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Beyond hangover: How alcoholism affects mental health, children, marriage –Part 2

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Alcohol Addiction And Family Problems Concept. Drunk man sitting on sofa with glass of whiskey while his wife angry with him

Marriage is meant to be a place of rest. A place where two people face the world together, not where one person battles the world alone while the other battles a bottle.

As a marriage counsellor and mental health professional in Accra, I have sat with wives who say, “The man I married disappears every evening,” and husbands who whisper, “I don’t know who I am living with anymore.”

They are not just describing drinking. They are describing alcoholism-and its slow, painful erosion of mental health, trust, and family life.

Let us be clear: Alcohol use is not the same as alcoholism. Many Ghanaians drink socially at funerals, weddings, and weekends without harm. Alcoholism, also called Alcohol Use Disorder, is when drinking becomes compulsive, despite consequences to health, job, and relationships.

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The World Health Organisation (WHO) estimates that alcohol contributes to over three million deaths yearly worldwide, and in Ghana, alcohol-related harm is a growing public health concern.

The hangover fades by morning. The damage to marriage and children does not. This article is a continuation from last week’s edition and is for every spouse, parent, and child living “beyond the hangover.”

C. How alcoholism destroys the marriage itself

Alcohol does not just hurt individuals. It attacks the 3 pillars of marriage:

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1. Trust dies: Broken promises become normal. Money disappears. “I was at work” becomes a lie. Over time, trust erodes and suspicion replaces intimacy.

2. Communication collapses: Sober conversations are impossible when one partner is drunk. Important issues — money, parenting, sex — are either avoided or become fights. The marriage becomes silent or hostile.

3. Intimacy fades: Emotional intimacy dies when one partner is unreliable. Physical intimacy suffers because alcohol reduces libido, causes erectile dysfunction, and creates shame. Many couples become “roommates with resentment.”

4. Financial strain: Beer, spirits, hospital bills, and job loss drain the family budget. Children go without school fees while money is spent on alcohol. This creates a second layer of conflict and hopelessness.

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Marriage counsellors call this “the disease of more.” More drinking, more lies, more damage — until someone says “enough.”

What can you do if alcoholism has invaded your marriage?

This is not about shame. Alcoholism is a medical and psychological condition, not so much a moral failure. Healing is possible, but it requires truth, boundaries, and support.

1. Stop enabling, start supporting recovery 

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Enabling is covering up: paying debts, lying to family, cleaning up messes. Support is different: “I love you, but I will not live with active addiction. I will support you in getting treatment.”

2. Set clear, non-negotiable boundaries 

Example: “I will not argue with you when you’re drunk. I will leave the room. I will not give you money for alcohol. Our children will not be exposed to drunken behavior.” Boundaries protect your mental health and your children.

3. Get professional help from CPAC — for both of you 

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The alcoholic spouse needs medical detox, counselling, and support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous. The sober spouse needs individual therapy to heal from trauma, anxiety, and codependency. Couples therapy only works when the alcoholic is committed to sobriety.

4. Protect the children 

Children need one stable, emotionally healthy adult. Be that adult. Get them counselling if needed. Teach them that “Daddy/Mummy’s drinking is not your fault.” Break the cycle of secrecy by giving them safe adults to talk to.

5. Know when to seek safety

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If drinking leads to violence, threats, or driving under influence with children, safety comes first. Contact police, social welfare, or a trusted family member. In Ghana, the Domestic Violence and Victim Support Unit – DOVVSU can help. No marriage is worth your life.

6. Hope is real, but it requires action 

I have seen marriages recover when both partners do the work. Sobriety + therapy + accountability = healing. I have also seen spouses find peace through separation when addiction refused treatment. Both choices can be acts of love — love for yourself and your children.

A final word to the spouse reading this

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Beyond the hangover is pain. But beyond the pain, there is a path to healing. You did not cause your partner’s alcoholism. You cannot control it. You cannot cure it. But you can choose how you respond.

You deserve a home with peace, not panic. Your children deserve a childhood with memories, not trauma. Your mental health is not a small thing — it is the foundation of your life.

If this article touches your story, please do not suffer in silence. Speak to a counsellor (Counselor Prince & Associates Consult — CPAC), doctor, pastor, or trusted friend today. Naming the problem is the first step toward freedom.

Marriage was designed to be a place of healing, not hurting. And healing is still possible.

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Source: 

Counselor Prince Offei, founder of CPAC, is a leading Mental Health Professional, Marriage Counsellor, Published Author, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, and Spectator Newspaper Columnist. He writes weekly on relationships, marriage, parenting, special needs support, and their connection to mental health and psychological well-being.

For therapy, counselling, mediation, or enquiries, contact Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) in Accra on 0559850604 or 0551428486. 

Website: https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/website

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…Tips on healthy eating for children during holidays

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 During the holidays, it is important for children to enjoy it and indulge in holiday treats while maintaining healthy eating habits and making balanced choices.

Setting children up for healthy eating during the holidays is an excellent way to begin building their holiday eating habits as they grow into adults.

Here are some tips to help parents and guardians ensure healthy eating habits for children during the holidays.

  1. Be a role model.

Parents and caregivers play an essential role in influencing children’s eating habits. Offer children the same balanced meal you cook for yourself and other adults. Avoid making negative comments about food or the meal and keep mealtimes.

Keep to a consistent schedule.

A routine schedule can help minimise grazing and boredom eating. Try to offer three balanced meals and set snack times. Do not offer an alternative to the meal you plan to make for the family. But if your child does not like what is provided, don’t force them to eat if they are uninterested. Let them know that if they are hungry later, they can eat what was offered.

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Involve your children in meal prep.

Focus on balanced meals that include vegetables, lean proteins and complex carbohydrates.

Make healthy swaps.

Consider making healthy swaps, such as using whole wheat flour, offering whole fruits, reducing the sugar in baked goods, and limiting added sugars, especially from sugar-sweetened beverages like hot chocolate and eggnog. Consider making your beverages at home to reduce and control the amount of added sugar.

Encourage active play.

Make the holidays a time to engage in family activities. Take family hikes, spend a day at the beach or the bay, or enjoy a stroll in the neighborhood or a local park. These activities can help improve appetite and relieve boredom.

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Till death do us part? The changing face of marriage, divorce in Ghana

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Marriage has long been celebrated as a lifelong union built on love, commitment and mutual support. Across Ghana, wedding ceremonies continue to bring families together with the hope that couples will remain together “till death do us part.” Yet, behind the colourful ceremonies and joyful celebrations, an increasing number of marriages are ending in separation and divorce, reflecting the changing realities of modern family life.

According to the 2021 Population and Housing Census, about 42.9 per cent of Ghanaians aged 12 years and above are married, while 4.8 per cent are divorced and 3.5 per cent are separated, indicating that marital dissolution affects thousands of families across the country.

These figures suggest that although marriage remains a cherished institution, divorce has become a growing social reality.

For Ama, a 38-year-old businesswoman in Accra, divorce was never part of her plans. “We loved each other deeply when we got married,” she recalled. “But after years of constant arguments, financial pressure and poor communication, we realised we were hurting each other more than helping each other.” After ten years of marriage and two children, Ama and her husband decided to divorce. Her experience mirrors that of many Ghanaian couples who begin their marriages with hope but later struggle to overcome life’s pressures.

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Marriage counsellor, Mr Patrick J. Tengey explained that poor communication remains one of the leading causes of marital breakdown. “When couples stop talking and listening to each other, unresolved disagreements gradually become resentment,” he said. He added that financial difficulties, unemployment, infidelity, domestic violence, substance abuse and unrealistic expectations continue to place enormous strain on marriages.

His observations are supported by research conducted by psychologists Joseph Osafo, Kwaku Oppong Asante, Charlotte Asantewaa Ampomah and Annabella Osei-Tutu of the University of Ghana. Their study, which analysed divorce cases from courts in the Greater Accra Region, identified infidelity, financial problems, abuse, lack of intimacy, third-party interference and conflicts over gender roles as the major factors contributing to divorce in Ghana.

Marriage counsellor, Grace Mensah, believes many broken marriages could have been saved if couples sought professional help earlier. “Communication, trust and conflict resolution are skills that must be learned,” she said. “Unfortunately, many couples only seek counselling after the relationship has already reached a crisis.” The emotional and financial consequences of divorce often extend beyond the couple themselves.

Mrs Ofosu, a resident at Bohye, explained that children frequently experience anxiety, emotional distress and academic difficulties following their parents’ separation. “Children deserve stability,” she said.

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“Even when divorce becomes necessary, parents must continue working together for their children’s welfare.”

Family lawyer, Evans Nii, noted that many divorce cases involve disputes over child custody, maintenance and property distribution.

He explained that under Ghana’s Matrimonial Causes Act, 1971 (Act 367), the court may grant a divorce only when it is satisfied that the marriage has broken down beyond reconciliation.

The law also considers issues such as adultery, unreasonable behaviour, desertion and prolonged separation when determining whether a marriage has irretrievably broken down.

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He further explained that Article 22 of the 1992 Constitution protects the property rights of spouses during and after marriage, while the Children’s Act, 1998 (Act 560) requires that the best interests of the child remain the court’s primary consideration in custody decisions.

Religious leaders continue to encourage forgiveness, patience and reconciliation where possible. However, many acknowledge that marriages characterised by persistent domestic violence or abuse require immediate intervention to protect victims.

 Experts believe strengthening marriages requires both personal commitment and institutional support.

Premarital counselling, relationship education, financial planning and accessible counselling services, they say, can help couples navigate the challenges of married life before problems become overwhelming.

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French-American journalist, Mignon McLaughlin, once observed that, “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” Philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche similarly argued that “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” Their words continue to resonate with many relationship experts who believe lasting marriages depend on continuous effort rather than romantic feelings alone.

As Ghanaian society evolves, so too do expectations surrounding marriage. While divorce may sometimes provide safety and a fresh beginning for those trapped in abusive or unhealthy relationships, many experts believe stronger communication, mutual respect and timely counselling can help preserve marriages that might otherwise end in separation.

Ultimately, the promise of “till death do us part” remains a cherished ideal. Whether that promise becomes reality may depend not only on love, but also on patience, understanding, shared responsibility and the willingness of couples to grow together through life’s changing seasons.

By Sandra Obeng

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