Relationship
Secrets for lasting relationship
It is believed that after seven years of a marriage, the happiness starts wavering. If you get through this, it’s most probably going to last. Seven years is a considerable amount of time. A lot can change during these times. You might have gone through a lot. You would’ve had numerous fall outs, major life style changes, differences with not only each other but the respective families as well and what not. There might have been good times as well as bad times. And to live through these, you could hopefully benefit from the following things:
See the humour in things
Everybody appreciates a good sense of humour. Don’t ever let anything get too serious. Learn to laugh at yourself. Try keeping things on the lighter side. You can always save a situation with a good laugh. However, be careful with your timing or you might end up worsening things.
Discover how you express love
This is different for everyone as well. We all have our own way of professing our love. Since it’s different for everyone, people often remain in doubt as to whether their partner feels the same way or not. You need to recognise and learn their patterns. Once you do so, you’ll see that even though your ways are different, the love is present.
Don’t suffocate each other
You can be in a relationship and be yourselves at the same time. And for that, you both need time for yourselves. You don’t need to be together all the time or do everything together. Respect and acknowledge your partner’s need to spend time apart. When you have time to do the things you want and to take care of yourself, you can actually be more giving and focused in the time you spend with them.
Talk about everything!
When you’re sharing your life with someone, you need to share taking decisions that would impact you both. It’s better to have everything out in the open rather than putting it off to a point where you have no choice but to deal with it. You both deserve to know how you feel regarding a certain subject and how you should progress with it. Talk about everything from what your room should look like to your finances, setting boundaries for families and friends, having children and so on.
Work for what you want
If you want your relationship to last, it’s up to you to make sure it does. You only get what you work for. Relationships require quite a few things to last. Love unconditionally. Earn each other’s trust. Accept them with all their imperfections. All of these things require compromise. And sometimes you need to make difficult choices as well as sacrifices. But if you feel that your relationship is worth it, you’ll find it in yourself to work for it.
Focus on becoming the kind of person you’d want to be with
Rather than looking for the things you want in another person, maybe the better thing to do is to adopt those things and become a better version of yourself. You will no longer need someone to fill some sort of void. When you feel content on your own, you’ll be able to love them without developing any dependency on them. Because at the end of the day, you would be enough for yourself.
Remember the good times
It’s nice to relive the times you fell for them, or you laughed yourself to tears or the first date and many such memories. They always manage to put a smile on your face. They could smooth things out when you’re going through tough times. They serve as reminders as to what you’re striving for and what more you could have. You’re encouraged to add to this list every time you think of it.
Love and place yourself first, even before them and everyone else follows. Be comfortable with who you are and accept them as they are. Don’t make things more difficult than they have to be. There’s a solution to everything; keep that in mind when faced with any problem. Work together to make your relationship last.
Source: www.gistping.com
Raising kids is one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world -and the one for which you might feel the least prepared.
Here are nine child-rearing tips can help you feel more fulfilled as a parent.
- Boost your child’s self-esteem
Children start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through their parents’ eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression are absorbed by your kids. Your words and actions as a parent affect their developing self-esteem more than anything else.
Praising accomplishments, however small, will make them feel proud; letting kids do things independently will make them feel capable and strong. By contrast, belittling comments or comparing a child unfavorably with another will make kids feel worthless.
Avoid making loaded statements or using words as weapons. Comments like “What a stupid thing to do!” or “You act more like a baby than your little brother!” cause damage just as physical blows do.
Choose your words carefully and be compassionate. Let your children know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them, even when you don’t love their behavior.
2. Catch children being good
Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you react negatively to your kids in a given day? You may find yourself criticising far more often than complimenting. How would you feel about a boss who treated you with that much negative guidance, even if it was well-intentioned?
The more effective approach is to catch kids doing something right: “You made your bed without being asked that’s terrific!” or “I was watching you play with your sister and you were very patient.” These statements will do more to encourage good behaviour over the long run than repeated scolding.
Make a point of finding something to praise every day. Be generous with rewards- your love, hugs, and compliments can work wonders and are often reward enough. Soon you will find you are “growing” more of the behavior you would like to see.
Marriage is meant to be a sanctuary – a place where two people feel safe, seen, and supported. But what happens when the person who promised “forever” slowly becomes the source of your deepest emotional wounds?
As a marriage counsellor and mental health professional in Accra, I sit with men who whisper, “I feel invisible in my own home,” or “I’m constantly blamed for things I didn’t do.” Often, these men are not describing a “difficult wife.” They are describing years of living with narcissistic patterns -patterns that don’t bruise the skin, but shatter the soul.
Let me be clear: Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Confidence is healthy. Pride is human. But narcissistic personality traits become destructive when they are consistent, rigid, and designed to control, manipulate, or diminish the other partner. Research from the American Psychological Association shows that emotional abuse from narcissistic partners can cause anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and even trauma symptoms similar to PTSD.
This article is not about demonising women. It is about naming pain so healing can begin. If you see yourself in these 7 red flags, know this: You are not weak, you are not crazy, and you are not alone.
What can you do if you see these red flags?
Naming the wound is the first step to healing it. Healing does not always mean divorce. Sometimes it means clarity, boundaries, and professional support. Here’s where to start:
1. Get professional clarity, not just advice
Friends may say “all women are like that.” They are not. A trained marriage counsellor or psychologist can help you separate personality traits from clinical patterns, and reality from manipulation. Clarity protects your mental health.
2. Set firm, calm boundaries
Boundaries are not attacks. They are fences around your dignity. Example: “I will not be insulted in public. If it happens, I will leave the room.” Boundaries teach people how to treat you.
3. Rebuild your support system
Narcissistic dynamics thrive in isolation. Reconnect with trusted male friends, mentors, family, or men’s support groups. You need voices outside the home to remind you that you are valuable.
4. Prioritise your mental and physical health
Therapy, exercise, prayer, journaling, medical check-ups — these are not selfish. They are survival tools. A wounded man cannot lead, love, or parent well. Heal yourself first.
5. Seek professional counselling or mediation, not war
If the marriage can be saved, a counsellor or ADR Expert/Arbitrator can create a structured, safe space for both partners to be heard. If it cannot, mediation protects children and assets from destructive conflict.
Final word to the man reading this
Brother, marriage should add to your life, not subtract from your sense of self. If you live daily with confusion, fear, and emotional emptiness, please hear me: You are not the problem for naming it. Silent wounds in marriage only heal when we bring them into the light.
You deserve a home where peace, not performance, is the atmosphere. Whether healing happens within the marriage through transformation and boundaries, or outside it through a safer separation, your mental health and dignity matter.
You are not alone. And you are not powerless.
Source:
Rev. Counsellor Prince Offei, founder of Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC), is a leading Mental Health Professional, Marriage Counsellor, Published Author, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, and Spectator Newspaper Columnist. He writes weekly on relationships, marriage, parenting, special needs support, and their connection to mental health and psychological well-being.
For therapy, counselling, mediation, or enquiries, contact Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) or CPAC Africa ADR and Mediation Centre (CAAMC) in Accra on 0559850604 or 0551428486.
Websites: https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/website | https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/author
