Relationship
Toxic behaviours that pushes people away from you (2)
Being negative all the time!
Negativity can be contagious. And people are definitely going to stay clear of you if you have a negative mindset. A little negativity is bound to creep into everyone’s head. But if you allow it to reside there and grow, that’s where the problem begins.
Having no control over your emotions
You’re easily hurt and easily enraged. The tiniest of upset ticks you off. If this burst of emotions is too frequent, you should get to the root of it. A little slip of control once in a blue moon is excusable, but if it’s constant, you need help. Don’t be ashamed of seeking help when you need it. This will not only benefit you, but the people around you will also be able to take a sigh of relief.
Judging people too quickly
People and things often don’t appear to be how they actually are. Don’t jump to conclusions about anyone. Instead of judging them for their behaviour, try placing yourself in their shoes. Consider why they’re acting the way they are. If they’re agitated with you, even when you haven’t done anything, it may be because of someone or something else. People act out of pain and anger all the time. Be understanding rather than insensitive.
Being unkind
People are becoming more self-involved and less concerned with others by the minute. Humans cannot thrive without compassion. It is something that holds us all together. It can help you win over people. When you lack empathy, you have no trouble being hurtful to the next person. You fail to realise the emotional and mental damage you’re causing them. You’re giving people a reason to resent you. Learn to be thoughtful of others. Never be the reason behind someone’s pain.
Cheating
You dare to do immoral things when you know there isn’t going to be any accountability. Either you’re cheating in a relationship, or business, or any number of things, it is still wrong. Just because you can get away with it, doesn’t make it right. A healthy conscience wouldn’t allow you to do such a thing. When people place their trust in you, don’t make them pay for it.
Not being yourself
If you’re not comfortable with being yourself, how can you expect people to accept you either? Don’t try to change your ways just to fit in. Because once you do, you’re going to revert to your old ways. People will take you to be a pretentious liar. Be yourself at all times. You don’t need people to like you, just to accept you the way you are. Every one of us is different from the other. Appreciate the differences. However, if there is room for improvement, never hesitate from becoming better than you were yesterday.
Depending on others’ approval
The only people who live in such a way are those who aren’t sure of themselves. Lacking confidence in oneself can be very off-putting. And since you want everyone’s approval, you’ll go crazy trying to win everyone over. It’s tiring for everyone involved. The offside is that you can’t please everyone. And despite all your efforts, you’ll never have everyone’s approval. It sidetracks you from becoming the person you’re meant to be and the things you’re supposed to be doing. Cease making your life difficult.
Being obsessed with perfection
Perfection, like everything else, is not a constant thing. What might seem perfect in this very moment, could be a problem the very next. Be flexible. If you keep going after perfection, your search will be an endless one, and never fruitful. Be grateful for what you have and be patient. Allow things to work out the way they are meant to. With time you’ll come to realise that what you have is a perfect fit for all your needs.
Navigating social media boundaries as a couple can be a tricky task. With the constant access to our loved ones’ lives that social media provides, it’s important to establish clear boundaries to ensure a healthy and trusting relationship. Here are some tips to help couples manage social media use.
1. Have an Open and Honest Conversation
The first step in setting boundaries on social media is to talk openly and honestly with your partner about how you both feel regarding social media usage. These conversations can be challenging but are essential for maintaining understanding and trust.
2. Be Specific
When discussing boundaries, be specific about the behaviour that bothers you and what you would like to change.
- Instead of saying, “You spend too much time on social media,” try:
“I feel neglected when you are on your phone for extended periods during our conversations. Can we set a limit on phone usage during quality time together?”
3. Be Considerate
Respect and understand your partner’s point of view. The goal is not to control each other, but to create a healthy balance that strengthens the relationship.
4. Agree on Social Media Etiquette
Social media etiquette involves setting clear guidelines for how you and your partner will interact online. This may include:
- Whether you will follow each other on social media.
- What kinds of photos or posts are acceptable.
- How to interact with friends, family, or others online.
Privacy is key in these discussions.
5. Respect Each Other’s Privacy
Respecting privacy is one of the most critical aspects of social media boundaries:
- Do not snoop on your partner’s social media accounts.
- Avoid sharing personal information about them.
- Don’t post pictures or updates they may be uncomfortable with.
6. Don’t Use Social Media as a Measure of Your Relationship
Social media often highlights only the “best moments” of relationships. Avoid comparing your relationship to others online.
- Focus on your unique relationship and its successes.
- Remember that every relationship faces its own challenges and joys.
Conclusion
Setting boundaries on social media is crucial for a healthy, happy relationship. Key factors include:
- Open and honest communication.
- Respect for each other’s privacy.
- Avoiding comparisons using social media as a benchmark.
By prioritising these practices, couples can strengthen trust, intimacy, and emotional connection while navigating the digital world together.
Source: Arkansas Relationship Counselling Centre
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In the realm of romantic relationships, vulnerability and openness are often misconstrued as signs of weakness. However, research in psychology and relationship counselling suggests that embracing vulnerability can be a powerful catalyst for deepening emotional intimacy and strengthening bonds.
Vulnerability involves sharing our innermost thoughts, feelings, and desires with our partner, making us susceptible to potential hurt or rejection. Yet, it is precisely this openness that allows us to build trust, foster empathy, and create a sense of safety in our relationships.
When couples prioritise vulnerability, they often experience a profound shift in their relationship dynamics. For instance, a couple I counselled who were struggling to connect after a recent move found that sharing their fears and anxieties with each other helped them rebuild their emotional intimacy. By being open about their struggles, they were able to support each other and strengthen their bond.
Benefits of Vulnerability and Openness
- Deeper Understanding: By sharing our thoughts and feelings, we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our partner.
- Increased Empathy: When we are open about our struggles, our partner is more likely to respond with compassion and support.
- Resilience: Vulnerability helps us develop coping mechanisms and learn to navigate challenges together.
- Authentic Connection: By being our authentic selves, we create a sense of mutual understanding and connection.
Cultivating Vulnerability
So, how can we cultivate vulnerability in our relationships? Here are some practical tips:
- Start Small: Begin by sharing your thoughts and feelings in low-stakes situations, like discussing a book or movie. Gradually share more personal aspects of yourself as you become comfortable.
- Practice Active Listening: When your partner shares their vulnerabilities, respond with empathy and understanding. This helps create a safe space for open communication.
- Be Present: Focus on the present moment and let go of distractions. This will help you stay engaged and responsive to your partner’s needs.
- Show Appreciation: Express gratitude for your partner’s vulnerability and celebrate their courage in sharing their thoughts and feelings.
In many successful relationships, couples have reported that regular “check-ins” or meaningful conversations help them stay connected and build a stronger bond. By prioritising vulnerability and openness, couples are better able to address life’s challenges together, fostering a deeper sense of connection and intimacy.
Vulnerability and openness are essential components of a healthy, fulfilling relationship. By embracing these qualities, we can build stronger, more resilient bonds with our partners.
As we navigate the complexities of relationships, let us remember that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a strength that can bring us closer to ourselves and our loved ones.
To be continued…
Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” by Rev. Counselor Prince Offei
(Lecturer, Published Author, Mental Health Professional, and Marriage Counsellor)
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Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC Counsellor Training Institute)
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