Obaa Yaa
l suspect she has secret lover
Dear Obaa Yaa,
l am 28 years old trader and l have a lady who is 25 years old and also a petty trader. We have planned to stay without sex and use the period to study each other well before getting married.
We have planned not to visit each other in the night in order to avoid falling into the temptation of indulging in pre-marital sex. During this period, we occasionally buy nice gifts for each other and our birthdays are treated with special presents.
Since she comes to assist me in selling my goods, l have suggested that we occupy the same shop where l operate but she has objected to it for the reason that her customers will find it difficult to locate her.
My lady occasionally visits me on Sundays because that is the only day we do not sell in the market.
As the years pass by and desires keep mounting, l have asked her for sex but she has refused to give in to my request.
Judging from her actions and utterances these days, l am suspecting that she has a secret lover who she gives much attention to of late and, therefore, does not mind me these days.
l am planning to pick someone who will satisfy my sexual desires and probably marry me if the need be. Should l go ahead?
Matthew, Akim Oda.
Dear Matthew,
Marriage is a life-long process which is complex and goes beyond sex. Therefore, a partner who is capable of providing a fraction of this requirement would eventually become a failure.
Your decision not to visit each other in the night to prevent the two of you from indulging in pre-marital sex is commendable, since it takes ladies who are morally strong and prepared to withstand temptations while in friendship.
As the two of you have made a decision about your future, you should encourage each other to stick to your principles.
Suspicion is not good in a relationship, therefore, try to iron out petty issues with her and matters will be good.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young gentleman who is 25 years of age. I have been dating a lady for the past three years and I have plans of taking her to the altar.
However, there is a problem that threatens the love and bond that exits between us.
Growing up, I have vouched not to engage in any sexual intercourse with my girlfriend. But she seems to have an issue with it.
According to her, my decision makes her feel I am not truly in love as I claim . I must say that I am confused about the situation and I don’t want to lose her because I love her so much.
Thomas, Wa.
Dear Thomas,
First of all, there is nothing wrong with your decision to abstain from sex before marriage. True love is not only proven through physical intimacy, but also through respect, patience, understanding and shared values.
If your girlfriend truly loves you, she should be willing to respect your convictions just as you respect her feelings. It is important for both of you to have an honest and calm conversation about your beliefs, expectations and future together.
Let her understand that your decision is not because you do not love her, but because you value both her and the relationship deeply.
At the same time, try to listen to her concerns without judging her. Relationships survive when couples communicate openly and support each other’s principles. Never feel pressured to do something against your values simply out of fear of losing someone.
A healthy relationship should not force one partner to compromise their morals.
If the two of you truly see a future together, then patience, trust and mutual respect will help strengthen your bond. Stay true to yourself while continuing to show her genuine love, care and commitment.
I wish you all the best.
My dad has threatened not to attend my wedding; instead, he has been raining curses on me.
Each morning and night, he would call and rain curses on me, telling me I was bringing shame and bad luck to my marriage because I told him, my step father will be present.
I have personally been to his house to invite him, yet he keeps telling me he can’t make it. What should I do?
Kwesi,
Suhum
Dear Kwesi,
Your dad’s curses, guilt, and threats come from his pain and fear of losing his role, but that doesn’t make his behaviour idle.
You can love him as your father and still set a firm boundary for him.
If he crosses that line, end the call or stop replying his messages. Protect your wedding and your peace by limiting contact, especially late at night and early morning, and stand by your partner.
Remember, respecting your dad doesn’t mean erasing the role your stepdad played – both can matter without problems.
Don’t let his behaviour dictate the start of your marriage. You can’t control if he comes around, but you can control not letting his anger affect your emotions.
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