Obaa Yaa
My husband is not affectionate
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 25-year-old woman and have been married for two years. Since I gave birth to our second child, I have noticed a painful change in my husband. He no longer shows me affection the way he used to. Instead, he’s been openly flirting with a younger girl in our area, and it is breaking my heart.
Some of my friends say it is because I have gained weight after having two children. They even suggest I stop breastfeeding my three-month-old baby, claiming it will make my breasts sag and make me look less attractive.
I am devastated. I love my children and want to care for them fully, but I also want to save my marriage. Is it true that my body changes are the reason he is drifting away? Or is there something deeper going on? I am confused, hurt, and unsure of what to do next.
— Chelsea, Dansoman
Dear Chelsea,
Breasts are for nurturing, not for judgment. Your body has done something beautiful by giving life; that is not a flaw. The advice to stop breastfeeding to “look better” is harmful and unnecessary. Your child’s health and wellbeing come first.
Your husband’s behaviour reflects his own choices, not your worth. If he is drifting, the answer is not for you to shrink yourself or sacrifice your wellbeing. You are still worthy of love, respect, and care just as you are.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am currently pregnant, but the father of my child is a Christian while my religion is Islam. We are not married, and this situation makes me worried about what will happen next.
I am unsure about what to do regarding my religious background and my family. I want to know what steps I should take vis-à-vis my pregnancy, my relationship with the father of the baby, and how to handle our different religions since we are not married.
Zulia, Ashaiman.
Dear Zulia,
This is a very real and difficult situation, and your concerns are completely understandable. You are currently dealing with your relationship, religion, and family expectations.
Take your health seriously by attending antenatal appointments regularly because no matter what happens with the relationship, your pregnancy deserves care and stability. You can also seek emotional support from someone you trust.
Take time to reflect, seek guidance from a trusted religious leader or counsellor, and involve supportive family. This could guide you based on your specific circumstances.
Have an honest conversation with the father about responsibilities and intentions. You are not alone, and this situation does not define your future.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
My husband got another woman pregnant when we haven’t even thought of having a child. He came to confess to me and asked me to forgive him, I forgave him. It was very hard. Our marriage was less than a year old. We had planned to enjoy our marriage for two years before thinking about making babies.
I forgave him because I didn’t want the embarrassment that comes with it. I was even the one who advised him not to tell anyone about it. It was our little secret, and I encouraged him to take care of the child and the mother.
Two years later, I was pregnant when I discovered another woman was pregnant for my husband. I nearly miscarried as my heart started beating out of rhythm. When I asked him, he confessed. He broke down and cried with me while begging me not to make it an issue.
He said the devil was involved, so I should pray for him. He swore it would never happen again. I was scared for my health and the health of the baby I was carrying, so I decided to forgive and save myself the trouble. That was the hardest decision I’d ever taken in my life, but then again, he was my husband, so I had to forgive him.
My baby was only four months old when I discovered my husband had again impregnated the first woman he got pregnant. It was the woman who called to tell me their second child was on the way. I don’t know why she did that, but I felt so disrespected and broken. Before my husband came home, I had packed out of the house.
I’m in court seeking divorce. My husband is still begging me to change my mind, but I’ve seen the height and depth of shame, and I don’t think I was born to experience this kind of humiliation. Obaa Yaa, did I do the right thing?
Kafui, Kpando.
Dear Kafui,
I am still processing everything you’ve been through. Your husband’s actions are not your fault, and you’ve shown incredible strength and forgiveness. However, it’s clear he’s not respecting your boundaries or marriage.
Leaving the house might be a sign that you are done, and that’s okay. You have tried to forgive and save the marriage, but he keeps hurting you. Your well-being and mental health should be your priority, especially given your past pregnancy complications.
You deserve respect and loyalty in your marriage. Reach out to a trusted family member or a counsellor for support. I believe it is time to consider what’s best for you.
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