Relationship
Beyond hangover: How alcoholism affects mental health, children, marriage –Part 1
Marriage is meant to be a place of rest. A place where two people face the world together, not where one person battles the world alone while the other battles a bottle.
As a marriage counsellor and mental health professional in Accra, I have sat with wives who say, “The man I married disappears every evening,” and husbands who whisper, “I don’t know who I am living with anymore.”
They are not just describing drinking. They are describing alcoholism-and its slow, painful erosion of mental health, trust, and family life.
Let us be clear: Alcohol use is not the same as alcoholism. Many Ghanaians drink socially at funerals, weddings, and weekends without harm. Alcoholism, also called Alcohol Use Disorder, is when drinking becomes compulsive, despite consequences to health, job, and relationships.
The World Health Organisation (WHO) estimates that alcohol contributes to over three million deaths yearly worldwide, and in Ghana, alcohol-related harm is a growing public health concern.
The hangover fades by morning. The damage to marriage and children does not. This article is for every spouse, parent, and child living “beyond the hangover.”
A. How alcoholism affects the mental health of the sober spouse
What it looks like at home: You never know which version of your partner will come through the door. Sober, loving, and apologetic one night. Angry, absent, or abusive the next.
The psychological impact:
1.Chronic anxiety: You live in a state of “walking on eggshells.” Your nervous system never relaxes because you do not know if tonight will bring peace or chaos.
2. Depression and hopelessness: Years of broken promises, “this is the last time,” create emotional exhaustion. You grieve the spouse you married while they are still alive.
3. Codependency: You start managing their life -calling their boss, hiding bottles, lying to family. Your identity becomes “the fixer,” not a wife or husband.
4. Loss of self-worth: Constant criticism, neglect, or blame makes you question, “Am I not enough to make them stop?”
Research from the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism shows that spouses of people with alcohol use disorder have significantly higher rates of anxiety, depression, and stress-related illnesses than the general population.
B. How alcoholism affects children: The invisible victims
Children do not drink, but they drown in the effects. I call them “the forgotten casualties of the bottle.”
7 ways children are wounded:
1. Emotional neglect: An alcoholic parent is physically present but emotionally absent. Children learn that their needs come second to alcohol.
2. Fear and insecurity: Fights, shouting, broken furniture, or police visits create a home that feels unsafe. The child’s brain stays in “survival mode.”
3. Role reversal: The oldest child becomes “the little parent” -cooking, calming siblings, lying for the parent. Childhood is lost.
4. Academic decline: Concentration, memory, and school performance drop because home is chaotic, not a place for homework and rest.
5. Shame and secrecy: “Don’t tell anyone daddy was drunk.” Children carry the family secret and feel isolated from friends.
6. Risk of addiction: Children of alcoholics are four times more likely to develop alcohol problems themselves. They learn coping through substances, not words.
7. Attachment wounds: They struggle to trust, form healthy relationships, or believe they deserve love as adults.
A child’s brain is still developing. Living with an alcoholic parent is a form of chronic childhood stress that affects emotional regulation for life.
Source:
Counsellor Prince Offei, founder of CPAC, is a leading Mental Health Professional, Marriage Counsellor, Published Author, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, and Spectator Newspaper Columnist. He writes weekly on relationships, marriage, parenting, special needs support, and their connection to mental health and psychological well-being.
For therapy, counselling, mediation, or enquiries, contact Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) in Accra on 0559850604 or 0551428486.
Website: https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/website
Parenting teens can be challenging. But it can also be a joy. The key is to know how to care for yourself, first and foremost. Before you have children, you might think that parenting will come naturally. And, to some degree, it does. But there are days (and sometimes months and years) when all parents could use some extra support.
Last week we looked at some four simple yet powerful approaches for parenting teens that build strong relationships for the long-run. Here are the remaining two:
4: Keep communication going
Because we are often busy and distracted, we do not always take the time to really focus on our kids when they’re trying to tell us something. Take advantage of the time you have together. Having dinner together as a family, using car time to talk, or chatting before bed are good ways to stay in daily touch with your teen. Prioritise quality time as well as quantity: Consider having breakfast out on the weekend as a special catch-up time to chat about the week. Or schedule monthly “family meetings” to discuss how things have been going and any conflicts that have arisen.
5. Be an empathetic listener
Listening with empathy and caring is one of the most important tips on parenting a teenager. Researchers have shown that people’s brain patterns synchronise when they listen closely to one another and watch each other’s expressions. As a result, the connection between them becomes stronger. Not feeling truly heard can lead to isolation and lack of self-esteem which are the root causes of anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. Therefore, take listening seriously. It’s not just a way of coping with teenagers; it has an enormous impact on their well-being.
The price of ‘I do’: Why money honesty is the real marriage insurance –Part 2
She did not find out he was cheating. She found out he was drowning.
It was two weeks after their beautiful wedding. The jollof was still in the fridge. A loan officer called her number-not his-and politely asked, “Madam, please tell your husband to pay his overdue loan. We have been calling him.”
That was how she discovered her new husband had entered their marriage with a hidden debt of over GH¢ 40,000. No cheating. No other woman. Just a financial secret.
And that is how many Ghanaian marriages begin to die. Not with a shout, but with a secret alert on a phone.
We prepare for the wedding. We do not prepare for the wallet.
What is money honesty?
Let me define it simply. Money honesty is not that you both earn the same. It is that you both know the same. It is the ability to sit down and say without fear:
“This is how much I earn.”
“This is how much I owe.”
“This is how I was raised to see money.”
“This is what scares me about money.”
Financial transparency is not about control. It is about clarity. You cannot build trust on top of secrets.
Many couples tell me, “Counsellor, we love each other, love will handle money.” I always answer, “Love is the car, but money honesty is the fuel. Love without honesty cannot move.”
How To Buy Your Marriage Insurance Today – My 5-Step Protocol
If you are engaged, newly married, or even 20 years in marriage, you can still fix this. At Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult—CPAC, this is what I give couples:
Step 1: The 90-Minute Money Naked Session.
No phones, no blame. Each partner writes down on paper: Monthly income, monthly debts, monthly family obligations, savings, and your biggest money fear. Then you exchange papers. Read it. Don’t react for 24 hours. Just absorb.
Step 2: Create OUR Money, YOUR Money, My Money.
You need three pots. OUR money for rent, food, school fees, utilities, properties, and the like— joint contribution. YOUR money and MY money—a small agreed allowance no one questions. This stops the feeling of being controlled.
Step 3: The No-Secret Debt Rule.
Agree from today: No new loan, no new hire purchase, no new family financial commitment above GHS 500 without telling each other first. Not permission, but information.
Step 4: Talk About Your Money Personality.
Are you a Spender or a Saver? Are you Risky or Safe? Most Ghanaian marriages are a Spender married to a Saver. Neither is wrong. But if you don’t understand your partner’s personality, you will call his saving “stinginess” and her spending “wastefulness.”
Step 5: Do a Monthly 30-Minute Money Date
Not an argument date. Light, with tea. “How did we do this month? What worried you? What should we plan for next month?” Couples who do this divorce far less.
My Final Word
Before you say “I Do” at the altar, have pre-marital counselling and also have the money talk on the sofa.
Ask your partner:
“If I lost my job today, how long can we survive?”
“What debt are you bringing into this marriage?”
“How much do you send to your family monthly and will that continue?”
If he or she gets angry that you asked, don’t get married yet. A person who is angry about accountability will be abusive about money.
Marriage insurance is not bought at Star Assurance or Enterprise. It is bought in honest conversations when no one is watching.
The wedding costs one day. The marriage costs a lifetime. Don’t enter a lifetime contract and covenant with hidden costs.
You can still insure your marriage today.
Source:
Counselor Prince Offei, CPAC’s founder, is a leading Mental Health Professional, Marriage Counsellor, Author, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, and Spectator Newspaper Columnist. He writes on relationships, marriage, parenting, special needs support, and their connection to mental health. For therapy, counselling, or enquiries, contact Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) in Accra on 0559850604 / 0551428486.
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