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Political Valentine

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LATELY it has become pretty difficult to distinguish between a Valentine fan and a Asante Kotoko supporter. The red colour is the veritable point of confusion.

Sikaman Palava
Sikaman Palava

Sometimes you are lucky to meet a Valentine celebrant who is also a Kotoko supporter. You can be sure that such a character will wear a red dress, red hat, red shoes and sport a red moustache. Certainly he is not a lunatic. The guy knows what he is about.

The problem with Valentine in Sikaman is that it has defied all manner of definitions. Even some people think it is a yam festival. So they procure palm oil to go with it. And why not? Isn’t palm oil red?

Others think it is a day of love, where love, properly but misguidedly defined, means sex. So they go from one drug store to another buying all sorts of condoms including Rough Rider and ‘Wo Ye Mecho’. Some go booking hotel rooms a day or two earlier. On February 14, those rooms will be turned into surgical units for the dissection of Valentine fools, those who mistake the occasion for fornication and adultery.

This year, the celebration of Valentine is taking a political turn. People say they will be demonstrating against something called Representation of People’s Amendment Bill (ROPAB). You can be sure that the demonstrators will be in pure red all over.

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The funny thing about this bill is that it is the darling idea of one political party and snake venom for another. It all has to do with Ghanaians abroad, whether they are domiciled in Libya or Morocco or languishing in Iceland or Greenland.

If passed, this bill will enable them all to vote in general elections. The New Patriotic Party (NPP) government wants it passed while the National Democratic Congress (NDC) and Convention People’s Party (CPP) do not. They claim it could spark an inferno, a conflagration (many apologies to Arnold Quainoo).

These days, we are not hearing many Big English that are political in form and content. In the days of Jerry Rawlings, the English Language was much vibrant, spoke with revolutionary zeal, sometimes with military enthusiasm.

And when the famous historian and ex-presidential aspirant, Professor Adu Boahen, delivered his famous “Men on Horse Back” lecture, General Arnold Quainoo quickly delivered a rejoinder on the spot, promising an ‘inferno and conflagration’ if anybody wanted to change the status quo. He spoke in a voice of thunder, which some nearly mistook for an earthquake. Today, democracy has watered down the use of political bombast and militant grandiloquence to convey thought and intention.

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Now ROPAB has taken centre stage and time and energy are expended on debating the pros and cons. The opposition parties, mainly NDC and CPP, think the law may cause confusion if it is implemented. NPP, on the other hand, think it is a romantic bill that will be even more romantic if passed and implemented. What is more Valentinic than making your brothers and sisters abroad voting alongside those at home to elect the country’s leadership, especially when the constitution endorses it?

Now, the NDC is saying over and over again that they do not object to the passage of the bill, but why pass a bill whose implementation could be problematic? They claim that disputes could arise in foreign lands over the authenticity of ballots, which could bring the outcome of elections into doubt.

Well, political jargons, theories and theorems have been invented to properly argue the knotty points, and people have already developed hypertension over this bill. Some have suggested a referendum; others have insinuated the use of lots (as in the Bible) to determine the issue.

In the midst of these, a new political party is alleged to have been formed. Very interesting developments lately. The ‘Daily Guide’ says it is Democratic Freedom Party (DFP).

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Well, forming political parties is in the interest of democracy. Views in any democratic dispensation must necessarily be divergent to deepen the concept of democracy. It is exactly like in religion. The more churches split, the more Christianity is likely to spread further afield. So the split in churches must be welcomed rather than condemned, because no one church can save all mankind. The message of God must be propagated by binary fission and not by mere evangelistic diffusion.

So it is coming to pass that rumours of a third force are coming to some reality. But in all these, what amount of time and energy is expended in discussing on radio the basic needs of Ghanaians—food, clothing, and shelter? About only 10 per cent is spent on these. The rest is politics, politics, and politics. Is that the way forward?

This article was first published on
Saturday February 11, 2006

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Cry my beloved Ghana

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Someone said, if we cannot plan for an occurrence as predictable as the annual rains, then what else can we plan for as a country?  God has caused nature to schedule rains for specific periods or months within the year and everybody knows this. 

One need not be a meteorologist to tell that the rains will fall in May and June every year.  Any serious person who has something that the rains can affect, would therefore plan taking into consideration the likelihood of the rains falling.  Therefore to find out that a whole country like ours, had not planned effectively, is mind-boggling. 

The report by the World Bank that fiscal policy measures by the Finance Minister has led to no money being released for the World Bank sponsored project to deal with the perennial flooding situation in Accra, is so disappointing.  The fact that this contributed immensely to the flooding in Accra, is an understatement.

There have been fires in our markets, but who is checking the wiring on a regular basis as a system designed to prevent future outbreaks?  The occurrence of fires in our markets is something that must engage the attention of government and all the stakeholders.

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The causes may be several but if a system of proper fire prevention is in place, l believe the number of occurrences will be drastically minimised.  Electrical wiring for instance has been found to be one of the causes of market fires.  Fire as we know from the experts, can only happen if these three things are present, namely source of heat, combustible material and oxygen i.e. air. 

lf any one of these is missing, there will be no fire.  It has been realised that heat generated in wires have caused fires in the past and therefore, an effective system must be put in place to ensure that, only certain approved qualified electricians, can execute wiring jobs in our markets instead of the current situation where different electricians execute wiring with different types of wires, of different quality, dimensions etc. 

Preventive inspections schedule must also be put in place to endure compliance with uniform wiring standard, as well as adherence to expiry dates of the wires.

What baffles me is why some MCEs and DCEs are still at post while things are deteriorating in their areas of influence and yet the President or the Minister for Local Government seems to be unwilling to relieve them of their positions.  People have lost their lives, official count is about 37 lives, properties worth millions of Ghana Cedis have been destroyed, people’s livelihoods have been destroyed and they are at ground zero.

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We can go on and on and on about the devastating impact of the recent floods.  Suddenly, we have these local authority heads, all over the place, demolishing buildings after the flood.  Is this not insanity?  Where were the LUPSA Engineers who issue permits at the local assemblies? 

If they were doing their jobs, for which they are paid every month, they would have seen people constructing structures at Ramseyer sites.  They would have seen people putting up structures very close to the bank of streams or rivers and could have enforced the regulations, which could have averted the level of impact on lives and property.

One particular issue which drives me crazy is the Kasoa to Mallam Junction stretch of the N1.  The traffic jam between West Hills Mall and Weija Junction is due to the flooding of a place called Ataala.  Anytime it rains heavily, the area floods and vehicles moving from West Hills towards Weija cannot use their normal lane but are forced to switch to the inner lane of those headed towards West Hills Mall from Weija and it did not start yesterday.  I am so, so disappointed. God Bless.

By Laud Kissi-Mensah

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The palaver of daily chop money

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The romance between man and wife ends where chopmoney palaver begins. When the man is leaving for work and the woman’s face looks like a rainy day, anyone can guess that the chop money delivered is quite below sea level.

But when she smiles too broadly for comfort and waves her husband goodbye zealously, it means the man did not only perform well under the cover of darkness but also dished out the correct amount of chop money.

The typical matrimonial home is a complex one. Many factors contribute to fuelling or preventing occasional civil wars. When Pyram became a household word, some husbands and wives put heads together, went borrowing, sold their belongings and invested in the sham scheme.

When Pyram collapsed, many marriages got shattered beyond repair. Wives blamed their husbands and husbands complained about nagging wives. In a few instances, punches were traded. Crises could not be managed as debts soared and creditors wanted back their money.

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Chop money grew slim. Only Mr Kofi Annan could negotiate a truce between warring partners as daggers were drawn. The Pyram palaver brought more woes to Sikaman than the joy it was supposed to bring.

Many women have died from distress and frustration. All their resources which were joyfully invested in the scheme cannot be retrieved.

“Today, the Government says it cannot use taxpayers’ money to pay those who lost various sums of money to the two money-doubling banks Pyram and Resource 5000 Ltd. “We told you not to take your monies there and you didn’t listen. Paddle your own canoe, or canoe your own paddle,’ says the Sikaman government.”

The chop money palaver in Sikaman is getting heady. People are citing chop money problems for their offences. The newspapers report of a man who allegedly injected his three-week-old daughter with DDT because the wife was disturbing him with chop money matters too much. He is being tried by the courts.

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Some women claim they abandoned their babies because their fathers refused to offer chop money. So when they dump the babies in the latrine, they are relieved of any burden. Looks like maternal instincts are withering out of mothers. These are indeed times when mothers no longer love their children because of chop money palaver.

Stomach capacity

The amount of chop money a father gives out each day, week or month depends on the family size and the stomach capacity of each family stomach. Members of some families are very light eaters and little is spent on food. But for other families where some members have ‘double chambers’ the food budget requires additional funds.

Indeed, in some families, members have natural appetite for food whether or not they take peters (bitters). And when food isn’t enough, there can be an uprising against constituted domestic authority, the family equivalent of the Guinea Bissau rebellion.

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Yes, where one person can eat four balls of kenkey and cry for more, but is given only two balls, he can get angry and start breaking louvres.

The chop money size also depends on the level of nutrition typical of each family. Some families believe in the third world theory that QUANTITY is better than QUALITY. The bigger the banku and the smaller the fish, all the better for Ghanaians. Yes quantity, not quality. Such families stock maize in bags.

Those who believe in quality spend much on vegetables, meat and fish and therefore spend more, but it is worth it because they are healthier and stronger. They also spend on fruits and are averse to the “quantity supremacy” theory.

The problem with chop money issues is that when the correct amount is not flowing, the women think the men are misapplying their salaries in overt pleasures. They accuse their husbands of drinking too much bitters and burukutu, and they can prove the accusation using a formula. They only have to smell the breath of their partners. The fuse can be great!

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One woman told her neighbour when her husband comes back home drunk, he behaves like a walking distillery, swaggering like a drunken sailor. You’d think he has been baptised with raw akpeteshie or immersed in the stuff. Her only compliment was that in spite of his alcoholic status, the guy could perform. That is Viagra or no Viagra.

Women also accuse men of chasing other women in the same manner as a he-goat does. Half their salaries cannot be accounted for as a result, they claim. So when the chop money isn’t at least at sea-level, they must protest either noisily or stage a sit-down strike.

Domestic sit-down strikes by wives can cause problems. When a man takes full quarter and is expecting a wonderful dinner with soup and its accompaniments and comes to meet an empty table and a brooding woman, he can go berserk. The clash can be worse than a plane crash.

As it were, it all requires patience to make a marriage last, chop money or not.

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This article was first published on Saturday, July 11, 1998

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