Relationship
Things you shouldn’t do at the beginning of a relationship
The beginning of a relationship is one of the most exhilarating moments for a couple. It is okay to be all over each other, but avoid letting your excitement ruin a blossoming romance.
It is normal to feel excited and hopeful of the future your relationship may have. But here are few things you should avoid doing in a blossoming relationship.
1. Playing hard to get
While it’s always best not to be too ‘available’ for your new boyfriend, it’s not a good thing to play hard to get. Your boyfriend will surely notice it, and it won’t make a good impression on him.
So, if you’re not busy, answer his text messages or calls. If you are available for a date when he asks, say yes. Just be honest, and stay between being easy and playing hard to get to make sure the relationship moves smoothly.
2. Being too clingy and needy
Since your relationship is new and you don’t know much about your new guy yet, it’s only natural to want to spend every waking moment with him. You want to get to know him, and you’re hungry for his presence and all the things that attracted you to him in the first place.
However, your boyfriend needs to breathe and do things on his own. Even if he likes you, he still has to have time for himself. He can’t be with you 24/7, so don’t pressure him into spending every moment with you.
Let him do his thing, and you’ll be amazed at how he’ll want to be with you more because you’re not suffocating him.
3. Being too jealous and possessive
Your boyfriend will likely have friends of the opposite sex who he still sees and talks to. Don’t prevent him from doing so because it’s inappropriate. You don’t want him to think that you’re the crazy girlfriend, right?
Don’t be jealous of these friends, because before you became his girlfriend, they were there for him and were his friends already. You probably also have friends of the opposite sex who you don’t wish to ditch for your new boyfriend. Be understanding and know your boundaries.
4. Expecting your boyfriend to read your mind
It’s easy to assume that your new guy knows what’s going on inside that mind of yours, but he doesn’t. This is why you should never expect him to be a mind reader. You have to communicate your expectations and needs to him, and he should do the same thing so that the relationship can flourish.
If you always expect him to know exactly what you need, you’ll be in for disappointment.
5. Lying
The problem with lying at the beginning is that it all starts with a small lie. To cover up that lie, you’ll be forced to make another lie until such time that you have to lie constantly so that you don’t get caught in the previous lies.
This is something your new partner does not deserve, so don’t make them suffer because of your issues. Be honest because they deserve the truth.
6. Talking about the future constantly
You just started dating so initiating talks about the future, like moving in together or settling down, is just inappropriate. While it’s something that can warm the heart of your significant other (given the affection you evidently have for him), it can also place unnecessary pressure on him (because he may not feel the same way just yet).
So, don’t ‘scare’ him away by this kind of talk. Just enjoy the ride. You can talk about how many kids you’ll have and when you want to start a family with him when the right time comes.
7. Losing your sense of self
Often, people stop pursuing their passions when they enter a new relationship. Even if you want to spend all your time with your partner, find time to do what makes you happy and fulfills you as a person.
8. Ignoring signs of trouble
If your partner shows any signs that he may have violent tendencies, do not shrug them off. Be sure to keep your eyes open and look for other signs that will confirm that he has issues.
It’s easier to walk away when you haven’t fallen in love with him yet than when you’ve already given him your all.
- Relategist.com
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
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SHE did not find out he was cheating. She found out he was drowning.
It was two weeks after their beautiful wedding. The jollof was still in the fridge. A loan officer called her number—not his—and politely asked, “Madam, please tell your husband to pay his overdue loan. We have been calling him.”
That was how she discovered her new husband had entered their marriage with a hidden debt of over GH¢40,000. No cheating. No other woman. Just a financial secret.
And that is how many Ghanaian marriages begin to die. Not with a shout, but with a secret alert on a phone.
In my therapy/counselling office in Accra, week after week, I sit with couples whose marriages are not broken by infidelity, but by invoices. If you ask me what is quietly killing Ghanaian marriages today, I will tell you without blinking: it is not that love has died; it is that money honesty never lived.
We prepare for the wedding. We do not prepare for the wallet.
What is money honesty?
Let me define it simply. Money honesty is not that you both earn the same. It is that you both know the same. It is the ability to sit down and say without fear:
“This is how much I earn.”
“This is how much I owe.”
“This is how I was raised to see money.”
“This is what scares me about money.”
Financial transparency is not about control. It is about clarity. You cannot build trust on top of secrets.
Many couples tell me, “Counselor, we love each other, love will handle money.” I always answer, “Love is the car, but money honesty is the fuel. Love without honesty cannot move.”
Why do Ghanaian partners hide money?
From my clinical observation, it is not always wickedness. It is often woundedness.
1. The fear of losing power: Especially for men, money is seen as power. “If she knows how much I have, she will control me or disrespect me.” So he hides.
2. Family entanglement: “If my wife knows I give my mother GH¢1,500 every month, there will be trouble.” So he creates a second MoMo account. Many Ghanaian marriages have three accounts—his, hers, and the secret family one.
3. Past trauma: A woman who grew up in a home where her mother begged for chop money will never be honest about her savings. She is not greedy. She is scared. She is saving for her survival.
4. Debt shame: In Ghana today, with easy access to Qwikloan, Fido, and bank salary loans, many young men and women enter marriage already drowning in debt. They hide it because they feel, “If I tell him/her, they won’t marry me.”
So the hiding begins. And that is where the insurance lapses.
The 3 Devastating Prices You Pay For Financial Secrecy
Research from Kansas State University found that arguments about money are the number one predictor of divorce, more than arguments about children, in-laws, or sex. Why? Because money arguments are never about money. They are about trust, respect, and security.
Price 1: It destroys trust faster than infidelity.
When you discover your spouse has a secret child, you are hurt. When you discover your spouse has a secret debt that loan officers are now chasing YOU for, you feel betrayed and foolish. Clients tell me, “Counselor, I can forgive cheating, but I cannot forgive that he made me look like a fool at the bank.”
Price 2: It creates chronic anxiety in your home.
A home where money is a mystery is a home where no one sleeps well. The wife is always checking his phone not for other women, but for loan alerts. The husband is always anxious when his wife says, “Can we talk?” You cannot have intimacy where there is financial anxiety.
Price 3: It teaches your children to lie.
Children are watching. When daddy says, “Tell anyone who calls that I am not around because of money,” you are teaching your son that lying about money is normal. We are raising a generation of financially dishonest partners.
