Relationship
Marriage is a covenant
Covenant marriage is a sacred and moral commitment between a man and woman
The view of marriage as covenant is that marriage is a sacred union between husband and wife before God. Covenant marriage can be defined as a lifelong commitment between the spouses among evangelical Christians (Cade, 2010).
Marriage as a covenant is a belief that marriage is a sacred and binding agreement between two people (husband and wife).
Covenant Marriage is also considered a sacred and moral commitment between two individuals (man and woman), which involves not only social and legal, but also emotional, psychological and spiritual aspects.
It is a covenant, not just a contract; because it is rooted in a mutual promise to love and care for each other in a lifelong commitment.
This understanding of marriage emphasises the spiritual, psychological and emotional dimensions of the relationship and sees it as more than just a legal or social arrangement.
The idea of marriage as a covenant has roots in religious traditions, such as Christianity and Judaism, which view marriage as a sacred bond established by God. In these traditions, the covenantal nature of marriage is seen as a reflection of God’s covenant with humanity.
However, human’s desires of pursuing life for themselves are challenging the purposes of marriage by God.
A marriage (Christian marriage) is much more than a ‘business contract’ between husband and wife. It is a lifelong, exclusive covenant between two people (a man and woman), of which God is witness. He is present at every wedding! Jesus even says that, whenever a man and woman marry, God has joined them together (see Matthew 19:6 and Mark 10:9).
Here are some Scriptures from the Bible that support the idea of Christian marriage as a sacred covenant:
• Genesis 2:24: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
This verse emphasises the unity and oneness of a husband and wife in marriage, indicating that it is more than just a legal or social contract.
• Malachi 2:14: “But you say, ‘Why does he not?’ Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.”
This verse refers to the covenant of marriage, indicating that it is a binding agreement before God.
• Matthew 19:5-6: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”
In this passage, Jesus affirms the unity and permanence of marriage, indicating that it is a divine institution established by God.
• Ephesians 5:31-32: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church.
This verse compares the relationship between a husband and wife to that of Christ and the church, indicating the spiritual significance of marriage.
The above Scriptures suggest that Christian marriage is not just a contractual arrangement, but rather a sacred covenant established by God and upheld by the couple’s commitment to each other and to God.
The concept of marriage as a covenant has a lot of merits. It recognises the depth of commitment required to make a marriage successful and encourages both spouses to take their vows seriously and work together to build a strong and lasting relationship.
Ultimately, viewing marriage as a covenant can help couples to approach their relationship with a sense of reverence, commitment, and responsibility, which can lead to a deeper and more fulfilling connection.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from ‘Preparing for a Happy and Fulfilling Marriage’ Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Psychotherapist and Marriage Therapist). https://counselorprinceass.wixsite.com/edu-counseling-psych
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website-psychologist
https://princeoffei22.wixsite. com/website
COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
Relationship
Tips to improve family relationships
There is nothing like family. The people that are related by blood and marriage are expected to be our closest allies, greatest sources of love and support.
Too often, however, interactions with family are filled with misunderstanding and resentment, bickering and badgering.
Here are some tips to help bring family members closer
Take care of your health if you hope to take care of anyone else. The more demanding of your time your family is, the more you need to fit in exercise. Perhaps you and your family can seek out ways to exercise together.
1. Listen if you expect to be heard. Lack of communication is the loudest complaint in most families. The answer to “Why won’t they listen to me?” may be simply “You’re not listening to them.”
2. Teach emotional choice. Manage your moods by letting all feelings be OK, but not all behaviours. Model behavior that respects and encourages the feelings and rights of others yet make it clear that we have a choice about what to do with what we feel.
3. Teach generosity by receiving as well as giving. Giving and receiving are parts of the same loving continuum. If we don’t give, we find it hard to receive, and if we can’t receive, we don’t really have much to give. This is why selflessness carried to extremes is of little benefits to others.
4. Take responsibility for what you communicate silently. The very young and old are especially sensitive to nonverbal cues. More than our words, tone of voice, posture (body language), and facial expressions convey our feelings. We have to listen to our tone of voice and look at ourselves in pictures and in the mirror to assess our emotional congruency. Loving words coming through clenched teeth don’t feel loving—they feel confusing.
5. Don’t try to solve problems for your loved ones. Caring for your family doesn’t mean taking charge of their problems, giving unsolicited advice, or protecting them from their own emotions. Let them know their own strengths and allow them to ask you for what they need.
6. Make a lasting impression through actions. Your values will be communicated by your actions, no matter what you say. Be an example, not a nag.
7. Acknowledge your errors to everyone, including younger family members. Saying you’re sorry when you hurt someone you love, models humility and emotional integrity. You can demonstrate that no one is perfect, but everyone can learn at any age. Apologising proves you can forgive yourself and makes it easier to forgive others.
8. Discover what each person’s unique needs are. You can’t assume that your grandmother needs the same signs of love as your three-year-old or that either one will have the same needs next year. When in doubt, ask!
9. Be generous in expressing love. Everyone in a family (especially young children) needs the emotional reassurance of loving words, gestures, and looks. Those who demand the least emotional attention may need it most.
Relationship
Building trust in relationships and marriages
Trust is the glue that holds relationships and marriages together. Without it, even the strongest bonds can crumble.
As a couple navigates the ups and downs of life, trust serves as the foundation upon which their love, commitment, and loyalty are built. But what happens when trust is broken?
How can couples work to rebuild and strengthen this essential component of their relationship?
Trust is not just a feeling; it is a choice. It is a decision to be vulnerable, to be open, and to believe in the goodness of your partner. When trust is present, relationships flourish.
Communication becomes easier, conflicts are resolved more efficiently, and intimacy deepens. Trust allows couples to feel secure, to know that they can rely on each other through life’s challenges.
Signs of trust issues
So, how do you know if trust is an issue in your relationship? Look out for these signs:
– Suspicion and jealousy
– Defensiveness and accusations
– Lack of communication or withholding information
– Dishonesty or hiding the truth
– Emotional distance or disconnection
How to build trust
Fortunately, trust can be built and rebuilt. Here are some practical steps couples can take:
1. Communicate openly: Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Be honest, transparent, and open with your partner. Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires in a respectful and empathetic manner.
2. Be reliable: Follow through on your commitments. Show your partner that you are dependable and responsible.
3. Show vulnerability: Be willing to be vulnerable with your partner. Share your fears, hopes, and dreams with them.
4. Practice forgiveness: Let go of grudges and resentments. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning hurtful behavior, but rather releasing the negative emotions associated with it.
5. Cultivate intimacy: Intimacy is not just physical; it’s also emotional. Make time for regular date nights, meaningful conversations, and affectionate gestures.
Rebuilding trust
If trust has been broken, it is essential to work on rebuilding it. This process takes time, effort, and commitment from both partners. Here are some steps to take:
1. Acknowledge the hurt: Recognise the pain caused by the breach of trust. Acknowledge your partner’s feelings and validate their experience.
2. Identify the cause: Understand the reasons behind the breach of trust. Is it a lack of communication, infidelity, or something else? Identifying the root cause can help you address the issue more effectively.
3. Work together: Rebuilding trust requires a joint effort. Work together to establish new patterns of behaviour, communicate openly, and rebuild intimacy.
4. Seek help: If needed, seek the help of a couples therapist or counselor. A professional can provide guidance and support as you work to rebuild trust. Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) can be helpful in that vein.
Building trust in a relationship or marriage takes work, commitment, and patience. It is a journey that requires effort from both partners. By communicating openly, being reliable, showing vulnerability, practicing forgiveness, and cultivating intimacy, couples can strengthen their bond and build a foundation of trust that will last a lifetime. Remember, trust is not something that can be demanded; it is something that must be earned and nurtured. With time, effort, and dedication, couples can build a strong, trusting relationship that brings joy, happiness, and fulfillment to their lives.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “COURTSHIP MATTERS: Keys to a Fulfilling Lasting Marriage” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).
