Relationship
Tips to improve family relationships
There is nothing like family. The people that are related by blood and marriage are expected to be our closest allies, greatest sources of love and support.
Too often, however, interactions with family are filled with misunderstanding and resentment, bickering and badgering.
Here are some tips to help bring family members closer
Take care of your health if you hope to take care of anyone else. The more demanding of your time your family is, the more you need to fit in exercise. Perhaps you and your family can seek out ways to exercise together.
1. Listen if you expect to be heard. Lack of communication is the loudest complaint in most families. The answer to “Why won’t they listen to me?” may be simply “You’re not listening to them.”
2. Teach emotional choice. Manage your moods by letting all feelings be OK, but not all behaviours. Model behavior that respects and encourages the feelings and rights of others yet make it clear that we have a choice about what to do with what we feel.
3. Teach generosity by receiving as well as giving. Giving and receiving are parts of the same loving continuum. If we don’t give, we find it hard to receive, and if we can’t receive, we don’t really have much to give. This is why selflessness carried to extremes is of little benefits to others.
4. Take responsibility for what you communicate silently. The very young and old are especially sensitive to nonverbal cues. More than our words, tone of voice, posture (body language), and facial expressions convey our feelings. We have to listen to our tone of voice and look at ourselves in pictures and in the mirror to assess our emotional congruency. Loving words coming through clenched teeth don’t feel loving—they feel confusing.
5. Don’t try to solve problems for your loved ones. Caring for your family doesn’t mean taking charge of their problems, giving unsolicited advice, or protecting them from their own emotions. Let them know their own strengths and allow them to ask you for what they need.
6. Make a lasting impression through actions. Your values will be communicated by your actions, no matter what you say. Be an example, not a nag.
7. Acknowledge your errors to everyone, including younger family members. Saying you’re sorry when you hurt someone you love, models humility and emotional integrity. You can demonstrate that no one is perfect, but everyone can learn at any age. Apologising proves you can forgive yourself and makes it easier to forgive others.
8. Discover what each person’s unique needs are. You can’t assume that your grandmother needs the same signs of love as your three-year-old or that either one will have the same needs next year. When in doubt, ask!
9. Be generous in expressing love. Everyone in a family (especially young children) needs the emotional reassurance of loving words, gestures, and looks. Those who demand the least emotional attention may need it most.
Raising children is one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world and the one for which you might feel the least prepared.
Here are some child-rearing tips that can help you feel more fulfilled continued from last week.
3. Set limits and be consistent with your discipline
Discipline is necessary in every household. The goal of discipline is to help children choose acceptable behaviors and learn self-control. They may test the limits established for them, but they need those limits to grow into responsible adults.
Establishing house rules helps kids understand your expectations and develop self-control. Some rules might include: no TV until homework is done, and no hitting, name-calling, or hurtful teasing allowed.
A common mistake parents make is not following through with consequences. You cannot discipline children for talking back one day and ignore it the next. Being consistent teaches what you expect.
4. Make time for your kids
It is often hard for parents and kids to get together for a family meal, let alone spend quality time together. But there is probably nothing children would like more.
Get up 10 minutes earlier in the morning so you can eat breakfast with your child or leave the dishes in the sink and take a walk after dinner children who are not getting the attention they want from their parents often act out or misbehave because they are sure to be noticed that way.
5. Be a good role model
Young children learn a lot about how to act by watching their parents. The younger they are, the more cues they take from you. Before you lash out or blow your top in front of your child, think about this: Is that how you want your child to behave when angry? Be aware that you are constantly being watched by your kids. Studies have shown that children who hit usually have a role model for aggression at home.
Model the traits you wish to see in your children: respect, friendliness, honesty, kindness, tolerance. Exhibit unselfish behaviour. Do things for other people without expecting a reward. Express thanks and offer compliments. Above all, treat your kids the way you expect other people to treat you.
6. Make communication a priority
You cannot expect children to do everything simply because you, as a parent, “say so.” They want and deserve explanations as much as adults do. If we do not take time to explain, children will begin to wonder about our values and motives and whether they have any basis. Parents who reason with their kids allow them to understand and learn in a nonjudgmental way.
Friendship is a gift. Laughter with friends, weekend “vibes,” and social connections keep us human. But what happens when the club, the chop bar, the “girls’ night,” or the “boys’ hangout” becomes more important than the home you promised to build?
As a marriage counsellor, I meet couples who do not fight about money or in-laws. They fight about time. One partner says, “You’re always out.” The other says, “You’re just boring and controlling.” Behind those words is a painful truth: Excessive partying and socialising can become emotional infidelity — not with a person, but with a lifestyle.
Research from the Journal of Marriage and Family shows that couples who spend less than five hours of focused time together weekly report higher dissatisfaction, lower intimacy, and increased risk of separation. The issue is not social life. The issue is imbalance.
This article is for every husband, wife, fiancé, and fiancée who feels lonely in a marriage full of people. Beyond the vibes is a home that needs you.
7 ways excessive partying and socialising break a marriage
1. Emotional neglect becomes normal
Marriage thrives on daily connection — a 10-minute talk, shared meals, checking in after a hard day. When one partner is always out, the other learns to stop sharing. Over time, “How was your day?” feels pointless because the answer is always, “You weren’t there.”
Emotional neglect is silent, but it kills intimacy faster than shouting.
2. Trust erodes in the absence
Constant nights out, unanswered calls, “I forgot my phone,” and coming home late create suspicion. Even if there is no cheating, the marriage becomes policed by fear. The sober spouse starts checking phones, counting money, and living with anxiety. Trust grows in presence, not absence.
3. Parenting becomes one-person work
When one partner is always socialising, childcare, homework, and bedtime stories fall on one person. Resentment grows: “I’m married, but I’m parenting alone.” Children also notice which parent is absent. They learn that home is not the priority.
4. Financial strain and broken priorities
Weekly clubbing, bottles, fuel, and “contributions” drain family budgets. School fees are delayed, rent is late, but there’s always money for “vibes.” This creates a second crisis: financial conflict. The message sent is, “Friends get my best money; family gets my leftovers.”
5. Intimacy and sex life die
You cannot build romance in 10 minutes before sleep. Excessive nights out mean couples stop touching, talking deeply, and laughing together. The bedroom becomes cold. Over time, couples become roommates who share a surname but not a life.
6. “We” becomes “me”
Marriage is a team. But when decisions, weekends, and identity are centered on friends, the marriage loses its “we.” The social partner says, “My boys are planning a trip,” not “Let’s plan as a family.” The other spouse feels like an outsider in their own home.
7. Mental health declines for both partners The partner at home feels abandoned, depressed, and less valuable. The partner always out feels guilty, defensive, and addicted to external validation. Both end up emotionally exhausted. Studies show that social isolation within marriage increases depression risk for both spouses, even when one is socially overactive
