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THESE CROOKS IN CASSOCK!

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It’s been donkey’s years since I heard from you,

Araba my beloved sister. I’m told you’ve found

 a sugar daddy in the big city, and he is oozing sweet

honey down your lips making you forget all about

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 me.

Anyway, life in the village has not changed much. I am writing you this quick letter before I dash down with Uncle Fiifi to the farm to tap palm-wine. But you need to advise him, my sister. Uncle Fiifi’s penchant for intoxication seems to have reached a crescendo pitch, and the earlier we helped him nip this habit in the bud the better.

Araba, there have been a few developments in our hamlet and its immediate environs that I find necessary to share with you. I won’t be taken aback if similar developments are rearing their ugly heads in the big city, since such craziness usually begins from there.

It’s now making sense to me why Paapa, while he was alive, constantly cautioned us against associating or worshiping with any of these ‘one man’ churches mushrooming all over the place. Sister, I used to think he was making mountains out of molehills, but events that have unfolded these past weeks have clearly vindicated him.

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Araba, did you hear of one Pastor Korkorti this so-called man of God in our village who was busily shaving the pubic hairs out of the private parts of our wives and mothers? Eeii My sister I couldn’t believe it! The man would bend low every now and then, stare inquiringly at their sensitive parts, and shave the jungles with surgical precision

To rub salt in old wound, Araba, this sorry apology of a priest was speaking gibberish – what he called a spiritual language – while subjecting our women to the height of all deceptions

Sister, it was both whimsical and incredulous to see those gullible women wriggle their waists and sing praises in ecstasy as he hoodwinked them. Araba, from the way the woman wriggled their waists while being shaved, only heaven knows what they would do with those same waists as they scurried to the pastor’s office one after the other after the service

There is something very wrong with the priesthood today, Araba. Everybody is now a pastor; and the emphasis is on money, money, and more money Young people drop out of school when they find academic work quite challenging, and the quickest escape for them is to establish churches and become pastorsWhen the going gets tough, you must become a  pastor so you can take some offering It’s such a pity, Araba.

I also find it mind-boggling why nearly all of them want to be called ‘prophets’, and the next moment you would hear that they have gone to consult Kwaku Bonsam for powers to perform miracles. Araba, it is quite ludicrous looking at some of the miracles they claim to perform: giving of lotto numbers, instant cash in your mobile money wallet or polythene bag, instant pregnancy, money doubling, power to scam and defraud white people online, Do As I Say, you name them.

Sister, these acts of satanism used to be the stock-in-trade of fetish priests and Juju men in times past.

 But today, these magicians parading as pastors, have taken over the game  And our radio and television stations, taking their fair share of these pastors’ ill-gotten booty, allot gargantuan time on air to these charlatans to display their tommyrot 

Araba, I know and believe there are many good pastors out there: pastors whose preoccupation is to teach the truth of God’s word to their flocks, and also lead by example.  But sister, the bad nuts are gradually sinking the ship, and it’s time to wake up before it got too late 

I believe there must be freedom of worship and freedom of association, my sister, but we need to check constantly the activities of these charlatans and ensure that their modus operandi fall within the ambit of the law.

As much as it would be improper to infringe on their right to worship, it would also be dangerous and irresponsible on our part to turn a blind eye completely to their activities. Let’s remember, Araba, that our wives, mothers and daughters are among their congregations We cannot sit on the fence

Since ‘religion is the opium of the masses (according to Karl Marx), it is to be expected that men would always take recourse to religion to soothe their pains whenever life’s lances cut deep.

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We cannot, therefore, blame poor church folk entirely for running to these conmen to seek remedies. The activities of those churches, I reiterate, ought to be regulated

 Araba, many may have thought his move was quite harsh and draconian, but Rwandan President Paul Kagame, deserves tonnes of applause for his relentless effort in clamping down on some churches in Kigali. In that move, 700 churches and a mosque were closed down.

Araba, there was a new law the Kagame administration proposed that I find very interesting: all preachers were to have a theological degree before starting a church. I support this fully, and pray we consider and implement same here in GhanaSound  theological training before opening a church would ensure that we have preachers who know what they are about This whole craziness of pastors claiming to be angels who would soon be promoted to become Jesus Christ; this whole hogwash of preachers claiming to hold sacred meetings with holy angels by name Ayetefrim and Nimokafrim, this whole balderdash of supposed men of God instructing their congregants to drink petrol and eat grass as a form of spiritual direction, this whole tommyrot of so-called prophets of God instructing members of their congregations to perform oral sex on them in order to receive deliverance and blessing, would become a thing of the past when we require church leaders to meet modest standards

Araba, I read also from the news that in South Africa, two churches – Rabboni Ministries and End Time Disciples Ministries – posted images of their leaders feeding followers snakes and rats At that time, the man dubbed the ‘snake pastor’ by local media, Prophet Penuel Mnguni, said he was “doing God’s work and didn’t need  to explain God’s ways to people.” Such bullcrap, Araba! That man’s head ought to be examined Was he saying that it was God’s way for his followers to ingest snakes and rats?!

South Africa’s Commission for the Promotion and Protection of Cultural, Religious and Linguistic Communities (CLR), which summoned 40 churches, said their wide-ranging sessions found that ‘commercialisation is definitely there… and abuse of people belief systems.’ It’s all about money, Araba, and the ways and means to extort it from unsuspecting followers.

The situation is not any different in Kenya, where President Uhuru Kenyatta, has called for the regulation of churches. He has pointed out that the move was aimed at stamping out bogus churches and church leaders, who he described as ‘thieves’ not ‘preachers’.

Araba, it has also become the norm for certain prophets (if really they are), to make predictions about every forthcoming event, claiming to have heard accurately from God, only for those events to produce outcomes completely opposite to their predictions! I know, however, my sister, that every word coming genuinely from God, never fails! And I know, Araba, that when a so-called prophet makes a prediction which fails to materialise, he never heard from God in the first place. His prophecy was only a figment of his own imagination or preference. Listen to what the Scripture says in Deuteronomy 18:22 – when a prophet speaks in the name of the Lord, if the thing does not happen or come to pass, that is the thing which the Lord has not spoken; the prophet has spoken it presumptuously; you shall not be afraid of him.

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Araba, I do not want to talk about those I prefer to call the ‘Death Prophets’. All they see is people who would be dying soon. Nothing more, nothing less! I am ‘sick and tired of being sick and tired’, my sister. Let me leave now to tap palm-wine with Uncle Fiifi. But we’ll be careful not to pass by Pastor Korkorti’s church. We’re not ready to have anyone shave our jungles! Just too many crooks in cassock!!

 So long,

Kwaku Aidoo

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International character of Ghanaman and more

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Ghanaians can be found in every part of the world

The average modern Gold Coaster born and bred in Sikaman is an adventurous creature. Go to any part of the world and you’ll find Ghanaman diligently slugging it out either in the snow or in hot sweltering weather, earning a decent living.

Go to Guinea and see Ghanaman in the garb of a herbalist, curing the sick of various ailments. He makes the Guinean understand that not all diseases are caused by James Lucifer alias Jimmy Satan. On the contrary, most diseases are caused by kooko which can even attack the human nose and turn it upside down.

That kooko is also the cause of poverty and the internal bleeding of personal back-pocket economies. And that kooko can be cured using the chemistry underlying Sikaman herbal medicine which has been blessed by the gods of Larteh.

And before Ghanaman starts dispensing his herbal concoctions, he must attract the passing crowd with some Sıkaman-originated choreography, akin to a combination of adowa and agbadza, such that the dancer can easily dislocate a shoulder and start crying for his mother.

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When the crowd is enough to form a quorum, Ghanaman must perform magic as a side-attraction, and proceed to sell his drugs. The drugs are genuinely made from potent herbs which the Pharmacy Board of Sikaman says it has no confidence in. Believe me, Ghanaian herbalists are practising in neighbouring countries like Guinea, Cote d’Ivoire, Sierra Leone and Benin, while we are discouraging them from practising in Sikaman.

Go to Las Palmas and see Ghanaman as a fisherman. He sails on Korean-owned boats and is forced to eat garlic and raw tuna for radiant health. The garlic is also supposed to protect him against witches. But sometimes, he is not good bedfellows with some Korean crew members, and once in a while a fight breaks out.

The typical Korean is a Kung Fu expert and before displaying a golden dragon data. He must first terrify Ghanaman with a Korean dance which consists of wild arms and leg throwing. But Ghanaman is usually not daunted. Why has he been eating cancer kenkey all years without developing cancer? It mean is a superhuman capable of countering Kun fu side-kicks to the ribs.

Anyhow Ghanaman’s most potent arsenal lies in his fists. If he is a southpaw, it mean left fist is probably insured and can cause damage. When Ghanaman lands a cassava blow and it lands on a Korean chest, it has the effect of a cruise missile. If there is no ceasefire a funeral cannot be ruled out.

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Greenland

Go to Alaska and find Ghanaman there. Greenland, Iceland, Brazil, Argentina, Madagascar, everywhere and you’ll find him. He has become an international citizen and is generally lauded for his hardwork, sincerity and honesty.

However, some bad nuts are also condemned and despised.

The world and all its parts and corners are for the human race, and anyone can choose to live anywhere and earn a decent living so long as he doesn’t misconduct himself or become a social misfit and a law unto himself.

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Sıkaman for instance accepts foreigners, and we are so liberal that people just come in through our borders and we welcome them with the best palmwine in town and goat light soup. Who cares about passports and visas? Our hospitality is, as it were legendary.

So we have Liberians, Nigerians, Sierra Leoneans, Togolese, Europeans, Americans, Scandinavians and Koreans in Sikaman.  And some of them have misinterpreted our overzealous accommodation to mean “foolishness” and are misconducting themselves.

The newspapers carry stories of some unscrupulous Nigerians stealing, defrauding and collaborating with their Sikaman counterparts to rob people. You’ll find some good and law-abiding Liberians around but some other Liberians are in the business of fraud, robbery, money printing, money doubling, anything criminal.

Ghanaian hospitality can no longer be extended to such people. I do not think Ghanaians will be treated kindly either, when they misbehave anywhere in the world. Those who come from outside with the intention of bringing down their evil deeds and to practise them here professionally must be getting ready because Ghanaians are getting fed up with the menace.

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These days, you’ll find strange people following you as soon as you emerge from a bank. If you are not careful, they’ll wrestle your briefcase from you and speed away in a waiting taxi.

Someone was just saying that many foreign criminals are flocking to Ghana because in their countries, they are enable to operate either because they are being looked for by the police for offences committed or fear instant justice at the hands of mobs. Ghanaians, it is said, are humanitarian in dealing with criminals.

Well, in some African countries, a thief who is being chased runs directly to the police station in his own interest and begs the officer at the counter to lock him up. Otherwise he’ll be lynched or be burnt to death. In Ghana, it is the opposite. The thieves run far away from the cop stations.

The criminals must reform and stay peacefully in Sikaman or quit. No court case!

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This article was first published on Saturday September 5, 1998

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The architecture of existence: How we live and die

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​The human condition is defined by two absolute, biological bookends: the commencement of complex cellular animation and its ultimate, irreversible cessation.

For centuries, medicine treated life and death as strictly separate states. Today, modern pathology and molecular biology reveal a more profound truth: the mechanisms that allow us to live are the exact same mechanisms that dictate how we die.

​Understanding this relationship is no longer just a philosophical pursuit. It is a clinical necessity for managing public health in the 21st century.

Part I: How we live – The mechanics of animation

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​At its core, biological life is a continuous, high-stakes battle against entropy (the natural tendency of systems to degrade into disorder). To maintain form, consciousness, and function, the human body relies on three fundamental pillars:

1. Cellular respiration and energy production

​Every second of human life is powered by the conversion of oxygen and glucose into Adenosine Triphosphate (ATP), the universal energy currency of our cells. This process occurs within the mitochondria.

Without a constant supply of ATP, the microscopic pumps that maintain electrical gradients across our cell membranes fail, causing cellular collapse within minutes.

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2. Homeostasis: The balancing act

​To survive, the internal environment of the body must remain incredibly stable, regardless of external chaos. This balancing act, known as homeostasis, regulates:

​Blood pH: Strictly maintained between 7.35 and 7.45.

​Core Temperature: Ideally kept around 37°C (98.6°F).

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​Electrolyte Balance: Precise ratios of sodium, potassium, and calcium that allow nerves to fire and muscles to contract.

​3. The Autonomic Nervous System (ANS)

​The ANS acts as the invisible conductor of life, split into two complementary branches:

Part II: How we die – The path of cessation

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​Death is rarely a singular event; it is a progressive biological cascade. Whether caused by old age, chronic illness, or sudden trauma, the final pathways of mortality generally follow a predictable trajectory.

​1. The cellular horizon: Senescence and Apoptosis

​Every time a human cell divides, the protective caps at the ends of its chromosomes-telomeres-shorten. Eventually, telomeres become so depleted that the cell can no longer divide safely. It enters senescence (a state of permanent arrest) or triggers apoptosis (programmed cell death). This gradual, systemic loss of cellular renewal is the underlying engine of aging.

​2. The clinical cascade of somatic death

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​When the body can no longer maintain homeostasis, somatic death (the death of the organism as a whole) begins. This occurs in a distinct sequence:

1

Clinical Death

Zero to four minutes

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The heart stops pumping blood, and respiration ceases. While breathing and circulation have ended, the body’s tissues still contain residual oxygen and cellular energy reserves. At this stage, resuscitation is often still possible.

2

Brain Death (Infarction)

Four to six minutes

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Deprived of fresh oxygenated blood, the brain’s highly sensitive neurons begin to starve. Lacking ATP, the brain cells lose their electrical charge, swell, and begin to burst. Permanent, irreversible neurological damage occurs within minutes.

3

Biological Death

Hours to days

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The organs fail entirely. Without central control or blood flow, individual cells throughout the body consume their final energy reserves. Enzymes that once aided digestion begin to break down the body’s own tissues from the inside out, a process known as autolysis.

Part III: The modern collision of life and death

​In the modern era, the boundary between how we live and how we die has blurred. Historically, humanity died primarily from infectious diseases and acute trauma. Today, global mortality is dominated by non-communicable, chronic lifestyle diseases.

Modern Pathology: How we live (the cause) how we die (the result)

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Cardiovascular disease, chronic stress, poor diet, and lack of sleep keep the sympathetic nervous system hyper-activated, damaging blood vessels .Occlusion of coronary arteries leads to myocardial infarction (heart attack) or ischemic stroke.

Metabolic syndrome over nutrition and physical inactivity overwhelm cellular mitochondria, leading to systemic insulin resistance. Multi-organ failure, chronic kidney disease, and severe vascular complications.

Neurodegenerative Disorders Chronic systemic inflammation and sleep deprivation prevent the brain from clearing metabolic waste. Gradual loss of synaptic connections, leading to dementia and the eventual loss of basic autonomic functions.

Conclusion: The unified theory of health

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​Ultimately, how we live directly shapes the path of how we die. The micro-choices of daily existence-how we manage emotional stress, the quality of our rest, our communal connections, and our nutrition-either preserve the integrity of our homeostatic systems or accelerate their decline.

​True medical advancement is shifting away from merely extending the final, frail stages of biological death. Instead, the focus is turning toward optimising our living years-ensuring that the intricate, beautiful machinery of human animation runs smoothly until its natural, quiet conclusion.

By Robert Ekow Grimmond-Thompson

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