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Confusion in Tema

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Drivers at a lorry station
Drivers at a lorry station

TEMA is a city of mysteries. When someone dies, chances are that the person will resurrect and shame the devil. Come to the harbour city and you’d meet a few Jesuses of Nazareth and of course Kwame Korkorti.

Because people in Tema are used to dying and resurrecting after three days, when someone dies, it is important that the person himself go round town to announce his obituary before people can believe he is really dead and wouldn’t wake up and cause commotion.

When the infamous, spine-chilling Madam High Heels died in Tema a few years back, she announced her death in a rather grand style. She toured all primary schools in Tema, wearing a white dress and high-heeled pair of footwear. For more than eight weeks she terrorised school children. “I saw her with my own eyes,” one kid swore. “She wore high-heel shoes and her walkings was very stylish.”

“She entered into our classroom and then vanished when we screamed,” another recounted.

It was rumoured that only children could see the ‘ghost on strike’ because they are ‘holy.’ So they could see the celebrated ghost which was on tour allegedly searching for its lost daughter among school children.

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In one of the schools, one male teacher nearly defecated when his class children began screaming in terror. A stampede was in progress and the terrified teacher who did not see the ghost apparently because he wasn’t holy, did not know which direction to flee. And if he had the misfortune of meeting the Madam right in his way, it could be disastrous for his health and future.

“Where is it?” he cried out to the kids. “It is near you!” they shouted back. That was enough to loosen his bowels.

The next stop was Teshie where the Madam visited. It was a real challenge to both staff and pupils. It was a real race as both teachers and kids defied all odds and took off in different directions. But it was the head teacher who impressed everybody. No one gave him a dog’s chance but he outran both his contemporaries and the younger generation.

Actually, he proved to all that he was not headmaster for nothing. He also proved that under certain circumstances you have to abandon the school children and seek your own salvation. Each for himself. Man no fool!

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Apparently one kid had heard something like someone walking with high-heeled shoes and raised the alarm. That was enough for the speed.

Soon after the Madam rounded-off her tour came the era of the Black Cat. Don’t get scared, Black Cat isn’t really a cat and does not intend to be. The Cat is in fact a human being. He was commissioned by the Tema Metropolitan Assembly (TMA) to arrest floating drivers.

The emergence of floating drivers became a phenomenon when the lorry station which was first located near the Community One market was relocated remotely beyond the Mankoadze roundabout.

It caused great inconvenience to travelers because getting to the new station demanded some miles of walking in some cases. It turned out that some LT and mini-bus drivers took advantage of the situation, turned coat and began floating like butterflies picking passengers by the roadsides.

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The GPRTU executive lamented the new development. The floaters were getting all the jobs and weren’t paying station fees. They were also allegedly dodging tax because they had turned renegade and were under nobody’s control. They complained to TMA and the Black Cat was hired to solve the problem using strong-arm and red-eye.

Black Cat is a strong, burly, barrel-chested fellow who has quite a reputation in the city. He seemed just right for the job. He headed a task force that moved silently around Community One in a taxi or a minibus targeting floating drivers and catching them for disciplinary action.

Sometimes, it resulted in a real chase when the recalcitrant drivers took off in escape. It was always a spectacle; dangerous sensation of screeching, weaving, dodging and aponkye braking as they raced, one escaping, the other furiously pursuing.

It was just miraculous that accidents did not occur in the misadventures. Sidewalks were trespassed by the offending drivers who either swung precariously to the left or to the right to avoid the Cat, with pedestrians screaming in terror and taking cover.

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Residents of Tema became concerned about the dangerous pursuits and complained. Nobody minded them. Then one day Black Cat caught one driver but the man decided to resist arrest. Apparently he was too “tough copper” and decided to defy the might of the human cat.

A fight ensued and soon a capacity crowd gathered to witness it. In the course of it, it became clear that the driver was a poor match for Black Cat, and sooner or later the Cat’s back would touch the ground in defeat.

Sensing danger, it was alleged that Black Cat drew a knife and whum! whum! whum! Adzeiii-i-I!

News of the death of the driver reverberated the length and breadth of the harbour city. The rumour came in different versions. “Black Cat stabbed the man twice in the neck, twice in the stomach and once in the nose,” someone told me that day. Others said different things about the incident. What was, however, certain was that the driver had died.

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The news incensed fellow drivers who stormed the offices of the TMA and ravaged it, burning a bus (allegedly belonging to Black Cat), smashing windscreens and causing pandemonium and destruction. The quiet made residents from all the communities converge on Community One to see what the hell was going on.

The death of the driver had precipitated a disturbance and the security agents had a tough time calming frayed nerves. Then something happened. The dead man was seen roaming in town and feeling good himself. He had resurrected.

What! Tema really is a mystery city.

 This article was first published on Saturday May11, 1996

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Cry my beloved Ghana

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Someone said, if we cannot plan for an occurrence as predictable as the annual rains, then what else can we plan for as a country?  God has caused nature to schedule rains for specific periods or months within the year and everybody knows this. 

One need not be a meteorologist to tell that the rains will fall in May and June every year.  Any serious person who has something that the rains can affect, would therefore plan taking into consideration the likelihood of the rains falling.  Therefore to find out that a whole country like ours, had not planned effectively, is mind-boggling. 

The report by the World Bank that fiscal policy measures by the Finance Minister has led to no money being released for the World Bank sponsored project to deal with the perennial flooding situation in Accra, is so disappointing.  The fact that this contributed immensely to the flooding in Accra, is an understatement.

There have been fires in our markets, but who is checking the wiring on a regular basis as a system designed to prevent future outbreaks?  The occurrence of fires in our markets is something that must engage the attention of government and all the stakeholders.

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The causes may be several but if a system of proper fire prevention is in place, l believe the number of occurrences will be drastically minimised.  Electrical wiring for instance has been found to be one of the causes of market fires.  Fire as we know from the experts, can only happen if these three things are present, namely source of heat, combustible material and oxygen i.e. air. 

lf any one of these is missing, there will be no fire.  It has been realised that heat generated in wires have caused fires in the past and therefore, an effective system must be put in place to ensure that, only certain approved qualified electricians, can execute wiring jobs in our markets instead of the current situation where different electricians execute wiring with different types of wires, of different quality, dimensions etc. 

Preventive inspections schedule must also be put in place to endure compliance with uniform wiring standard, as well as adherence to expiry dates of the wires.

What baffles me is why some MCEs and DCEs are still at post while things are deteriorating in their areas of influence and yet the President or the Minister for Local Government seems to be unwilling to relieve them of their positions.  People have lost their lives, official count is about 37 lives, properties worth millions of Ghana Cedis have been destroyed, people’s livelihoods have been destroyed and they are at ground zero.

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We can go on and on and on about the devastating impact of the recent floods.  Suddenly, we have these local authority heads, all over the place, demolishing buildings after the flood.  Is this not insanity?  Where were the LUPSA Engineers who issue permits at the local assemblies? 

If they were doing their jobs, for which they are paid every month, they would have seen people constructing structures at Ramseyer sites.  They would have seen people putting up structures very close to the bank of streams or rivers and could have enforced the regulations, which could have averted the level of impact on lives and property.

One particular issue which drives me crazy is the Kasoa to Mallam Junction stretch of the N1.  The traffic jam between West Hills Mall and Weija Junction is due to the flooding of a place called Ataala.  Anytime it rains heavily, the area floods and vehicles moving from West Hills towards Weija cannot use their normal lane but are forced to switch to the inner lane of those headed towards West Hills Mall from Weija and it did not start yesterday.  I am so, so disappointed. God Bless.

By Laud Kissi-Mensah

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The palaver of daily chop money

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The romance between man and wife ends where chopmoney palaver begins. When the man is leaving for work and the woman’s face looks like a rainy day, anyone can guess that the chop money delivered is quite below sea level.

But when she smiles too broadly for comfort and waves her husband goodbye zealously, it means the man did not only perform well under the cover of darkness but also dished out the correct amount of chop money.

The typical matrimonial home is a complex one. Many factors contribute to fuelling or preventing occasional civil wars. When Pyram became a household word, some husbands and wives put heads together, went borrowing, sold their belongings and invested in the sham scheme.

When Pyram collapsed, many marriages got shattered beyond repair. Wives blamed their husbands and husbands complained about nagging wives. In a few instances, punches were traded. Crises could not be managed as debts soared and creditors wanted back their money.

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Chop money grew slim. Only Mr Kofi Annan could negotiate a truce between warring partners as daggers were drawn. The Pyram palaver brought more woes to Sikaman than the joy it was supposed to bring.

Many women have died from distress and frustration. All their resources which were joyfully invested in the scheme cannot be retrieved.

“Today, the Government says it cannot use taxpayers’ money to pay those who lost various sums of money to the two money-doubling banks Pyram and Resource 5000 Ltd. “We told you not to take your monies there and you didn’t listen. Paddle your own canoe, or canoe your own paddle,’ says the Sikaman government.”

The chop money palaver in Sikaman is getting heady. People are citing chop money problems for their offences. The newspapers report of a man who allegedly injected his three-week-old daughter with DDT because the wife was disturbing him with chop money matters too much. He is being tried by the courts.

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Some women claim they abandoned their babies because their fathers refused to offer chop money. So when they dump the babies in the latrine, they are relieved of any burden. Looks like maternal instincts are withering out of mothers. These are indeed times when mothers no longer love their children because of chop money palaver.

Stomach capacity

The amount of chop money a father gives out each day, week or month depends on the family size and the stomach capacity of each family stomach. Members of some families are very light eaters and little is spent on food. But for other families where some members have ‘double chambers’ the food budget requires additional funds.

Indeed, in some families, members have natural appetite for food whether or not they take peters (bitters). And when food isn’t enough, there can be an uprising against constituted domestic authority, the family equivalent of the Guinea Bissau rebellion.

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Yes, where one person can eat four balls of kenkey and cry for more, but is given only two balls, he can get angry and start breaking louvres.

The chop money size also depends on the level of nutrition typical of each family. Some families believe in the third world theory that QUANTITY is better than QUALITY. The bigger the banku and the smaller the fish, all the better for Ghanaians. Yes quantity, not quality. Such families stock maize in bags.

Those who believe in quality spend much on vegetables, meat and fish and therefore spend more, but it is worth it because they are healthier and stronger. They also spend on fruits and are averse to the “quantity supremacy” theory.

The problem with chop money issues is that when the correct amount is not flowing, the women think the men are misapplying their salaries in overt pleasures. They accuse their husbands of drinking too much bitters and burukutu, and they can prove the accusation using a formula. They only have to smell the breath of their partners. The fuse can be great!

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One woman told her neighbour when her husband comes back home drunk, he behaves like a walking distillery, swaggering like a drunken sailor. You’d think he has been baptised with raw akpeteshie or immersed in the stuff. Her only compliment was that in spite of his alcoholic status, the guy could perform. That is Viagra or no Viagra.

Women also accuse men of chasing other women in the same manner as a he-goat does. Half their salaries cannot be accounted for as a result, they claim. So when the chop money isn’t at least at sea-level, they must protest either noisily or stage a sit-down strike.

Domestic sit-down strikes by wives can cause problems. When a man takes full quarter and is expecting a wonderful dinner with soup and its accompaniments and comes to meet an empty table and a brooding woman, he can go berserk. The clash can be worse than a plane crash.

As it were, it all requires patience to make a marriage last, chop money or not.

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This article was first published on Saturday, July 11, 1998

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