Relationship
Toxic behaviours that pushes people away from you (2)
Being negative all the time!
Negativity can be contagious. And people are definitely going to stay clear of you if you have a negative mindset. A little negativity is bound to creep into everyone’s head. But if you allow it to reside there and grow, that’s where the problem begins.
Having no control over your emotions
You’re easily hurt and easily enraged. The tiniest of upset ticks you off. If this burst of emotions is too frequent, you should get to the root of it. A little slip of control once in a blue moon is excusable, but if it’s constant, you need help. Don’t be ashamed of seeking help when you need it. This will not only benefit you, but the people around you will also be able to take a sigh of relief.
Judging people too quickly
People and things often don’t appear to be how they actually are. Don’t jump to conclusions about anyone. Instead of judging them for their behaviour, try placing yourself in their shoes. Consider why they’re acting the way they are. If they’re agitated with you, even when you haven’t done anything, it may be because of someone or something else. People act out of pain and anger all the time. Be understanding rather than insensitive.
Being unkind
People are becoming more self-involved and less concerned with others by the minute. Humans cannot thrive without compassion. It is something that holds us all together. It can help you win over people. When you lack empathy, you have no trouble being hurtful to the next person. You fail to realise the emotional and mental damage you’re causing them. You’re giving people a reason to resent you. Learn to be thoughtful of others. Never be the reason behind someone’s pain.
Cheating
You dare to do immoral things when you know there isn’t going to be any accountability. Either you’re cheating in a relationship, or business, or any number of things, it is still wrong. Just because you can get away with it, doesn’t make it right. A healthy conscience wouldn’t allow you to do such a thing. When people place their trust in you, don’t make them pay for it.
Not being yourself
If you’re not comfortable with being yourself, how can you expect people to accept you either? Don’t try to change your ways just to fit in. Because once you do, you’re going to revert to your old ways. People will take you to be a pretentious liar. Be yourself at all times. You don’t need people to like you, just to accept you the way you are. Every one of us is different from the other. Appreciate the differences. However, if there is room for improvement, never hesitate from becoming better than you were yesterday.
Depending on others’ approval
The only people who live in such a way are those who aren’t sure of themselves. Lacking confidence in oneself can be very off-putting. And since you want everyone’s approval, you’ll go crazy trying to win everyone over. It’s tiring for everyone involved. The offside is that you can’t please everyone. And despite all your efforts, you’ll never have everyone’s approval. It sidetracks you from becoming the person you’re meant to be and the things you’re supposed to be doing. Cease making your life difficult.
Being obsessed with perfection
Perfection, like everything else, is not a constant thing. What might seem perfect in this very moment, could be a problem the very next. Be flexible. If you keep going after perfection, your search will be an endless one, and never fruitful. Be grateful for what you have and be patient. Allow things to work out the way they are meant to. With time you’ll come to realise that what you have is a perfect fit for all your needs.
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
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SHE did not find out he was cheating. She found out he was drowning.
It was two weeks after their beautiful wedding. The jollof was still in the fridge. A loan officer called her number—not his—and politely asked, “Madam, please tell your husband to pay his overdue loan. We have been calling him.”
That was how she discovered her new husband had entered their marriage with a hidden debt of over GH¢40,000. No cheating. No other woman. Just a financial secret.
And that is how many Ghanaian marriages begin to die. Not with a shout, but with a secret alert on a phone.
In my therapy/counselling office in Accra, week after week, I sit with couples whose marriages are not broken by infidelity, but by invoices. If you ask me what is quietly killing Ghanaian marriages today, I will tell you without blinking: it is not that love has died; it is that money honesty never lived.
We prepare for the wedding. We do not prepare for the wallet.
What is money honesty?
Let me define it simply. Money honesty is not that you both earn the same. It is that you both know the same. It is the ability to sit down and say without fear:
“This is how much I earn.”
“This is how much I owe.”
“This is how I was raised to see money.”
“This is what scares me about money.”
Financial transparency is not about control. It is about clarity. You cannot build trust on top of secrets.
Many couples tell me, “Counselor, we love each other, love will handle money.” I always answer, “Love is the car, but money honesty is the fuel. Love without honesty cannot move.”
Why do Ghanaian partners hide money?
From my clinical observation, it is not always wickedness. It is often woundedness.
1. The fear of losing power: Especially for men, money is seen as power. “If she knows how much I have, she will control me or disrespect me.” So he hides.
2. Family entanglement: “If my wife knows I give my mother GH¢1,500 every month, there will be trouble.” So he creates a second MoMo account. Many Ghanaian marriages have three accounts—his, hers, and the secret family one.
3. Past trauma: A woman who grew up in a home where her mother begged for chop money will never be honest about her savings. She is not greedy. She is scared. She is saving for her survival.
4. Debt shame: In Ghana today, with easy access to Qwikloan, Fido, and bank salary loans, many young men and women enter marriage already drowning in debt. They hide it because they feel, “If I tell him/her, they won’t marry me.”
So the hiding begins. And that is where the insurance lapses.
The 3 Devastating Prices You Pay For Financial Secrecy
Research from Kansas State University found that arguments about money are the number one predictor of divorce, more than arguments about children, in-laws, or sex. Why? Because money arguments are never about money. They are about trust, respect, and security.
Price 1: It destroys trust faster than infidelity.
When you discover your spouse has a secret child, you are hurt. When you discover your spouse has a secret debt that loan officers are now chasing YOU for, you feel betrayed and foolish. Clients tell me, “Counselor, I can forgive cheating, but I cannot forgive that he made me look like a fool at the bank.”
Price 2: It creates chronic anxiety in your home.
A home where money is a mystery is a home where no one sleeps well. The wife is always checking his phone not for other women, but for loan alerts. The husband is always anxious when his wife says, “Can we talk?” You cannot have intimacy where there is financial anxiety.
Price 3: It teaches your children to lie.
Children are watching. When daddy says, “Tell anyone who calls that I am not around because of money,” you are teaching your son that lying about money is normal. We are raising a generation of financially dishonest partners.
