Relationship
Toxic behaviours that push people away from you
Mood swings aren’t limited to hormonal women alone. Everyone experiences them now and then. How often have you heard someone apologise for their inappropriate behaviour, using the I was in a mood’ line? Often enough right. Life is tough, not just for you, but for every single person. Maybe not in the same way it is difficult for you. Things don’t always work out the way you want them to. And some people put you in a mood by simply existing. But, if you allow all this negativity to engulf you and to profess in your behaviour, you’re not only harming yourself but everyone around you as well. Toxic behaviours will push people away. You yourself avoid toxic people, don’t you?
Being jealous of practically everyone!
Firstly, you should be grateful for all the good things in your life. That way you’ll never feel the need to compare your life with anyone else’s. Secondly, there shouldn’t be any need for comparison. Consider your family, let alone anyone else. Isn’t your life different than your siblings? It definitely is. Because you all want different things from life, your journeys are entirely different, and even though you’re related, every one of you has a distinct personality. There is no ground for comparison. Thirdly, even if there is something someone has that you want, instead of turning green with envy, focus on working for it. You’re only using your time in a better way and as a result, you’d get what you want.
Thinking every word and action is about you
The way people treat you is a statement about who they are as a human. It is not a statement about you
So even if someone is being rude, or at their worst around you, it doesn’t necessarily have to mean that you’re the reason behind it. Sure if you’ve done them wrong, that kind of behaviour is expected. But don’t make everything about yourself. They might just be acting out because they’re having a bad day. It doesn’t have to do anything with you. You’re not the reason behind it. So don’t be offended by every little thing people say or do. Don’t take people’s negativity personally. You should know yourself better than anyone else. Therefore, when people are making baseless remarks about you, just ignore them. However, be sure to take note of positive criticism. It’s for your own good.
Constantly complaining about not having any power over your own life
Life isn’t all that fair at times. Everyone learns that sooner or later. But complaining about it doesn’t help in any way. It doesn’t allow you to move forward and simply annoys the people around you. There is always a tiny window of opportunity even in the most disastrous of situations. And you’d be able to find it, only if you stop whining so much and start focusing on damage control. Setbacks are inevitable, but allowing them to hold you back, is entirely up to you. You might not have control over everything, but some things are in your control. Like making the right choices for yourself. Acknowledge and embrace that.
Holding on to things
What doesn’t kill you would only make you stronger if you allow it to. Holding on to pain, heartbreak and loss is just excess baggage you’re carrying around. It’s weighing you down. It’s keeping you from moving forward and growing. Try transforming all of that into strength. All the things you’ve been through should only make you fearless. Learn to let go of everything that is holding you back. Design room for new emotions and experiences. Leave the past where it belongs.
Marriage is meant to be a safe place where two people build, grow, and support each other. But what happens when one partner’s need for admiration, control, and self-importance slowly erodes the emotional safety of the home?
As a marriage counsellor and mental health professional, I meet women who say, “I feel like I’m walking on eggshells at home,” or “No matter what I do, it’s never enough.” Often, what they are describing are patterns linked to living with a narcissistic husband.
Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Not every selfish or proud man is a clinical narcissist. But when these traits become consistent patterns that harm your mental health, self-worth, and sense of reality, it is time to pay attention.
Here are seven realistic signs you may be married to a narcissistic husband:
1. Everything is about him
Conversations, decisions, and even your achievements somehow circle back to him. If you share good news, he quickly shifts the focus to his own success or minimizes yours.
Over time, you feel invisible in your own marriage. A healthy marriage makes space for both partners’ voices. A narcissistic dynamic makes space for only one.
2. You feel constantly blamed and criticised
No matter how hard you try, you are made to feel inadequate. He may use subtle sarcasm, public criticism, or outright blame to keep you off balance. This is not constructive feedback—it is a tactic to control and diminish you. You begin to question your memory, judgment, and worth. In psychology, this is called “gaslighting,” and it is a common tool in narcissistic relationships.
3. Empathy is missing when you need it most
When you are sick, stressed, or grieving, a narcissistic husband often appears emotionally distant or irritated. He struggles to validate your feelings unless it benefits him. Real empathy requires stepping outside oneself. Narcissism keeps the focus inward, making emotional support feel transactional or absent.
4. Control disguised as “Love” or “Protection”
He may monitor your phone, dictate how you dress, or isolate you from friends and family under the guise of caring for you. Healthy love promotes freedom and trust. Narcissistic control seeks to keep you dependent and manageable. Over time, this erodes your independence and confidence.
5. Love feels conditional and performance-based
Affection, praise, and attention come when you meet his expectations. When you do not, you face silent treatment, anger, or withdrawal. This creates a cycle where you work harder to “earn” love that should be freely given. Marriage is not a performance stage—it’s a partnership.
6. He avoids accountability
When issues arise, he rarely apologizes sincerely or takes responsibility. Instead, he deflects, blames you, or rewrites the story to make himself the victim. A marriage cannot heal if one partner refuses to own their part. Accountability is the foundation of trust.
7. Your mental health is declining
Perhaps the clearest sign is what is happening inside you. Do you feel anxious, drained, confused, or less confident than when you got married? Living with chronic emotional invalidation and control takes a toll on your nervous system and self-esteem. Your mental health is a reliable indicator that something is wrong.
What can you do?
Recognizing these signs is not about labeling and leaving. It is about seeing clearly so you can make informed choices for your mental and emotional well-being.
1. Seek clarity through professional support: A trained counsellor can help you separate reality from manipulation and rebuild your self-worth.
2. Set healthy boundaries: Boundaries are not punishment. They are protection for your peace and dignity.
3. Build a support system: Isolate yourself less. Share with trusted friends, family, or support groups. You are not crazy, and you are not alone.
4. Prioritise your mental health: Therapy, journaling, prayer, and self-care are not selfish. They are necessary for survival and clarity.
Marriage should add to your life, not subtract from your sense of self. If you recognise these patterns, know this: naming the problem is the first step toward healing, whether that healing happens within the marriage or through creating a safer life for yourself.
Source:
Counselor Prince Offei is a leading Mental Health Professional, Marriage Counsellor, Author, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, and Spectator Newspaper Columnist. He writes on relationships, marriage, parenting, special needs support, and their connection to mental health.
Marriage is meant to be a safe place where two people build, grow, and support each other. But what happens when one partner’s need for admiration, control, and self-importance slowly erodes the emotional safety of the home?
As a marriage counsellor and mental health professional, I meet women who say, “I feel like I’m walking on eggshells at home,” or “No matter what I do, it’s never enough.” Often, what they are describing are patterns linked to living with a narcissistic husband.
Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Not every selfish or proud man is a clinical narcissist. But when these traits become consistent patterns that harm your mental health, self-worth, and sense of reality, it is time to pay attention.
Here are seven realistic signs you may be married to a narcissistic husband:
1. Everything is about him
Conversations, decisions, and even your achievements somehow circle back to him. If you share good news, he quickly shifts the focus to his own success or minimizes yours.
Over time, you feel invisible in your own marriage. A healthy marriage makes space for both partners’ voices. A narcissistic dynamic makes space for only one.
2. You feel constantly blamed and criticised
No matter how hard you try, you are made to feel inadequate. He may use subtle sarcasm, public criticism, or outright blame to keep you off balance. This is not constructive feedback—it is a tactic to control and diminish you. You begin to question your memory, judgment, and worth. In psychology, this is called “gaslighting,” and it is a common tool in narcissistic relationships.
3. Empathy is missing when you need it most
When you are sick, stressed, or grieving, a narcissistic husband often appears emotionally distant or irritated. He struggles to validate your feelings unless it benefits him. Real empathy requires stepping outside oneself. Narcissism keeps the focus inward, making emotional support feel transactional or absent.
4. Control disguised as “Love” or “Protection”
He may monitor your phone, dictate how you dress, or isolate you from friends and family under the guise of caring for you. Healthy love promotes freedom and trust. Narcissistic control seeks to keep you dependent and manageable. Over time, this erodes your independence and confidence.
5. Love feels conditional and performance-based
Affection, praise, and attention come when you meet his expectations. When you do not, you face silent treatment, anger, or withdrawal. This creates a cycle where you work harder to “earn” love that should be freely given. Marriage is not a performance stage—it’s a partnership.
6. He avoids accountability
When issues arise, he rarely apologizes sincerely or takes responsibility. Instead, he deflects, blames you, or rewrites the story to make himself the victim. A marriage cannot heal if one partner refuses to own their part. Accountability is the foundation of trust.
7. Your mental health is declining
Perhaps the clearest sign is what is happening inside you. Do you feel anxious, drained, confused, or less confident than when you got married? Living with chronic emotional invalidation and control takes a toll on your nervous system and self-esteem. Your mental health is a reliable indicator that something is wrong.
What can you do?
Recognizing these signs is not about labeling and leaving. It is about seeing clearly so you can make informed choices for your mental and emotional well-being.
1. Seek clarity through professional support: A trained counsellor can help you separate reality from manipulation and rebuild your self-worth.
2. Set healthy boundaries: Boundaries are not punishment. They are protection for your peace and dignity.
3. Build a support system: Isolate yourself less. Share with trusted friends, family, or support groups. You are not crazy, and you are not alone.
4. Prioritise your mental health: Therapy, journaling, prayer, and self-care are not selfish. They are necessary for survival and clarity.
Marriage should add to your life, not subtract from your sense of self. If you recognise these patterns, know this: naming the problem is the first step toward healing, whether that healing happens within the marriage or through creating a safer life for yourself.
Source:
Counselor Prince Offei is a leading Mental Health Professional, Marriage Counsellor, Author, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, and Spectator Newspaper Columnist. He writes on relationships, marriage, parenting, special needs support, and their connection to mental health.
