Obaa Yaa
Painful separation
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Dear ObaaYaa,
I met this beautiful lady at a party which was organised by a relative of mine and we fell in love.
We got well with each other and our love developed. All this while, she enquired from me if I was married or had a child and told her that her concerns were correct.
She became happy as a result of my assurance and vowed that she would not allow any lady to snatch me from her. My lady promised to give me the happiness I needed and would work hard to give me every support in our marriage.
Since we were always together in the full glare of others, people got to know of our intention to marry.
A friend who knows me has advised that i should not be in haste to marry her but be careful and study her character because she is quarrelsome and could pose problems for me when i marry her.
Though i have considered this man intruding into my love affairs, i have reluctantly decided to listen to his advice.
So I apologised to my lady that my office could not raise the funds i requested for to help me organise the wedding hence the need to postpone it until my finances had improved to which she did not complain.
Staying together for two months has brought a lot of dust from under the carpet and you will not believe that the problems are enormous. Sometimes, i want to leave the house in order to avoid quarrels and maintain my peace.
Having known the sort of person she is, it was painful for me to leave her though the love is still there.
Do you consider my decision as good?
Frank, Accra.
Dear Frank,
You must consider yourself very fortunate to get someone to advice you otherwise you would have been shocked with her true character after marriage. You must count yourself very lucky because others could not get people to advise them on the right decision to take.
Having described how lovely, resourceful and hardworking she is, it must be painful to separate on this note.
Though painful, your decision to separate is good because you will have your peace of mind.
A CEO visited his office and saw a man who was scrolling through his phone while sitting on a sofa.
The CEO asked, “What are you doing?”
The man replied, “Wasting my time until I’ll get paid.”
The CEO was furious, “What is your weekly salary!?”
Man, “$1000”
The CEO counted $2000 and gave it to the man, “Take this money and get out! You don’t work here anymore!”
The man silently took the money and left.
CEO walked up to the reception, “By the way, who was this guy?”
The receptionist said, “Pizza delivery”.
I didn’t understand why my father abandoned me as a child until he appeared recently and told me my mom placed a curse on him.
I was about thirteen or fifteen, my mom took me to the front of a big house and told me that is where I belong.
I knocked the door and the man sacked me from the house to go back to my mother.
Life with my mother was very tough until God came through for me to gain a scholarship.
Years later, I’d returned from abroad when this man walked up to me apologising.
I take care of him and provide him with everything. He needs my attention but I doubt if he will get that from me because he didn’t take care of me.
Jojo, USA.
Dear Jojo,
This is such a heart breaking story. No child deserves to grow up wondering why a parent was absent or feeling abandoned.
If your father’s explanation is true, the responsibility for leaving you still rests with him. A curse, fear, or conflict with your mother may explain his decisions, but it does not excuse abandoning his child.
Parents have a duty to love, protect, and remain present in their children’s lives, regardless of the problems between them.
Now that he has returned, it is reasonable to listen to what he has to say, but you do not have to accept everything without question. Ask him honest questions about why he stayed away for so many years, why he never tried to reach you, and what he hopes to achieve by reconnecting now. His willingness to take responsibility for his choices is more important than the explanation he gives.
At the same time, try not to carry the burden of your parents’ conflict. Whatever happened between them was their issue, not yours. You were an innocent child who deserved the love and presence of both parents.
If you choose to rebuild a relationship with your father, let it happen gradually. Trust is earned through consistent actions, not just words. If you decide not to have a close relationship with him, that is also your right. Forgiveness, if you choose it, should be for your own peace of mind, not because you are obligated to overlook the pain you experienced.
Most importantly, remember that your worth was never determined by your father’s absence. His choices reflect his decisions, not your value as a person.
The past cannot be changed, but how you respond now can help you find healing and peace.
