because my madam will not take kindly to it when she discovers it.
What should l do?
Memouna , Accra.
Dear Memouna,
Since two wrongs do not make a right, I will advise you to keep the pregnancy because the harm hasalready been done so you must prepare your mind to give birth.
Your continued stay in the house will expose you so it will be better for you to leave the house as early as possible. In this case your master should support you with money to settle in a different house in order to protect his marriage.
Make sure the relationships ends here after you have been delivered of your child otherwise the embarrassment will be too much.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
