A drunk man comes home late. His wife sees him and angrily exclaims, “Are you drunk again?!”

The man shakes his head and answers, “No, I am not drunk!”

“Okay, then prove it. There’s a clock over there. Can you tell the time?”

“Of course I can!” says the man.

He turns toward the clock and screams, “Hey! I am not drunk!”

I said to my wife “1-0”.

She farted and said “1 all”.

I farted and said “2-1”.

She farted and said “2 all”.

I then had a wet fart which soiled the bed.

My wife said, “What was that?”

I said “Half time. Switch sides”.