Obaa Yaa
My friend’s ex-girl expresses interest in me
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My friend has been in love with a girl for the past two years. Their relationship has been lovely that they have planned to marry.
Unfortunately, with the twist of events, my friend has stopped moving with the lady without any tangible explanation. I have tried to convince him to change his decision but he would not listen.
A month later, the girl called me that she would like to pay me a visit. Having considered her my friend’s former girl friend, l allowed her to visit me with the reason that she would like to discuss my friend’s conduct with me.
During interactions, she told me she had made a mistake in accepting my friend’s proposal to be his girlfriend. According to her, she wished she were my wife because l am a cool-tempered, quiet, tolerant and a humble person.
I informed my friend about this sudden change of mind of his girl friend. Surprisingly, he encouraged me to go ahead, since he was no longer interested in her.
Advise me on the right action to take.
Kodzo, Accra.
Dear Kodzo,
Though your friend has given you the green light to proceed because he is no longer interested, you must know that the acceptance of this offer would forever strain your relationship with him.
This is an indication that this girl has observed you for a long time and has secretly developed the love for you.
He might have given you the encouragement to go ahead, as a face-saving gesture which did not come from his heart. Though he might have willingly gone for another lady, the element of envy would definitely be in him against you if you go ahead to marry the lady.
Reject the suggestion from this lady and have your peace of mind. Despite her compliments, you must be bold to explain to her that you cannot do the unthinkable because of her previous relationship with your close friend.
Make her to understand that you are not the best man around, and that she will meet a man of her heart very soon.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My sister, who is a single mother, is expecting another baby with the same man who has refused to take responsibility for their first child.
According to her, he left when their first child was just a month old and travelled by bus to his hometown (Libya).
Three years later, he returned after a very difficult experience.
He eventually showed up after leaving the family for three years. Upon his visit, she was lured by this man and ended up in bed with him again.
She later found out that she was pregnant with her second child, and she is currently at a loss as to what she should do.
Lilian, Abofu.
Dear Lilian,
When I read such stories, I get very angry with the victims—in this case, your sister—for being so careless.
She was extremely careless by having unprotected sex with a man who does not take responsibility.
As a matter of fact, the situation your sister finds herself in is heartbreaking and frustrating. Carrying another child with a man who has shown a consistent lack of care and respect towards her and their child is a heavy burden.
In this circumstance, her health and that of the unborn child, as well as the first child, should be her priority.
Tell your sister not to rely on the man again. She should rather find something to do to gain some financial independence.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have a question for you, and it is bothering me. Who made the law that family planning should be only for women when a couple decides not to have children again?
From my research, I have realised that women go through so many complications when trying to do family planning. My auntie died from tubal ligation, and that is a sickness related to family planning.
On the other hand, some men will always blame women for unwanted pregnancies, forgetting that they also have a role to play when it comes to family planning.
Why should it always be women endangering their lives? Some women bloat, others bleed non-stop because of family planning.
My question now is this: can men also go in for vasectomy?
Ayele, Osu.
Dear Ayele,
Your question is very interesting and can generate an unending debate.
Family planning should not be a woman’s burden alone. It is unfair to put all the responsibility and risk on women when both partners are equally involved in decision-making.
In my opinion, both couples should have access to information, resources, and healthcare to make informed decisions about their reproductive health.
The fact that your auntie died from a tubal ligation is heartbreaking, and it is a stark reminder of the risks women take.
Vasectomy is a simple, safe, and effective option for men. It is time for men to step up and take responsibility in family planning.
Not only can it prevent unwanted pregnancies, but it also shows respect for a partner’s health and well-being.
Couples should have open and honest discussions about family planning and be ready to share responsibility.
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