Relationship
How unforgiveness, resentments destroy relationships and marriages
Unforgiveness and resentments can be toxic to relationships and marriages, causing irreparable damage if left unchecked. As a founder and director of an award-winning mental health and counselling firm, CPAC, I have seen firsthand the devastating effects of unresolved bitterness and anger on couples.
Imagine carrying a heavy backpack everywhere you go, filled with rocks representing past hurts and betrayals. Each rock weighs you down, making it harder to move forward. That is what unforgiveness can feel like in a relationship. When we refuse to forgive, we create a toxic environment that poisons our relationships.
Resentment can be a major obstacle to building and maintaining healthy relationships. When we harbor resentment, we can become preoccupied with past hurts, replaying them over and over in our minds. This can lead to feelings of anger, bitterness, and frustration, causing us to lash out at our partner or become withdrawn and distant.
Consider the story of Gifty and Daniel, a couple who had been married for 10 years. Gifty felt deeply hurt and betrayed when Daniel had an affair several years ago. Despite Daniel’s apology and efforts to rebuild their relationship, Gifty struggled to forgive. If they don’t receive lasting support, how do you think this will impact their marriage going forward?
The power of forgiveness
Forgiveness is a process that allows us to release the negative emotions associated with a particular hurt or betrayal. It is not about forgetting or condoning the offense, but rather about releasing the hold it has on us. Forgiveness can be a powerful tool for healing and rebuilding relationships.
Practical steps to forgiveness
1. Acknowledge your feelings: Recognise how you feel and give yourself permission to process those emotions.
2. Identify the hurt: Understand the specific hurt or betrayal that is causing your pain.
3. Let go of the need for revenge: Recognise that seeking revenge will not bring healing or closure.
4. Choose to forgive: Make a conscious decision to forgive, not for the other person’s sake, but for yours.
5. Work on rebuilding trust: If the hurt was caused by a betrayal of trust, work on rebuilding it through consistent changed behaviour and open communication.
Effective communication is key to resolving conflicts and rebuilding relationships. Couples should prioritise open and honest communication, actively listening to each other, and clarifying expectations. By doing so, they can avoid most misunderstandings and work through challenges together.
Practical tips for couples
– Practice empathy: Try to understand your partner’s perspective and feelings.
– Use “I” statements: Instead of blaming your partner, use “I” statements to express your feelings and thoughts.
– Take responsibility: Own up to your mistakes and take responsibility for your actions.
– Seek support: Consider couples therapy or counseling (check out Counselor Prince & Associates Consult, CPAC) to work through challenges and strengthen your relationship.
By following these practical tips and working on forgiveness, couples can build a stronger, more loving relationship that will stand the test of time.
In conclusion, unforgiveness and resentments can be toxic to relationships and marriages. By choosing to forgive and working on rebuilding trust, couples can create a stronger, more resilient relationship. Remember, forgiveness is a process, and it may take time. But with effort, commitment, and a willingness to work through challenges, couples can overcome the obstacles that stand in their way.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).
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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
By Counselor Prince Offei
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Building and maintaining healthy relationships is an important part of looking after our mental health. Here are six top tips to support you:
1. Get to know yourself
Take time to appreciate yourself and connect with your emotions. Being aware of your feelings allows you to express yourself clearly and effectively. Poor emotional regulation can negatively affect your mental wellbeing.
2. Put in the work
Healthy relationships are built, not found. They require commitment and a willingness to accommodate each other’s needs.
3. Set and respect boundaries
Boundaries communicate what you appreciate and what you don’t like in a relationship. For example, respecting your need for alone time helps prevent unrealistic expectations and reduces pressure on the relationship.
4. Talk and listen
Disagreements are normal. Focus on listening to understand, not just to respond. Be open about your emotions and vulnerabilities with people you trust.
5. Let go of control
You can only control your actions, not those of others. Accepting this reduces stress and saves time while fostering healthier interactions.
6. Reflect and learn
Healthy expression of feelings helps you respond appropriately to others. Often, anger stems from hurt; recognizing this allows for better communication and relationship building. Reflect on the relationships that work well in your life, identify their positive qualities, and apply these lessons elsewhere.
As parents on a mission, raise children who are not just successful, but cultured, morally upright, and ready to lead. The secret? Blend biblical principles and traditional values with practical parenting strategies that work in today’s world.
Ghana’s culture is built on respect, community, and integrity, and when combined with Christian values like love and forgiveness, it is a powerful combo for parenting. Teaching children about traditions, biblical truths, or the importance of greeting elders is not just about preserving culture—it is about building character.
5 Practical steps to raise disciplined, cultured kids
1. Set clear expectations
Explain rules and values clearly. For example, “We respect elders because God says ‘Honour your father and mother’” (Ephesians 6:2). Also, “We respect elders because they have lived longer and know more.” Align household rules with cultural values like obedience and responsibility.
2. Lead by example
Children mimic what they see. Show respect to elders, speak kindly, and demonstrate honesty in daily life. Proverb: “If you show a child how to behave, they’ll behave.” Moreover, Proverbs 22:6 says, “Train up a child in the way they should go …” You can also introduce them to traditional games like “Oware” or “Ampe,” which teach strategic thinking.
3. Teach emotional intelligence
Help children label emotions (“You’re feeling angry”). Encourage resolving conflicts peacefully—like using “sorry” to mend relationships. Ghanaian proverb: “A smooth sea doesn’t make a skilled sailor.”
4. Assign responsibilities
Give age-appropriate chores (e.g., fetching water, helping with cooking). It builds accountability and pride in contributing. Link chores to cultural values like communal living (“We all help in the community”) and biblical stewardship.
5. Embed culture and faith in daily life
Cook traditional foods like Banku, Jollof rice, or Fufu, tell folktales, or celebrate local festivals with prayer and gratitude. Discuss values like ubuntu (I am because we are) to teach teamwork and empathy; alongside God’s love for unity (John 13:34-35). Make culture fun and relatable.
Some other awesome ways to make Ghanaian culture relatable for children include:
- Sharing popular Ghanaian artists like Joe Mettle, Uncle Ato, or Obaapa Christie, and teaching traditional dances like Kpanlogo or Adowa.
- Exploring Ghanaian crafts like kente weaving or bead-making through online workshops.
- Talking about festivals like Homowo (celebrated by the Ga people) or Aboakyer (a deer-hunting festival) using cool videos and pictures online.
Why this matters for Ghana’s future leaders
- Respect and integrity: Cultured children grow into leaders who respect others and uphold ethical standards.
- Community mindset: Values like cooperation and serving others (Galatians 5:13) prepare them to contribute positively to society.
- Resilience: Cultural roots give children a strong identity, helping them navigate life’s challenges.
Parenting in the digital age
- Balance screen time with cultural activities. Use Anansi stories or Bible stories on YouTube or play Oware to teach strategy and patience.
- Discuss social media etiquette through the lens of respect, responsibility, and biblical wisdom (Proverbs 15:4).
Final thought for Ghanaian parents
February 2026 is a fresh start. Blend Ghana’s timeless values with modern tools to raise leaders who are grounded, respectful, and ready to thrive.
To be continued …
Source: REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI and Counselor Blessing Offei’s insights on relationships, marriage, and parenting in Ghana. He is an author, mental health professional, lecturer, and marriage counsellor at COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE). He is the author of several books, including “Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage” and “A Counsellor’s Guide to Using ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Effectively.”
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