Obaa Yaa
How do l rekindle this relationship?
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I have this long term relationship with a friend of mine. We attended the same Junior High School as well as the same church. This relationship was still intense even when we were admitted to different Senior High Schools.
We planned things together and settled on one thing. At church, you will see us walking together, which painted a family or sororal relationship in the minds of people.
After Senior High School, the two of us stayed at home for a year to better our grades to enable us to enter the tertiary institution.
Back at church, I went about doing things independently. During the second year after Senior High School, I got admitted to one of the famous tertiary institutions in Ghana. My friend was not able to sail through this time and had to attend another private school again to rewrite. This time round I was away from home.
During my semester break, I came home to discover that my friend had made friends with another lady in our church. I must admit that this attitude has affected me emotionally and has ruined our relationship to the extent that we no longer talk to each other.
Our parents and colleagues have raised concerns about the cold relationship between us and are anxious to see us moving together once again. This situation has ruined our relationship and l have developed a cold attitude towards her. Now, we are only limited to greetings.
I still ponder over our relationship in the past and find it difficult to forget about it. How do I rekindle this relationship?
Deborah Nkansah, Cape Coast,
Dear Deborah,
In life you must be guided by the fact that people are driven by different reasons to behave the way they do.
The sudden change of attitude of your friend devoid of quarrel could be due to her inability to enter the tertiary institution as you have been successful. She might have been suffering from inferiority complex, therefore, she has decided to free herself from your company.
Since you are desirous of resolving the issue, you can employ the best communication skills to establish fresh links with her.
A CEO visited his office and saw a man who was scrolling through his phone while sitting on a sofa.
The CEO asked, “What are you doing?”
The man replied, “Wasting my time until I’ll get paid.”
The CEO was furious, “What is your weekly salary!?”
Man, “$1000”
The CEO counted $2000 and gave it to the man, “Take this money and get out! You don’t work here anymore!”
The man silently took the money and left.
CEO walked up to the reception, “By the way, who was this guy?”
The receptionist said, “Pizza delivery”.
I didn’t understand why my father abandoned me as a child until he appeared recently and told me my mom placed a curse on him.
I was about thirteen or fifteen, my mom took me to the front of a big house and told me that is where I belong.
I knocked the door and the man sacked me from the house to go back to my mother.
Life with my mother was very tough until God came through for me to gain a scholarship.
Years later, I’d returned from abroad when this man walked up to me apologising.
I take care of him and provide him with everything. He needs my attention but I doubt if he will get that from me because he didn’t take care of me.
Jojo, USA.
Dear Jojo,
This is such a heart breaking story. No child deserves to grow up wondering why a parent was absent or feeling abandoned.
If your father’s explanation is true, the responsibility for leaving you still rests with him. A curse, fear, or conflict with your mother may explain his decisions, but it does not excuse abandoning his child.
Parents have a duty to love, protect, and remain present in their children’s lives, regardless of the problems between them.
Now that he has returned, it is reasonable to listen to what he has to say, but you do not have to accept everything without question. Ask him honest questions about why he stayed away for so many years, why he never tried to reach you, and what he hopes to achieve by reconnecting now. His willingness to take responsibility for his choices is more important than the explanation he gives.
At the same time, try not to carry the burden of your parents’ conflict. Whatever happened between them was their issue, not yours. You were an innocent child who deserved the love and presence of both parents.
If you choose to rebuild a relationship with your father, let it happen gradually. Trust is earned through consistent actions, not just words. If you decide not to have a close relationship with him, that is also your right. Forgiveness, if you choose it, should be for your own peace of mind, not because you are obligated to overlook the pain you experienced.
Most importantly, remember that your worth was never determined by your father’s absence. His choices reflect his decisions, not your value as a person.
The past cannot be changed, but how you respond now can help you find healing and peace.
