Obaa Yaa
l suspect she has secret lover
Dear Obaa Yaa,
l am 28 years old trader and l have a lady who is 25 years old and also a petty trader. We have planned to stay without sex and use the period to study each other well before getting married.
We have planned not to visit each other in the night in order to avoid falling into the temptation of indulging in pre-marital sex. During this period, we occasionally buy nice gifts for each other and our birthdays are treated with special presents.
Since she comes to assist me in selling my goods, l have suggested that we occupy the same shop where l operate but she has objected to it for the reason that her customers will find it difficult to locate her.
My lady occasionally visits me on Sundays because that is the only day we do not sell in the market.
As the years pass by and desires keep mounting, l have asked her for sex but she has refused to give in to my request.
Judging from her actions and utterances these days, l am suspecting that she has a secret lover who she gives much attention to of late and, therefore, does not mind me these days.
l am planning to pick someone who will satisfy my sexual desires and probably marry me if the need be. Should l go ahead?
Matthew, Akim Oda.
Dear Matthew,
Marriage is a life-long process which is complex and goes beyond sex. Therefore, a partner who is capable of providing a fraction of this requirement would eventually become a failure.
Your decision not to visit each other in the night to prevent the two of you from indulging in pre-marital sex is commendable, since it takes ladies who are morally strong and prepared to withstand temptations while in friendship.
As the two of you have made a decision about your future, you should encourage each other to stick to your principles.
Suspicion is not good in a relationship, therefore, try to iron out petty issues with her and matters will be good.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We are a family of three—my dad, mom, and myself, being the only daughter of my parents.
My dad provided everything we needed; he was a very fun-loving man and the backbone of our family. He was always ready to give us jokes and anecdotes before going to bed, making our lives full of laughter and love.
One morning, I woke up to an eerie silence. I called out for my dad, but there was no response. We were all shocked, confused, and grief-stricken because daddy was our backbone—our emotional and financial support, the one who made us smile no matter the storms we were facing. We kept asking, what did he do wrong?
Lady Tina, Akosombo
Advice
Dear Tina,
I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Losing a loved one, especially in a tragic and unexpected manner, is incredibly painful.
Here are some steps you can take to cope and move forward:
- Seek justice and support: If your dad’s death involved wrongdoing, cooperate fully with the authorities as they work to identify the perpetrator.
- Lean on your support network: Reach out to trusted family friends, relatives, or a therapist for emotional support during this difficult time.
- Care for yourselves: It is very important to take care of both your mom’s and your physical and emotional well-being. Grieving is a process, and everyone copes differently.
- Be gentle with yourself: Allow yourself time to grieve and heal. Do not hesitate to seek help whenever needed.
Remember, Tina, it’s okay to lean on others and take things one day at a time.
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Dear Counselor,
I have decided to put this into writing to seek your advice and counsel. I am a 21-year-old girl who completed Senior High School (SHS) three years ago and am currently at home.
During my Basic School and SHS days, I had two mutual friends I always moved along with. We stayed in the same apartment, went to the same schools from basic level to senior high school. We literally did everything together, and our friendship was so strong that everyone thought we were sisters.
We all gained admission into the University, but I could not join them because things were bad financially for my parents. They could not afford my fees to register my courses, so I had no other option than to stay home.
As a result of my situation, my friends no longer relate to me as they did earlier. They take decisions without me, make me feel inferior, and leave me out. Their behaviour, gestures, and negative body language say it all. I was completely broken when they told me I no longer fit into their circle of friendship.
Jessica, Lashibi
Advice
Dear Jessica,
It is really sad that your friends are behaving this way toward you. Here are some steps you can consider:
- Seek clarification: Approach them calmly and ask why they have been acting this way. You cannot live by assumptions alone.
- Value yourself: Even though some friendships do not last forever, being emotionally drained is not the best option. Your 10 years of memories are precious, but you also deserve respect.
- Move on if needed: If your friends continue to make you feel inferior, take a bold step and move forward without them. True friends respect and uplift each other.
- Focus on your future:
- Plan your life and look for menial jobs to cover expenses.
- Save money to further your education.
- Try online courses to prepare ahead of time.
- Apply for scholarship programs to support your studies.
Remember, Jessica, your worth is not determined by others’ approval. Surround yourself with people who respect, encourage, and celebrate your growth.
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