Obaa Yaa
Should l revenge on my ex- boyfriend?
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Dear ObaaYaa,
Our friendship started from the Senior High School through to the university where it developed into a lovely relationship. Despite the intermittent quarrels and misunderstandings which pertains to many relationships, we stayed glued to each other and life went on well.
Per our promise to each other, we managed to abstain from sex until marriage. Though we stuck to the promise we made, it got to a time we could no longer resist the constant temptation and sex became very common for us.
Irrespective of the fact that we were sexually active, l was shocked to realise at the hospital that l was two months pregnant.
My major challenge instantly was how to disclose the news about my pregnancy to my mother. Though l knew that she would not be happy with my conduct, hell will break loose if my father hears about the silly thing l have done.
As though the mental torture was not enough, my boyfriend pleaded with me that l should abort the pregnancy because he was not prepared to cater for me and my baby.
A few days after, my mother detected that there was something wrong with me but l denied and quickly followed up to abort the pregnancy due to the insistence of my boyfriend.
Though the abortion was carried out by an expert in a hospital, l bled for almost a week and was gripped with fear. l managed to return to the hospital to see the doctor who had worked on me.
He gave me a different tablet to take which stopped my bleeding.
Unknown to me, the pregnancy had caused an irreparable damage to my womb and this rendered me permanently infertile.
This devastating news was disclosed to me when all attempts to conceive eluded me after marriage. My fear is that my husband is worried and eager to know the cause of my inability to conceive.
What should l do?
Abena, Accra.
Dear Abena,
I can guess how frustrated you must be and the fear that your husband could know details of your medical report. The only condition in marriage for which divorce is permissible is when the man for example is impotent and for that matter cannot perform his conjugal duties.
Though relatives and friends maysometimes ill-advise couples to divorce as a result of a childless marriage, ministers of the gospel willnever permit a separation on such grounds.
In your case, your husband will be angry if he gets to know that the fault is from you, and for that matter he could easily divorce you or pick another lady.
You and your husband can settle on adopting a child to appease your desire to have a child at all cost.
Alternatively, this suggestion should not come from you, but in case your husband impregnates someone outside the marriage, you can allow him to take custody of the child.
Though it is painful to recount the experience you had with your boyfriend, do not beworried too much about the past. What you ought to fight for is the stability of your marriage.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
