Relationship
Toxic behaviours that push people away from you
Mood swings aren’t limited to hormonal women alone. Everyone experiences them now and then. How often have you heard someone apologise for their inappropriate behaviour, using the I was in a mood’ line? Often enough right. Life is tough, not just for you, but for every single person. Maybe not in the same way it is difficult for you. Things don’t always work out the way you want them to. And some people put you in a mood by simply existing. But, if you allow all this negativity to engulf you and to profess in your behaviour, you’re not only harming yourself but everyone around you as well. Toxic behaviours will push people away. You yourself avoid toxic people, don’t you?
Being jealous of practically everyone!
Firstly, you should be grateful for all the good things in your life. That way you’ll never feel the need to compare your life with anyone else’s. Secondly, there shouldn’t be any need for comparison. Consider your family, let alone anyone else. Isn’t your life different than your siblings? It definitely is. Because you all want different things from life, your journeys are entirely different, and even though you’re related, every one of you has a distinct personality. There is no ground for comparison. Thirdly, even if there is something someone has that you want, instead of turning green with envy, focus on working for it. You’re only using your time in a better way and as a result, you’d get what you want.
Thinking every word and action is about you
The way people treat you is a statement about who they are as a human. It is not a statement about you
So even if someone is being rude, or at their worst around you, it doesn’t necessarily have to mean that you’re the reason behind it. Sure if you’ve done them wrong, that kind of behaviour is expected. But don’t make everything about yourself. They might just be acting out because they’re having a bad day. It doesn’t have to do anything with you. You’re not the reason behind it. So don’t be offended by every little thing people say or do. Don’t take people’s negativity personally. You should know yourself better than anyone else. Therefore, when people are making baseless remarks about you, just ignore them. However, be sure to take note of positive criticism. It’s for your own good.
Constantly complaining about not having any power over your own life
Life isn’t all that fair at times. Everyone learns that sooner or later. But complaining about it doesn’t help in any way. It doesn’t allow you to move forward and simply annoys the people around you. There is always a tiny window of opportunity even in the most disastrous of situations. And you’d be able to find it, only if you stop whining so much and start focusing on damage control. Setbacks are inevitable, but allowing them to hold you back, is entirely up to you. You might not have control over everything, but some things are in your control. Like making the right choices for yourself. Acknowledge and embrace that.
Holding on to things
What doesn’t kill you would only make you stronger if you allow it to. Holding on to pain, heartbreak and loss is just excess baggage you’re carrying around. It’s weighing you down. It’s keeping you from moving forward and growing. Try transforming all of that into strength. All the things you’ve been through should only make you fearless. Learn to let go of everything that is holding you back. Design room for new emotions and experiences. Leave the past where it belongs.
Navigating social media boundaries as a couple can be a tricky task. With the constant access to our loved ones’ lives that social media provides, it’s important to establish clear boundaries to ensure a healthy and trusting relationship. Here are some tips to help couples manage social media use.
1. Have an Open and Honest Conversation
The first step in setting boundaries on social media is to talk openly and honestly with your partner about how you both feel regarding social media usage. These conversations can be challenging but are essential for maintaining understanding and trust.
2. Be Specific
When discussing boundaries, be specific about the behaviour that bothers you and what you would like to change.
- Instead of saying, “You spend too much time on social media,” try:
“I feel neglected when you are on your phone for extended periods during our conversations. Can we set a limit on phone usage during quality time together?”
3. Be Considerate
Respect and understand your partner’s point of view. The goal is not to control each other, but to create a healthy balance that strengthens the relationship.
4. Agree on Social Media Etiquette
Social media etiquette involves setting clear guidelines for how you and your partner will interact online. This may include:
- Whether you will follow each other on social media.
- What kinds of photos or posts are acceptable.
- How to interact with friends, family, or others online.
Privacy is key in these discussions.
5. Respect Each Other’s Privacy
Respecting privacy is one of the most critical aspects of social media boundaries:
- Do not snoop on your partner’s social media accounts.
- Avoid sharing personal information about them.
- Don’t post pictures or updates they may be uncomfortable with.
6. Don’t Use Social Media as a Measure of Your Relationship
Social media often highlights only the “best moments” of relationships. Avoid comparing your relationship to others online.
- Focus on your unique relationship and its successes.
- Remember that every relationship faces its own challenges and joys.
Conclusion
Setting boundaries on social media is crucial for a healthy, happy relationship. Key factors include:
- Open and honest communication.
- Respect for each other’s privacy.
- Avoiding comparisons using social media as a benchmark.
By prioritising these practices, couples can strengthen trust, intimacy, and emotional connection while navigating the digital world together.
Source: Arkansas Relationship Counselling Centre
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In the realm of romantic relationships, vulnerability and openness are often misconstrued as signs of weakness. However, research in psychology and relationship counselling suggests that embracing vulnerability can be a powerful catalyst for deepening emotional intimacy and strengthening bonds.
Vulnerability involves sharing our innermost thoughts, feelings, and desires with our partner, making us susceptible to potential hurt or rejection. Yet, it is precisely this openness that allows us to build trust, foster empathy, and create a sense of safety in our relationships.
When couples prioritise vulnerability, they often experience a profound shift in their relationship dynamics. For instance, a couple I counselled who were struggling to connect after a recent move found that sharing their fears and anxieties with each other helped them rebuild their emotional intimacy. By being open about their struggles, they were able to support each other and strengthen their bond.
Benefits of Vulnerability and Openness
- Deeper Understanding: By sharing our thoughts and feelings, we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves and our partner.
- Increased Empathy: When we are open about our struggles, our partner is more likely to respond with compassion and support.
- Resilience: Vulnerability helps us develop coping mechanisms and learn to navigate challenges together.
- Authentic Connection: By being our authentic selves, we create a sense of mutual understanding and connection.
Cultivating Vulnerability
So, how can we cultivate vulnerability in our relationships? Here are some practical tips:
- Start Small: Begin by sharing your thoughts and feelings in low-stakes situations, like discussing a book or movie. Gradually share more personal aspects of yourself as you become comfortable.
- Practice Active Listening: When your partner shares their vulnerabilities, respond with empathy and understanding. This helps create a safe space for open communication.
- Be Present: Focus on the present moment and let go of distractions. This will help you stay engaged and responsive to your partner’s needs.
- Show Appreciation: Express gratitude for your partner’s vulnerability and celebrate their courage in sharing their thoughts and feelings.
In many successful relationships, couples have reported that regular “check-ins” or meaningful conversations help them stay connected and build a stronger bond. By prioritising vulnerability and openness, couples are better able to address life’s challenges together, fostering a deeper sense of connection and intimacy.
Vulnerability and openness are essential components of a healthy, fulfilling relationship. By embracing these qualities, we can build stronger, more resilient bonds with our partners.
As we navigate the complexities of relationships, let us remember that vulnerability is not a weakness, but a strength that can bring us closer to ourselves and our loved ones.
To be continued…
Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” by Rev. Counselor Prince Offei
(Lecturer, Published Author, Mental Health Professional, and Marriage Counsellor)
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Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC Counsellor Training Institute)
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