Obaa Yaa
She Went in for the Manager
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am in a relationship with a woman in her late 30s, while I am in my mid-40s. We have been together for the past five years.
My problem is that we work in the same firm and share the same office. For reasons best known to her, she left me for our Manager.
When I confronted her about her behaviour and pleaded with her to end whatever she had with him, she insisted that they were “just friends.”
I am confused and hurt. Does she have any positive plans for me at all? Also, is it normal for a woman to be overly free with any man who shows interest in her?
Finally, is it right for a woman to test a man’s love, as many ladies claim they do?
Kwesi, Tafo
Dear Kwesi,
This situation has the potential to hurt you deeply, especially if she returns only when the other option is no longer available. That kind of behaviour is troubling and emotionally unfair.
From what you describe, she crossed a line and should acknowledge her wrongdoing and apologise sincerely before you even consider moving forward. No one has the right to toy with another person’s feelings simply because they are unhappy or uncertain.
You need to sit her down and have a mature, honest conversation about the direction and seriousness of the relationship.
Most importantly, ask yourself this question: Is this the kind of woman you would want to marry and spend the rest of your life with?
Your answer should guide your next decision.
Greetings,
Obaa Yaa
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I AM really disturbed about the new meaning of the word ‘Love’ in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship (not in marriage). I feel love should not be based on sexual intercourse.
What do our men mean when they say to a woman ‘I love you’ and what is our women’s understanding of the response ‘I love you too’?
Personally, I have come to understand that most of the time when a man says he loves a woman, all he means and needs is sexual intercourse, and when a woman responds ‘I love you too,’ she also means marriage.
This small research can be confirmed by Walter Trobisch in his book entitled I Married You.
At this juncture, I would like you to use your column to find out from some of our men and women what they really mean when they say to each other ‘I love you.’
Yaa Baby, Takoradi.
Greetings
Dear Yaa Baby,
I MUST say you are quite right to say that the expression of ‘love’ is beginning to take a different meaning.
People seem to have a motive when they say ‘I love you’ to the opposite sex. It may be that they pretend to love just for sex, marriage, or money.
What this does is that the pledge ‘I love you’ leads more gullible partners to disappointment and hurt, while the deceitful partner may also, in the end, fall into their own trap.
So, with the widespread abuse of the phrase ‘I love you,’ men and women should not hasten to believe anyone who says it to them. Even after starting a relationship with their partners, they must continue to observe their actions to ensure the pledge is genuine, not just words.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
MY boyfriend asked me to spend time with him because it was Valentine’s Day, which I did. We decided not to step out. I prepared some food which we enjoyed with some of his friends and younger brother who had also come to spend the weekend with him.
Later in the night, around 11pm he had a phone call which I received and woke him up. When he saw the person’s number, he immediately cut the line and switched off the phone.
Twenty minutes later, he switched it on and the call came again. Upon picking the call, I heard him tell the person that he was in Accra and not in Takoradi. This I found strange and questioned him when he came back to the room.
He later told me it was a friend whom he was owing some money. I later managed to secretly copy the number and called it the following day. I pretended I was his niece. Obaa Yaa, the lady told me that she was happy to talk to me even though we have not seen each other, and said she was the lover of my boyfriend, much to my surprise.
My man denied the claim of the girl and said he was going to beat her up, telling lies that she was not her lover. Should I forgive this guy or not because he ruined our Val’s Day?
Eyram, Ho.
Dear Eyram,
IF your boyfriend knows he is not up to any fishy game, then he must be at peace with himself. Obviously, he is getting worked up because of the sudden exposure of his double-game plan.
At any rate, there is no need to worry about him and the other girl. They can sort it out even if it is not true she is his lover. He is only putting up a bluff.
What you have to be sure about is if you still love him and think he can be faithful to you. If he cannot be faithful as evidence is showing, then better advice yourself. AIDS is still around, and unfaithful partners are good riddance.
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