Obaa Yaa
Should l revenge on my ex- boyfriend?
Dear ObaaYaa,
Our friendship started from the Senior High School through to the university where it developed into a lovely relationship. Despite the intermittent quarrels and misunderstandings which pertains to many relationships, we stayed glued to each other and life went on well.
Per our promise to each other, we managed to abstain from sex until marriage. Though we stuck to the promise we made, it got to a time we could no longer resist the constant temptation and sex became very common for us.
Irrespective of the fact that we were sexually active, l was shocked to realise at the hospital that l was two months pregnant.
My major challenge instantly was how to disclose the news about my pregnancy to my mother. Though l knew that she would not be happy with my conduct, hell will break loose if my father hears about the silly thing l have done.
As though the mental torture was not enough, my boyfriend pleaded with me that l should abort the pregnancy because he was not prepared to cater for me and my baby.
A few days after, my mother detected that there was something wrong with me but l denied and quickly followed up to abort the pregnancy due to the insistence of my boyfriend.
Though the abortion was carried out by an expert in a hospital, l bled for almost a week and was gripped with fear. l managed to return to the hospital to see the doctor who had worked on me.
He gave me a different tablet to take which stopped my bleeding.
Unknown to me, the pregnancy had caused an irreparable damage to my womb and this rendered me permanently infertile.
This devastating news was disclosed to me when all attempts to conceive eluded me after marriage. My fear is that my husband is worried and eager to know the cause of my inability to conceive.
What should l do?
Abena, Accra.
Dear Abena,
I can guess how frustrated you must be and the fear that your husband could know details of your medical report. The only condition in marriage for which divorce is permissible is when the man for example is impotent and for that matter cannot perform his conjugal duties.
Though relatives and friends maysometimes ill-advise couples to divorce as a result of a childless marriage, ministers of the gospel willnever permit a separation on such grounds.
In your case, your husband will be angry if he gets to know that the fault is from you, and for that matter he could easily divorce you or pick another lady.
You and your husband can settle on adopting a child to appease your desire to have a child at all cost.
Alternatively, this suggestion should not come from you, but in case your husband impregnates someone outside the marriage, you can allow him to take custody of the child.
Though it is painful to recount the experience you had with your boyfriend, do not beworried too much about the past. What you ought to fight for is the stability of your marriage.
Six months after marriage, I realised my wife had cheated twice. One happened months before marriage and the other happened just two months after marriage. We dated for four years before we got married.
She had saved the name on her phone as Chairman. The conversation between them didn’t happen every day but once they talked, everything was about sex. My wife encouraged every word and even made suggestions as to where to meet.
I want to meet ‘Chairman,’ is it a good or a bad idea?
Yoofi, Takoradi.
Dear Yoofi,
What you have discovered is deeply painful, especially after investing four years of dating and entering marriage with trust, love and commitment. Betrayal in marriage is not only about the physical act, but also the emotional damage, secrecy and broken trust that come with it.
At this point, it is important not to make decisions purely out of anger or revenge. You need clarity, honest and calm conversations. Your wife must first be willing to tell the whole truth and take responsibility for her actions without excuses.
However, before deciding whether to stay or leave, ask yourself some important questions. Is she willing to cut ties completely with this man? Is she ready to rebuild trust through openness and accountability? And most importantly, do you still see a future with her despite the hurt?
Healing from infidelity takes time, patience and sometimes professional counselling. Do not suffer in silence. Speak to a trusted counsellor, pastor or matured family person who can guide both of you wisely.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am 28 years old guy who has been posted as a trained teacher in one of the rural areas in the Central Region.
I didn’t move in with my family because of the nature of my wife’s job.
About two months ago, I befriended one of the students who run errands for me. One thing led to the other and mistakenly had my way with her.
After two weeks, the girl came to tell me that she was pregnant and that I should give her money to terminate the pregnancy because if her parents get to know of it, they would cause my arrest.
This got me disturbed because I might lose [u1] my job.
Upon a second thought, I discussed this with a friend and she told me it might be a plan to extort money from me.
I personally texted her not to terminate the pregnancy but interestingly, I received a response that she has seen her monthly flow.
In fact, I became convinced about what my colleague told me. I want to end the relationship, what should I tell her and what should be my response when my wife hears of it.
Obaa Yaa, please I need an urgent advice.
David, Tema.
Dear David,
Your case is a very simple one. You are even lucky your friend who is much acquainted with the chicanery of the local girls fortunately hinted you and the girl has confirmed it all.
You better quit that relationship and avoid her because she thinks about following you home.
If you haven’t told her you are married, please tell her now.
