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Borla man —Part Two

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‘But, er …. I don’t even know your name’.

‘Paul. Paul Allotey. I’m Sarah, by the way. Paul, why don’t you leave me here, since this is the last important thing I’m doing today’.

‘Okay. Now Sarah. I was just thinking. You will be here at the cafe for about an hour. By then it will be about twelve thirty. Then, you would be thinking of buying yourself some lunch, to eat here or to take home. So if you would please allow me, I will take you to one of the nicest eating places in town, and after you have sorted that one out, then I can drop you home. Just that one errand, then I won’t bother you again’.

‘You are not bothering me at all. You are being very kind to me. And I just realised you are a mind reader too. The last item on my agenda was lunch’.

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‘I’m so glad I appeared at your doorstep, just in time’.

‘Okay. Now Paul, since you say the cafe is a comfortable place, let’s go in together, and you can do your work while I get my application done’.

‘Okay, Sarah. Thanks. Let’s go’.

We got back in the car at eleven forty-five.

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‘So where are we going, Paul?’

‘To Royalty restaurant. It’s a twenty minute drive away’.

‘So, do you enjoy your job?’

‘Most certainly. I won’t change it, not even to be President. And am I right to say that you are preparing to enter the university?’

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‘That’s my plan. I hope it works’.

‘It will, if you are determined, and disciplined. You look very much like a disciplined person’.

‘Thank you very much’.

We arrived at Royalty in twenty-five minutes, ‘You are joining me for lunch, Paul’.

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‘Thanks for the honour, Sarah. But the bill is on me’.

‘Aren’t you taking on too much for one day?’

‘I never do anything that is bigger than me, Sarah’.

Over the next hour and a half, we discussed fashion, local and international politics, and sports, as we ate and relaxed. Finally, he drove me to the shop.

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‘I will never forget you, Paul’.

‘I’m glad to have been helpful. But if you don’t mind, I’ll say it again, your husband is extremely lucky. You are really beautiful’.

‘Thanks again. But do you mind if I call you sometime in the future?’

‘Certainly not. Let me write it here. I will not ask for your number, for obvious reasons. But I will be looking forward to hearing from you. And hopefully, I will see you next month, when I call to drop your bill’.

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‘Okay Paul. See you then’. What a lovely day, I said to myself as I opened the front door. I closed the shop and got home by seven. I went straight to the bedroom, stood in the mirror and took a good look at myself. ‘You are a very beautiful woman, Sarah. Never forget that’. I will not forget that, again.

Over the next several weeks, Martin and I had very little to do with each other. In the morning he ate his breakfast and after a shabby ‘I’m going’, he left. He came home around eight at the earliest, ate his dinner and, already soaked in beer, went off to sleep.

He spent the greater part of the weekends at the club house with his friends, playing tennis and partying. My mind was focused on furthering my education, so I didn’t complain to him, and didn’t bother to inform my parents about what was happening. I had decided that I would only take action if he lifted his hand against me again. I spent my free time reading all manner of interesting stuff on the internet, and chatting with my sister on WhatsApp.

One evening, he came home at about eight, rushed to the bedroom and rushed out. An envelope, obviously containing money, dropped out of his pocket, and I picked it up and followed him. I was going to call him and give it to him, but I noticed that there was a young woman in the car, so I went back in, counted it and put it in a drawer in the hall. He came back after some ten minutes.

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‘Excuse me, I dropped an envelope containing money. You must have seen it’.

‘Yes, I saw it. Actually, I followed you, and was about to call you and hand it over to you when I realised that there was a woman in the car, so I came back in. I counted it. One thousand cedis.

‘Well let me have it. I have to be going’.

‘I will let you have it if you will tell me who the woman in the car is, and why you are going to give her that amount of money’.

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‘Listen, if you waste my time, I will teach you a lesson you will never forget. Give me the money now!’

‘Here’s what we will do, Martin. I know you will give money to her anyway, so I will give it to you, if you will withdraw the threat you just issued. But I want you to know that I will be taking some steps from tomorrow. Things are getting out of hand’.

‘Okay, I’m sorry I threatened you. Can you please give me the money’. I handed it over to him, and he ran out’.

The following morning, I waited for him to finish having breakfast, and told him I wanted to have a word with him urgently.

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‘You better be quick. You know I’m going to work’.

‘Well, I want to inform you that I will inform my parents, and your parents, about the situation in this house. As I said yesterday, things are getting out of hand. You spend most of your time drinking. You get drunk every evening, and through the weekend. And you are also spending your time and money on a prostitute’.

‘How dare you? One more stupid word from you …’

‘Am I lying, Martin? You have just started life, yet you are behaving like a rich, elderly man who has already seen his children through university, and can afford a life of fun. As I said, I’m going to inform our parents. Maybe your parents can straighten you out before it is too late’.

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‘Look, we can talk this evening. It’s nothing like what you are saying’. He walked away, shocked.

That evening, I was expecting to have a meaningful discussion with him, but his mother called early in the evening to offer me some ‘advice’. Her son had called to say that certain developments at home were disturbing him so much that they were beginning to affect his work.

And, ‘as a loving mother to her daughter’, she was advising me to submit to my husband, and support him in prayer, and not ‘drive him from home’. Men would always be men, and she was telling me ‘from experience’ that no matter how much time Martin stayed away from home, he would always come home to me.

She had been a young wife before, so she understood the challenges I was facing. So I could be assured that if I followed her advice, all would be well. And, of course, she didn’t allow me to tell my side of the story.

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Martin came home very late, and very drunk. And from the next morning, he carried on as before. With some hesitation, I called my dad and told him all that had gone on.

‘Well, my daughter. I’m not going to say “I told you so”. I was only trying to protect you. So here’s what we’ll do. Continue doing the best you can, and try not to give him any excuse to harm you, but if things continue to deteriorate, I will take you back.

A couple of days later, my cousin Dinah arrived in Accra from Brussels, having completed her medical course. With Martin’s agreement, I went to Koforidua and spent a couple of days. I spent most of the time chatting about her experiences in the US, but we also discussed my relationship with Martin, and she endorsed Dad’s decision to take action if Martin’s behaviour did not change after two weeks Elaine informed Mom and Dad. We endorsed Dad’s decision to take action if there was no change in two weeks.

Dinah returned with me to Takoradi. Her plan was to spend a couple of weeks, and return to Accra to be posted. I called Paul Allotey, and asked if he would meet her for lunch and, if possible, show her some interesting spots. Delighted, he suggested that we meet at Royalty the next day.

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I told Martin about it, to remove any possibility of future disagreement over ‘going out with men’.

‘It’s fine with me’, he said, ‘if, of all the people who could show your sister round this town, you chose a borla man. Doesn’t that indicate the kind of person you are?’

‘ First of all, Martin’, I’ve spoken to him a few times, and he comes across as a decent guy, so I think it is rather unfortunate that you are writing him off when you don’t know him’.

By Ekow de Heer

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Confronting newborn abandonment in Ghana: When a cry for help is heard in a dustbin – Part 2

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An abandoned baby

The root causes: It is never just one reason

My years of counselling at CPAC show me abandonment is rarely an act of malice. It is the tragic endpoint of seven overwhelming distresses:

1. Severe maternal mental illness —The hidden emergency

a) Clinical Postpartum Depression (PPD): This is far beyond “baby blues.” It is a severe mood disorder that can appear weeks to months after birth. Due to a massive drop in hormones, extreme sleep deprivation, and emotional exhaustion, the mother feels deep sadness, worthlessness, and complete emotional numbness towards her baby. Picture: A new mother sits by her bed all day, staring blankly. Her baby cries for hours, but she cannot lift her hands to carry the baby. She whispers, “This baby would be better off without me.” She does not hate the baby; she feels she has completely failed as a mother.

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b) Peripartum Psychosis (Postpartum Psychosis): This is a psychiatric emergency. Rare but extremely dangerous, appearing suddenly within the first 2-3 weeks after delivery. The mother completely loses touch with reality. She hears commanding voices telling her to abandon the baby, or believes the baby is possessed by an evil spirit or is a “spirit child” who will bring a curse. Picture: A mother genuinely believes she heard a voice saying, “Leave this child at the crossroads at midnight or your family will die.” She abandons the baby not out of hatred, but because her broken mind believes she is obeying a higher spiritual order to save her family.

c) Pre-existing untreated Schizophrenia: This is a chronic, severe mental disorder that existed before the pregnancy. The stress of pregnancy and labour shatters her fragile coping. She suffers from paranoid delusions — believing people want to poison her and the baby — flat affect (zero facial expression), and grossly disorganised thinking, making it impossible to plan how to feed or clean a baby. Picture: A young woman whose family called her illness “spiritual attack” instead of taking her for medication wanders away after delivery, completely forgetting she even gave birth, leaving the infant behind.

2. Extreme socio-economic deprivation: For many girls in some parts of Ghana such as Kasoa, Madina, or Bekwai, poverty is not a statistic; it is a daily panic. No money for antenatal care, no money for hospital delivery, no money for baby diapers or formula. When a mother cannot feed herself, the thought of feeding another mouth feels impossible. Some mothers say, “I left her where someone richer would find her, because I could not watch her starve to death in my hands.” It is a distorted act of survival.

3. Intense societal stigma and shame: In Ghana, pregnancy outside marriage, teenage pregnancy, or pregnancy from rape can bring extreme family rejection. The girl is called “spoilt,” beaten, banned from church, or sacked from school. The fear of bringing shame to the family name is heavier than the fear of police. So she hides the pregnancy for 9 months, delivers alone, and abandons in secret to protect her family’s “honour.”

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4. Paternal abandonment — The Man Who Ran Away: Behind almost every abandoned baby is a man who vanished. He says, “It is not mine,” or “Abort it,” and switches off his phone. The mother is left utterly isolated — no emotional, financial, or social support. She is criminalised alone, but the abandonment started with him. Psychological research shows paternal denial is one of the strongest predictors of maternal panic and newborn abandonment. 

5. Substance abuse disorders: Alcohol, tramadol, and other drug addiction impair the brain’s executive functioning — the ability to plan, judge consequences, and process emotions. A mother struggling with addiction may give birth in a highly intoxicated or withdrawal state, unable to comprehend the needs of the newborn, leading to neglect and eventual abandonment.

6. The spirit child cultural phenomenon and superstition: In some remote pockets of Northern Ghana and even in few parts of Central and Ashanti regions, public health research shows babies born with congenital deformities, severe disabilities, or whose mothers die in childbirth are branded as “spirit children” or cursed. In extreme instances, families, under cultural pressure, mandate that such babies be exposed or abandoned at shrines or bushes. This is not mental illness, but a harmful cultural belief system that still kills.

The invisible wounds

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On the baby: Risk of death from hypothermia, sepsis, and infection. Survivors suffer Anaclitic Depression and Failure to Thrive due to lack of touch. As adults, they battle Reactive Attachment Disorder, chronic mistrust, and identity crisis — “Why did my mother leave me in a dustbin?”

On the mother: Lifelong hidden grief, intense guilt, chronic PTSD, depression, and elevated suicide risk. A prison cell does not heal this.

On the nation: Overburdened orphanages like Osu Children’s Home, draining health budgets, and overworked Social Welfare officers.

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A righteousness revolution (Part 1)

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“There is no one righteous, not even one; there is no one who understands; no one seeks God. But now a righteousness from God, apart from law, has been made known, to which the Law and the Prophets testify.  This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ, to all who believe. For there is no difference;Rom. 3:10, 21-22. (NIV)

Introduction

Dictionaries define righteousness as “behavior that is morally justifiable or right.” Such behavior is characterized by accepted standards of morality, justice, virtue, or uprightness. The Bible’s standard of human righteousness is God’s own perfection in every attribute, every attitude, every behavior, and every word. Thus, God’s laws, as given in the Bible, both describe His own character and constitute the plumb line by which He measures human righteousness.

The bad news is that true and perfect righteousness is not possible for man to attain on his own; the standard is simply too high. The good news is that true righteousness is possible for mankind, but only through the cleansing of sin by Jesus Christ and the indwelling of the Holy Spirit. We have no ability to achieve righteousness in and of ourselves. But Christians possess the righteousness of Christ, because  For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” – 2 Corinthians 5:21. This is an amazing truth. On the cross, Jesus exchanged our sin for His perfect righteousness so that we can one day stand before God and He will see not our sin, but the holy righteousness of the Lord Jesus.

Establishing our hearts in righteousness

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“Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life” – Proverbs 4:23

According to the above verse in Proverbs, our heart is the source of our life. Our life flows from our heart. The Holy Spirit resides in the spirit of the born again Christian. So there is a strong influence of the Holy Spirit in the heart of the new-born Christian. But our heart is also comprised of our soul. As Christians we can choose to focus our soul on the Lord, or on evil things. If we focus on corrupt, immoral, and evil things our heart will be affected detrimentally. It will cause our heart to be crooked or wicked, instead of straight or righteous. So the Scripture says to keep, or guard, our heart. It is wise to protect our heart as what we allow to dominate our heart will inevitably become the fruit, or influence the outcome, of our lives.

One way to approach life is to continually ask the question, “How will this decision or action affect my heart?” Everything we do, every thought we entertain, everything we watch, read, or listen to, shapes our heart. Therefore, the future prosperity of our life will flow from how well we care for our heart.

Think of everything you do, every moment of time, as a seed. We have been given responsibility for choosing which seeds to plant in our heart. What will you grow in the garden of your heart? What seeds will you choose? Our heart is our garden, and our life is the fruit of our garden. So next time you are tempted to dwell on a bad thought, think, “Do I want this seed to grow and manifest in my life?” Next time you are tempted to indulge in a sinful action ask yourself, “Do I want the extension, or fruit, of this sinful action to be what I am known for?”

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God gives us the freedom to plant whatever we like in our garden. God loves us regardless of the good or bad choices we may make in our lives. You may be reaping the fruit of some poor choices right now. And God is still saying, “I love you.” But He has wise advice for us; He desires we have a good life. He says, “Guard you heart with all diligence.” This Hebrew word translated ‘diligence’ conveys the meanings of: prison and guard (ibid). A superintendant of a prison is very particular as to what goes in and out of his prison. A prison has very tight security. Just as a superintendant watches over his prison, so we should also supervise our heart (our lives). We should exercise meticulous security with regards to what enters into our heart. Actually, even what comes out of it, as the Scripture says, “ Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath”James 1:19, as For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.Matthew 12:34b.

If what goes into, and what comes out of, our heart determines the success of our lives, what is the first important principle to establish in our heart?  “In righteousness you shall be established;” – Isaiah 54:14

Righteousness is the key foundational truth we need to first establish in our heart. Jesus said, But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.Matthew 6:33. Notice Jesus said, “His righteousness”, not our own righteousness. We have to seek and understand God’s righteousness. Isaiah 54:14 says, “Their righteousness is of me, saith the Lord.” God’s righteousness comes from God, not from within us. Humans cannot make themselves God’s righteousness, as all humans have sinned and are therefore inferior to God. God’s righteousness is a gift from God:  For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” – 2 Corinthians 5:21

Righteousness, or right standing with God, has been attained for us through the exchange Jesus made on our behalf. Jesus took our sin and gave us His righteousness. God’s righteousness is imparted to us when we are made a new creature in Christ – 2 Corinthians 5:17. This righteousness is a gift from God and undeserved by us: “For if by the one man’s offense death reigned through the one, much more those who receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness will reign in life through the One, Jesus Christ.”- Romans 5:17

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Through our faith in Jesus’ blood, shed to remit our sins – Romans 3:25, God imparts righteousness to us by His grace. We actually become a new righteous creation, fully identifying in Jesus’ death, burial, resurrection and ascension. This is the foundational miracle we need to understand and have established in our heart. All the other miraculous promises of God come the same way, by God’s grace through faith. Righteousness must be established in our heart for us to truly have faith to receive our rich inheritance in Christ. Jesus has been made unto us righteousness (1 Corinthians 1:30). We are now For all the promises of God in Him are Yes, and in Him Amen, to the glory of God through us”. 2 Corinthians 1:20

Establishing our minds in righteousness

God expects that, when we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, we will be radically changed. In Romans 12:2 He tells us, And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind,

This transformation is to be a metamorphosis, of a magnitude at least comparable to that by which a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. He expects us to become totally different.

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Scripture uses many different images to express the change that should occur:  We become “a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.2 Cor 5:17. It is almost as if we become a new species. Scripture speaks of the “first Adam” who was earthly and fell into sin, and the “second Adam” (Jesus Christ) who was sinless and holy – Rom. 5:12-19; 1 Cor 15:44-49.

We are “made new in the attitude of our minds” – Eph. 4:23.

We “put off our old self” and “put on the new self” – Eph. 4:22,24; Col 3:9-10.

We “live by the Spirit” and not by the flesh – Gal. 5:16; Rom 8:13.

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We become “instruments of righteousness” rather than “instruments of wickedness” – Rom. 6:13.

Each of these metaphors, in a different way, emphasizes the magnitude of the change that is expected. Each is dramatic and astonishing in itself; their cumulative effect is even more powerful. We are talking about a tremendous transformation. It should be visible to others, but its internal effect should be far greater than what others can perceive.

The goal of this transformation

What is the goal of this metamorphosis? Scripture states it in a number of different ways, which overlap and can be seen as different ways of expressing the same basic concept. Scripture often does this, because our minds are inadequate to comprehend, and our language inadequate to express, the full scope of God’s revelation to us.

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To be continued!

Stay blessed!

For further inquiries please contact us on Tel Nos. 0243588467 or 0268130615

Email:  saltnlightministries@gmail.com

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Website: saltandlightministriesgh.org     

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