Relationship
Beyond hangover: How alcoholism affects mental health, children, marriage –Part 2
Marriage is meant to be a place of rest. A place where two people face the world together, not where one person battles the world alone while the other battles a bottle.
As a marriage counsellor and mental health professional in Accra, I have sat with wives who say, “The man I married disappears every evening,” and husbands who whisper, “I don’t know who I am living with anymore.”
They are not just describing drinking. They are describing alcoholism-and its slow, painful erosion of mental health, trust, and family life.
Let us be clear: Alcohol use is not the same as alcoholism. Many Ghanaians drink socially at funerals, weddings, and weekends without harm. Alcoholism, also called Alcohol Use Disorder, is when drinking becomes compulsive, despite consequences to health, job, and relationships.
The World Health Organisation (WHO) estimates that alcohol contributes to over three million deaths yearly worldwide, and in Ghana, alcohol-related harm is a growing public health concern.
The hangover fades by morning. The damage to marriage and children does not. This article is a continuation from last week’s edition and is for every spouse, parent, and child living “beyond the hangover.”
C. How alcoholism destroys the marriage itself
Alcohol does not just hurt individuals. It attacks the 3 pillars of marriage:
1. Trust dies: Broken promises become normal. Money disappears. “I was at work” becomes a lie. Over time, trust erodes and suspicion replaces intimacy.
2. Communication collapses: Sober conversations are impossible when one partner is drunk. Important issues — money, parenting, sex — are either avoided or become fights. The marriage becomes silent or hostile.
3. Intimacy fades: Emotional intimacy dies when one partner is unreliable. Physical intimacy suffers because alcohol reduces libido, causes erectile dysfunction, and creates shame. Many couples become “roommates with resentment.”
4. Financial strain: Beer, spirits, hospital bills, and job loss drain the family budget. Children go without school fees while money is spent on alcohol. This creates a second layer of conflict and hopelessness.
Marriage counsellors call this “the disease of more.” More drinking, more lies, more damage — until someone says “enough.”
What can you do if alcoholism has invaded your marriage?
This is not about shame. Alcoholism is a medical and psychological condition, not so much a moral failure. Healing is possible, but it requires truth, boundaries, and support.
1. Stop enabling, start supporting recovery
Enabling is covering up: paying debts, lying to family, cleaning up messes. Support is different: “I love you, but I will not live with active addiction. I will support you in getting treatment.”
2. Set clear, non-negotiable boundaries
Example: “I will not argue with you when you’re drunk. I will leave the room. I will not give you money for alcohol. Our children will not be exposed to drunken behavior.” Boundaries protect your mental health and your children.
3. Get professional help from CPAC — for both of you
The alcoholic spouse needs medical detox, counselling, and support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous. The sober spouse needs individual therapy to heal from trauma, anxiety, and codependency. Couples therapy only works when the alcoholic is committed to sobriety.
4. Protect the children
Children need one stable, emotionally healthy adult. Be that adult. Get them counselling if needed. Teach them that “Daddy/Mummy’s drinking is not your fault.” Break the cycle of secrecy by giving them safe adults to talk to.
5. Know when to seek safety
If drinking leads to violence, threats, or driving under influence with children, safety comes first. Contact police, social welfare, or a trusted family member. In Ghana, the Domestic Violence and Victim Support Unit – DOVVSU can help. No marriage is worth your life.
6. Hope is real, but it requires action
I have seen marriages recover when both partners do the work. Sobriety + therapy + accountability = healing. I have also seen spouses find peace through separation when addiction refused treatment. Both choices can be acts of love — love for yourself and your children.
A final word to the spouse reading this
Beyond the hangover is pain. But beyond the pain, there is a path to healing. You did not cause your partner’s alcoholism. You cannot control it. You cannot cure it. But you can choose how you respond.
You deserve a home with peace, not panic. Your children deserve a childhood with memories, not trauma. Your mental health is not a small thing — it is the foundation of your life.
If this article touches your story, please do not suffer in silence. Speak to a counsellor (Counselor Prince & Associates Consult — CPAC), doctor, pastor, or trusted friend today. Naming the problem is the first step toward freedom.
Marriage was designed to be a place of healing, not hurting. And healing is still possible.
Source:
Counselor Prince Offei, founder of CPAC, is a leading Mental Health Professional, Marriage Counsellor, Published Author, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, and Spectator Newspaper Columnist. He writes weekly on relationships, marriage, parenting, special needs support, and their connection to mental health and psychological well-being.
For therapy, counselling, mediation, or enquiries, contact Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) in Accra on 0559850604 or 0551428486.
Website: https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/website
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
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SHE did not find out he was cheating. She found out he was drowning.
It was two weeks after their beautiful wedding. The jollof was still in the fridge. A loan officer called her number—not his—and politely asked, “Madam, please tell your husband to pay his overdue loan. We have been calling him.”
That was how she discovered her new husband had entered their marriage with a hidden debt of over GH¢40,000. No cheating. No other woman. Just a financial secret.
And that is how many Ghanaian marriages begin to die. Not with a shout, but with a secret alert on a phone.
In my therapy/counselling office in Accra, week after week, I sit with couples whose marriages are not broken by infidelity, but by invoices. If you ask me what is quietly killing Ghanaian marriages today, I will tell you without blinking: it is not that love has died; it is that money honesty never lived.
We prepare for the wedding. We do not prepare for the wallet.
What is money honesty?
Let me define it simply. Money honesty is not that you both earn the same. It is that you both know the same. It is the ability to sit down and say without fear:
“This is how much I earn.”
“This is how much I owe.”
“This is how I was raised to see money.”
“This is what scares me about money.”
Financial transparency is not about control. It is about clarity. You cannot build trust on top of secrets.
Many couples tell me, “Counselor, we love each other, love will handle money.” I always answer, “Love is the car, but money honesty is the fuel. Love without honesty cannot move.”
Why do Ghanaian partners hide money?
From my clinical observation, it is not always wickedness. It is often woundedness.
1. The fear of losing power: Especially for men, money is seen as power. “If she knows how much I have, she will control me or disrespect me.” So he hides.
2. Family entanglement: “If my wife knows I give my mother GH¢1,500 every month, there will be trouble.” So he creates a second MoMo account. Many Ghanaian marriages have three accounts—his, hers, and the secret family one.
3. Past trauma: A woman who grew up in a home where her mother begged for chop money will never be honest about her savings. She is not greedy. She is scared. She is saving for her survival.
4. Debt shame: In Ghana today, with easy access to Qwikloan, Fido, and bank salary loans, many young men and women enter marriage already drowning in debt. They hide it because they feel, “If I tell him/her, they won’t marry me.”
So the hiding begins. And that is where the insurance lapses.
The 3 Devastating Prices You Pay For Financial Secrecy
Research from Kansas State University found that arguments about money are the number one predictor of divorce, more than arguments about children, in-laws, or sex. Why? Because money arguments are never about money. They are about trust, respect, and security.
Price 1: It destroys trust faster than infidelity.
When you discover your spouse has a secret child, you are hurt. When you discover your spouse has a secret debt that loan officers are now chasing YOU for, you feel betrayed and foolish. Clients tell me, “Counselor, I can forgive cheating, but I cannot forgive that he made me look like a fool at the bank.”
Price 2: It creates chronic anxiety in your home.
A home where money is a mystery is a home where no one sleeps well. The wife is always checking his phone not for other women, but for loan alerts. The husband is always anxious when his wife says, “Can we talk?” You cannot have intimacy where there is financial anxiety.
Price 3: It teaches your children to lie.
Children are watching. When daddy says, “Tell anyone who calls that I am not around because of money,” you are teaching your son that lying about money is normal. We are raising a generation of financially dishonest partners.
