Obaa Yaa
I received my first slap after the wedding
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Baaba is my name and doctor by profession. The women in my family have not been lucky enough when it comes to marriage. When it got to my turn to tie the knot, I thought prayers had broken the family curse until my husband gave me my first slap.
According to sources, women in my mother’s generation were cursed because my grandfather had an affair with a married woman. When the woman’s husband found out, he cursed my grandfather and all his generations.
When I heard that story, I took my prayer life very seriously. I went to church, and every chance I got, I prayed against that curse. I spoke to my pastor about it, and we prayed together. I fasted, sowed seeds, and gave generously to God’s work. My pastor assured me the curse had been broken and that I was free forever. I went ahead and married the man I had dated for six years.
Ever since, slapping in my home has become normal thing. What should I do?
Dede, Obom.
Dear Dede,
From what you have shared, it is understandable that you connected your husband’s actions to the story of the alleged family curse.
However, an incident of domestic violence should not automatically be seen as proof that a curse is at work. Your husband’s decision to slap you is his responsibility, and it should not be excused or explained away as a spiritual inheritance.
The first priority is your safety. Calmly let your husband know that violence is unacceptable and that you will not tolerate being physically abused. If he is remorseful and willing to change, encourage him to seek counselling, preferably with a qualified marriage counsellor, trusted religious leader, or therapist.
Both of you can also attend marriage counselling to address any underlying issues in your relationship.
Continue to nurture your faith if it gives you strength, but avoid living in fear that your life is controlled by a family curse. Prayer can provide comfort and guidance, but it should go hand in hand with practical steps to deal with harmful behaviour.
If your husband continues to be physically abusive or the violence escalates, do not remain silent. Seek support from trusted family members, church leaders who take abuse seriously, or the appropriate authorities. No one deserves to live in an abusive marriage, regardless of spiritual beliefs.
Remember, a healthy marriage is built on love, respect, patience, and self-control not fear or violence.
Protect your well-being while giving your husband the opportunity to take responsibility for his actions and change.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a Muslim and I have been married for the past 14 years and the fruit of the womb has been one of my challenge. My husband and I have tried so many options but it didn’t work.
God been so good, I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and after undergoing screening tests, doctors told me that my baby is highly likely to have Down syndrome.
According to them, the results are around 95 per cent suggestive, and they are strongly recommending termination of the pregnancy. They also mentioned that there are more confirmatory tests available, but these may take another 4 to 5 weeks, and by then the pregnancy will be more advanced, making termination medically more complicated if the diagnosis is confirmed.
Because of this, my family and even my husband are encouraging abortion after consulting multiple doctors.
My heart feels extremely torn and confused. Part of me wants to wait for the confirmatory tests because I fear making such a serious decision based only on probability and fear. I want to know what Islam teaches regarding abortion in such a situation.
Is it permissible to terminate a pregnancy because of a likely disability such as Down syndrome, or should I continue the pregnancy and trust Allah? Please guide me sincerely because this matter is weighing heavily on my heart and faith.
Ramatu, Wa.
Dear Ramatu,
This is a deeply painful and sensitive situation, and my heart goes out to you. May Allah grant you strength, wisdom, and peace as you navigate this difficult decision.
In Islam, every human life is sacred, and decisions regarding abortion are treated with great seriousness. Many Islamic scholars distinguish between screening tests, which estimate the likelihood of a condition, and diagnostic tests, which provide much greater certainty. A screening result suggesting a 95 per cent chance of Down syndrome is still not a definitive diagnosis.
Because of this, many scholars advise against making an irreversible decision based solely on screening results. If possible, it is advisable to undergo the confirmatory diagnostic tests and seek the guidance of trustworthy Muslim medical professionals and knowledgeable Islamic scholars before making a final decision.
It is also important to remember that Down syndrome is not a terminal illness. Many individuals with Down syndrome live meaningful lives, bring immense joy to their families, and contribute positively to their communities. Their lives have dignity and value in the sight of Allah.
At the same time, Islam recognises genuine hardship. Some contemporary scholars have discussed limited circumstances in which abortion may be considered before 120 days (approximately 17 weeks) if there is a confirmed severe fetal abnormality and reliable medical evidence, but there is significant scholarly disagreement. Down syndrome alone is generally not regarded by many scholars as sufficient grounds for abortion, particularly when the diagnosis is not yet confirmed.
Continue to make du’a, perform Salat al-Istikharah, and seek counsel from a qualified Islamic scholar who understands both Islamic jurisprudence and the medical facts of your case. Whatever decision you make should be based on accurate medical information, sincere consultation, and your desire to seek Allah’s pleasure.
May Allah guide you to what is best, ease your burden, and bless you and your family with His mercy and wisdom.
Dear ObaaYaa,
I am a banker in one of the reputable firm in the country. I have dated a lady who is also a caterer for the past four years and now want to get married.
Both of us finally decided meet her dad. And to my surprise, her father is against our marriage for no reason.
Surprisingly, my girlfriend sides with her dad, but she tells me she doesn’t know why he doesn’t agree. Or maybe it has been the plan all along for her not to marry me.
I’ve invested a lot in this relationship; rent, her business, my duty of care, and even healthcare, but they still say no.
Should I fight back? She’s living in a place I rented. Should I take my room back if she’s not going to explain? Or should I just be patient and see how it goes? I’m hurt, frustrated.
Safo, Takyiman.
Dear Safo,
The most important thing here is not the money you’ve spent or the support you’ve given. Marriage requires two willing people and, usually, the support of their families.
Her father’s refusal is not the biggest issue. Parents sometimes object to relationships for cultural, religious, family, or personal reasons. The bigger concern is that after four years together, your girlfriend is not being open with you about why.
Don’t “fight back” by taking revenge. If you rented the place solely for her and decide to end the relationship, you can make arrangements regarding the accommodation in a respectful and lawful manner. However, using the room or financial support as a weapon will only create more conflict and won’t solve the real problem.
Give them time to explain, but not forever. If weeks or months pass without a clear answer, you may need to accept that they have made their decision.
Protect your dignity. A person who wants to marry you will usually work with you to overcome obstacles. If your girlfriend refuses to explain and continues to support her father’s decision without discussion, that is valuable information about where you stand.
My advice is to remain calm, request a direct explanation, and make your next decision based on her response. If she cannot give you an honest feedaback, it may be wiser to step away than to keep investing your time, emotions, and resources in a relationship with no clear future.
