Obaa Yaa
l suspect she has secret lover
Dear Obaa Yaa,
l am 28 years old trader and l have a lady who is 25 years old and also a petty trader. We have planned to stay without sex and use the period to study each other well before getting married.
We have planned not to visit each other in the night in order to avoid falling into the temptation of indulging in pre-marital sex. During this period, we occasionally buy nice gifts for each other and our birthdays are treated with special presents.
Since she comes to assist me in selling my goods, l have suggested that we occupy the same shop where l operate but she has objected to it for the reason that her customers will find it difficult to locate her.
My lady occasionally visits me on Sundays because that is the only day we do not sell in the market.
As the years pass by and desires keep mounting, l have asked her for sex but she has refused to give in to my request.
Judging from her actions and utterances these days, l am suspecting that she has a secret lover who she gives much attention to of late and, therefore, does not mind me these days.
l am planning to pick someone who will satisfy my sexual desires and probably marry me if the need be. Should l go ahead?
Matthew, Akim Oda.
Dear Matthew,
Marriage is a life-long process which is complex and goes beyond sex. Therefore, a partner who is capable of providing a fraction of this requirement would eventually become a failure.
Your decision not to visit each other in the night to prevent the two of you from indulging in pre-marital sex is commendable, since it takes ladies who are morally strong and prepared to withstand temptations while in friendship.
As the two of you have made a decision about your future, you should encourage each other to stick to your principles.
Suspicion is not good in a relationship, therefore, try to iron out petty issues with her and matters will be good.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I took off my wedding rings but could not find it again. I was washing when I took them off and placed them on a wall close to me. Honestly, after washing I forgot to pick them up until the evening, when my husband asked where my ring were, I quickly dashed out of the room to check where I had placed them, but they were not there. My husband made it clear that I was cheating that was why I could take my rings off and lose them.
I was packing to leave the house when the bags fell and I heard a tinkling sound of metals instead of plastic. I looked around the floor, and my rings were lying there.
Who took the rings and kept them there and why would the person do that to me just to shake the foundation of my marriage?
Oye, Tabora.
Dear Oye,
Your husband’s reaction was abusive, not just angry. Accusing you of cheating was just mean.
Rings don’t prove fidelity, trust does. Your response was fair: taking rings off to wash is normal, and cheating has nothing to do with it.
The fact that the rings ‘mysteriously’ ended up in your bags suggests someone moved them deliberately to cause conflict. A partner who jumps to punishment instead of problem-solving will do it again when the next misunderstanding happens.
If indeed your husband threatened and pushed you out, kindly talk to someone you trust in the family or a counsellor before moving back in. If you choose to stay, your husband needs to apologise and let peace to reign.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My life started falling apart the very day I got married. I started experiencing a series of unfortunate events, which nearly broke me.
In the first year into our marriage, I lost a very lucrative job when my wife was pregnant.
I was scheduled for an interview at the Korle-Bu Teaching Hospital.
Immediately I got down from a taxi, out of nowhere, a motorbike at full speed knocked me down. I broke my leg and was admitted to the hospital for three months.
I lost the opportunity for the breakthrough. Since then, things have become difficult for my family. Is my problem spiritual or what?
Mawuli, Keta.
Dear Mawuli,
Stop linking your hardships to your wedding. Job loss, accidents, and unemployment are painful situations but that doesn’t mean your marriage is cursed.
In life, there are misfortunes and I urge you to continue to pray hard and wait upon the lord.
Focus on what you can control right now: your health, your finances, and your mental health.
Focus on your leg, take any work to build momentum, and consider therapy to break the “everything is a spiritual attack” cycle. Talk honestly with your wife; you two are a team, not the problem.
