Dear ObaaYaa,

I am a banker in one of the reputable firm in the country. I have dated a lady who is also a caterer for the past four years and now want to get married.

Both of us finally decided meet her dad. And to my surprise, her father is against our marriage for no reason.

Surprisingly, my girlfriend sides with her dad, but she tells me she doesn’t know why he doesn’t agree.  Or maybe it has been the plan all along for her not to marry me.

I’ve invested a lot in this relationship; rent, her business, my duty of care, and even healthcare, but they still say no.

Should I fight back? She’s living in a place I rented. Should I take my room back if she’s not going to explain? Or should I just be patient and see how it goes? I’m hurt, frustrated.

Safo, Takyiman.

Dear Safo,

The most important thing here is not the money you’ve spent or the support you’ve given. Marriage requires two willing people and, usually, the support of their families.

Her father’s refusal is not the biggest issue. Parents sometimes object to relationships for cultural, religious, family, or personal reasons. The bigger concern is that after four years together, your girlfriend is not being open with you about why.

Don’t “fight back” by taking revenge. If you rented the place solely for her and decide to end the relationship, you can make arrangements regarding the accommodation in a respectful and lawful manner. However, using the room or financial support as a weapon will only create more conflict and won’t solve the real problem.

 Give them time to explain, but not forever. If weeks or months pass without a clear answer, you may need to accept that they have made their decision.

Protect your dignity. A person who wants to marry you will usually work with you to overcome obstacles. If your girlfriend refuses to explain and continues to support her father’s decision without discussion, that is valuable information about where you stand.

My advice is to remain calm, request a direct explanation, and make your next decision based on her response. If she cannot give you an honest feedaback, it may be wiser to step away than to keep investing your time, emotions, and resources in a relationship with no clear future.

Dear Obaa Yaa,

I have lost one eye (the left one). I lost it due to marital quarrels but my parents still want me to return to the marriage. When I got married, I believed I was beginning a new, exciting chapter. Instead, I walked right into a furnace meant to ‘burn’ me. 

The insults came first, then the beatings. I didn’t have to do anything big. I spat while he was eating. He shouted at me and asked if I didn’t have any decorum.

My third child was barely a year old when my husband threw me out of the house at dawn. What was my sin? I was sleeping too much while our baby disturbed him at night. He said I should be awake to put the baby to sleep.

It was around 1 a.m. I was too tired to do anything, but I tried my best and managed to find my way back to my parents’ house. I handed my baby to my mom, fell on a bed, and slept like I had just returned from war.

I didn’t have to tell them what had happened. They already knew. I was sent back home even before my husband came looking for me.

Then came the day that changed my life forever. The day my husband made me blind in one eye. What should do?

Efua, Takoradi.

Dear Efua,

To be sincere, you should not return to that marriage unless your safety can be guaranteed and there is clear evidence of change. Losing an eye as a result of domestic violence is not a minor marital dispute, rather, a serious act of abuse.

My heart breaks for you. No one deserves to be treated this way. Being insulted, beaten, thrown out of the house in the middle of the night with a baby, and ultimately losing an eye are clear signs of severe abuse.

Marriage is meant to provide love, respect, and protection, not fear and suffering. Parents may encourage reconciliation because they value family unity, but no tradition, culture, or family expectation should require a woman to return to a situation that has already caused permanent physical harm.

Your safety and wellbeing must come first. Seek support from trusted family members, counsellors, religious leaders, women’s rights organisations, and the appropriate authorities if necessary.

 Before any discussion of reconciliation can take place, there must be accountability for the abuse, genuine repentance, and assurance that such violence will never happen again.

A woman who has lost an eye because of domestic violence should not be pressured to return to her abuser. She deserves safety, dignity, healing, and the opportunity to rebuild her life.