Obaa Yaa
Help us solve this
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been having a serious argument with a friend of mine on men and women, and I would like you to help us solve it.
For some time now, I have been hearing that the women in this country are more than the men, and my friend also supported it by saying that every man in this country is entitled to seven solid women.
In fact, Obaa Yaa, I am confused because at the various workplaces and in other organisations, you can see that the men outnumber the women, and the only place where the women outnumber the men is the markets.
Can you help us with statistics suggesting that men are more than women and also help me to establish the veracity of the claim that every man is supposed to marry more than one woman?
P. K. Tamakloe, Akosombo.
Dear P.K,
According to statistics, women are more than men in this country but not to the extent that one man can marry seven women.
There are about two men to three women, although the ratio is not definite. As it were, when you take two men, only one on the average can marry two wives. The other can only get a woman and no more.
My question is why you are worried about something you can’t change.
Besides, as a Christian, you are entitled to marry only one woman.
You should not encourage such conversations because it can affect some decisions you want to take in life.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We live on a compound with five flats, and I am struggling with the looks I get from my neighbours every morning. The way they stare at me feels so horrible.
My husband moans so loud during sex, and this happens almost every day. I always try to cover up but he always finds a way to keep making noise. He screams my name very loudly.
We have not yet completed our own house, and it will not be happening anytime soon. Please, how do I get him to stop all this excessive moans? I am so ashamed to move around the compound. The worst part is that my compound neighbours always see me when I am coming in or going out. Sometimes they avoid me and give me some looks, gossiping about me. Obaa Yaa, what should I do?
Adzo, Keta.
Dear Adzo,
What you are experiencing is quite embarrassing and emotionally painful.
Your feelings are completely valid. You are not doing anything wrong, immoral, or indecent.
The situation continues not because of your actions, but because your husband is ignoring your repeated pleas for privacy and dignity.
A loving and considerate spouse does not trivialise such distress. You need to have one final, calm but firm conversation with him outside the bedroom, making it clear that this behaviour of his is hurting you and must stop.
At the same time, set a clear boundary: if the noise continues, you will not feel comfortable being intimate with him when others can hear.
This is not punishment; it is self-protection. You can also reduce exposure temporarily by closing windows, adding background music, and choosing more private times.
Hold your head up and remember you have done nothing disgraceful. If your husband still refuses to change, seek marital counselling or a trusted mediator he respects. You deserve privacy, respect, and emotional safety in your marriage.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 23 year old lady, a national service person, who have just been posted to a remote town in the Northern Region to serve as a supervisor for a health facility.
After a very long and tiring search, I got a room to rent at an affordable price. My landlord is a male, and for some time now, he has been coming over without my invitation.
He comes at odd times and very late in the evenings, with the excuse of checking on me. Sometimes, I could just be in my room; the door opens and there he is. I am so uncomfortable with this situation and I wish he could stop, but I do not know how to tell him.
I fear he might become offended. I don’t feel safe in my own space since I stepped foot into the compound. I need some privacy!
Juanita, Tamale.
Dear Juanita,
I can feel your discomfort and concern. It’s understandable that you’re feeling vulnerable in this situation. Your safety and privacy are important, and you have every right to set boundaries.
It is very essential to communicate your concerns clearly and respectfully to your landlord.
Consider writing a polite but firm note or having a calm conversation with your landlord, explaining how you appreciate his concern, but you’d prefer it if he could stop to inform you before visiting.
Remember, your safety and comfort are paramount. If you feel that the situation is becoming too much or you don’t feel safe, don’t hesitate to reach out to authorities or organisations to provide assistance.
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