Obaa Yaa
New girlfriend attracts me more
Dear ObaaYaa,
We were both students in the university and though we read different courses, with time, we later became very close to each other.
The love we developed for each other grew to a stage where we could not resist our inner feelings and she became pregnant. Though embarrassed initially, I gathered courage and pleaded with her to abort the pregnancy since we were in the final year getting ready for the final examination and could not cater for a baby.
Despite her sound religious background, she did not object to my proposal and we aborted the pregnancy, though we were not happy.
Luckily, we completed successfully and l was able to secure a job after the mandatory National Service. She is yet to be employed and we have maintained the friendship till now.
Unfortunately, l am torn between her and another lady l came across in my office whose character has appealed to me and l would like to marry her instead of my former girlfriend.
What do you have to say about my decision?
Paul, Accra.
Dear Paul,
You have been in a relationship with this lady from the time you were in the university and have admitted that you went through interesting moments and took unfavourable decisions. The decision, I believe was to safeguard your interest and protect your future.
Having come this far, it will be inappropriate for you to snub this lady and marry a- new-found lover.
Abortion has rendered some women barren for life and they will continue to blame themselves for their inability to reject the decision to abort.
Should this first lady become barren, you will not know peace in your marriage and she willnot also be happy.
But if you marry her, both of you can device an alternative means of solving the problem.
Since two persons cannot be the same, try to tolerate your first lover and marry her.
My dad has threatened not to attend my wedding; instead, he has been raining curses on me.
Each morning and night, he would call and rain curses on me, telling me I was bringing shame and bad luck to my marriage because I told him, my step father will be present.
I have personally been to his house to invite him, yet he keeps telling me he can’t make it. What should I do?
Kwesi,
Suhum
Dear Kwesi,
Your dad’s curses, guilt, and threats come from his pain and fear of losing his role, but that doesn’t make his behaviour idle.
You can love him as your father and still set a firm boundary for him.
If he crosses that line, end the call or stop replying his messages. Protect your wedding and your peace by limiting contact, especially late at night and early morning, and stand by your partner.
Remember, respecting your dad doesn’t mean erasing the role your stepdad played – both can matter without problems.
Don’t let his behaviour dictate the start of your marriage. You can’t control if he comes around, but you can control not letting his anger affect your emotions.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Before we got married five years ago, my husband told me that his former wife left him shortly after he lost his job following a financial scandal which rocked the company.
But thanks be to God that the court cleared him and ordered the company to pay him for the five years he stayed at home for wrongful dismissal.
As soon as this ex-wife heard that the company had complied with the court’s orders and paid him, she shamelessly declared that she was making a comeback and has vowed to kick me out of my matrimonial home at all cost.
She promised to hire ‘machomen’ to throw my things out of the house and was prepared to bear the consequence for that action.
Even though my husband has assured me that this would never happen, her ex is bent on disturbing my peace.
What should I do?
Adzo,
Tafo.
Dear Bertha,
The lady is threatening to use violence against you. That’s constitutes a breach of the law and she must be reported to the police for issuing those threats.
However, I will advise you to discuss it with your husband so that you are not seen as acting entirely on your own.
As a matter of fact, it is only the police that can handle this matter professionally and must be involved, unless of course your husband talks to his ex-wife to stop harassing you. So have a good discussion with your husband about the matter. All the best.
