Obaa Yaa
Should l revenge on my ex- boyfriend?
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Dear ObaaYaa,
Our friendship started from the Senior High School through to the university where it developed into a lovely relationship. Despite the intermittent quarrels and misunderstandings which pertains to many relationships, we stayed glued to each other and life went on well.
Per our promise to each other, we managed to abstain from sex until marriage. Though we stuck to the promise we made, it got to a time we could no longer resist the constant temptation and sex became very common for us.
Irrespective of the fact that we were sexually active, l was shocked to realise at the hospital that l was two months pregnant.
My major challenge instantly was how to disclose the news about my pregnancy to my mother. Though l knew that she would not be happy with my conduct, hell will break loose if my father hears about the silly thing l have done.
As though the mental torture was not enough, my boyfriend pleaded with me that l should abort the pregnancy because he was not prepared to cater for me and my baby.
A few days after, my mother detected that there was something wrong with me but l denied and quickly followed up to abort the pregnancy due to the insistence of my boyfriend.
Though the abortion was carried out by an expert in a hospital, l bled for almost a week and was gripped with fear. l managed to return to the hospital to see the doctor who had worked on me.
He gave me a different tablet to take which stopped my bleeding.
Unknown to me, the pregnancy had caused an irreparable damage to my womb and this rendered me permanently infertile.
This devastating news was disclosed to me when all attempts to conceive eluded me after marriage. My fear is that my husband is worried and eager to know the cause of my inability to conceive.
What should l do?
Abena, Accra.
Dear Abena,
I can guess how frustrated you must be and the fear that your husband could know details of your medical report. The only condition in marriage for which divorce is permissible is when the man for example is impotent and for that matter cannot perform his conjugal duties.
Though relatives and friends maysometimes ill-advise couples to divorce as a result of a childless marriage, ministers of the gospel willnever permit a separation on such grounds.
In your case, your husband will be angry if he gets to know that the fault is from you, and for that matter he could easily divorce you or pick another lady.
You and your husband can settle on adopting a child to appease your desire to have a child at all cost.
Alternatively, this suggestion should not come from you, but in case your husband impregnates someone outside the marriage, you can allow him to take custody of the child.
Though it is painful to recount the experience you had with your boyfriend, do not beworried too much about the past. What you ought to fight for is the stability of your marriage.
Obaa Yaa
My Stepfather at ‘war’ with me over my late mother’s house
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 39-year-old woman and the eldest of four children. My mother died five years ago. Before her death, she owned a house where she lived with my stepfather and my younger siblings. My stepfather had been married to my mother for more than 20 years.
After the death of mother. My stepfather has gone to court, claiming that the house belongs to him. He says he contributed money towards the construction and maintenance of the property and that my mother’s children have no right to interfere with it.
He has even accused me and my siblings of trying to take the house from him.
I am shocked because my mother was the person who acquired the land and started the building. She also told us several times that the house was meant to remain in the family.
There is no written agreement between my mother and my stepfather about who owns what, and I am worried that this case could divide the family permanently.
My younger siblings are also angry with me because they believe I should fight my stepfather until the house is given to us.
Obaa Yaa, should I fight him in court or try to settle the matter outside court?
From Frimpongmaa,
Assin Praso.
Dear Frimpongmaa,
I am sorry you are going through this. A dispute over your late mother’s home can be very painful, especially when it involves your stepfather. Do not give up on the house or sign any document simply because he has sued you. Being sued does not mean that he automatically owns the property.
Find out exactly what your stepfather is claiming, for example, whether he says the house belongs to him, that he is the beneficiary, or that you have no right to the property.
The court will determine who legally owns the property based on the applicable succession law and the evidence.
The exact answer can change considerably depending on where the house is located, whether your mother left a Will, how she acquired the house, what type of marriage she had with your stepfather, whether there are other children, and the applicable customary/statutory law.
Obaa Yaa
I can’t meet demands from my husband’s family
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a woman married for over 17 years and blessed with three children.
My father passed away two years ago and left some property to me and my two siblings.
Among the things I inherited was a piece of land and a house which I intend to keep for my children’s future.
My husband’s family are putting pressure on me to give up the property and allow my husband to take control of it. They are saying that because I am married, anything I inherit should benefit my husband and his family as well.
I have tried to explain that my father deliberately left the property to me, but they accuse me of being selfish and disrespectful to my husband’s family.
I am now confused. I love my husband, but I don’t want to lose what my father worked hard to leave behind.
What should I do?
Adzo, Ho
Dear Adzo
If the inheritance legally belongs to you, you should not feel pressured to surrender it simply to be at peace with your husband’s family.
At the same time, avoid making a rush decision based on anger or fear.
I don’t see the reason why your husband’s family wants to take control of the land.
Keep copies of relevant documents and, if necessary, seek legal advice.
Do not sign any document transferring, renouncing your interest until you fully understand its consequences.
You should also have a good conversation with your husband. Ask him why his family wants you to hand over your inheritance to them and whether he supports their position.
Remember that family pressure is not the same as a legal obligation. You can respect your husband’s relatives without surrendering something that is rightfully yours.
If you eventually decide to share part of the inheritance, let it be because you genuinely wanted to, not because you were intimidated or emotionally overstretched.
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