Obaa Yaa
My husband is not affectionate
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 25-year-old woman and have been married for two years. Since I gave birth to our second child, I have noticed a painful change in my husband. He no longer shows me affection the way he used to. Instead, he’s been openly flirting with a younger girl in our area, and it is breaking my heart.
Some of my friends say it is because I have gained weight after having two children. They even suggest I stop breastfeeding my three-month-old baby, claiming it will make my breasts sag and make me look less attractive.
I am devastated. I love my children and want to care for them fully, but I also want to save my marriage. Is it true that my body changes are the reason he is drifting away? Or is there something deeper going on? I am confused, hurt, and unsure of what to do next.
— Chelsea, Dansoman
Dear Chelsea,
Breasts are for nurturing, not for judgment. Your body has done something beautiful by giving life; that is not a flaw. The advice to stop breastfeeding to “look better” is harmful and unnecessary. Your child’s health and wellbeing come first.
Your husband’s behaviour reflects his own choices, not your worth. If he is drifting, the answer is not for you to shrink yourself or sacrifice your wellbeing. You are still worthy of love, respect, and care just as you are.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I PROPOSED to a lady I have always admired during our university days. Interestingly, this woman was so much into me as well.
The only thing she always asks from a man is a gold chain, a new dress and sandals close to GH₵2,000.
According to her, if the man is able to get her all these items listed, then it is a win and yes for the man.
She demands these things because of the way a man treated her. Her argument is that if I should decide to end this relationship, she would have had something from me at least.
Obaa Yaa, is it worth venturing into?
Kelvin, Ofankor.
Dear Kelvin,
ANY love affair that is based on money or exchange of money for love or sex is an affair that begins on a wrong premise.
Such an affair is conditional and would encounter challenges sooner or later, because it is not grounded on mutual love and affection.
Besides, you are a student, how are you going to afford the gold chain? It looks as if this whole relationship would stress you. I will advise you to stay away from the lady.
Though you didn’t state your age in the letter, I plead with you to give yourself some time and relax. The beautiful one’s are not yet born.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
MY wife is a trader. She travels frequently to a neighbouring country almost every two weeks for two days.
While she was away, her step-sister comes over to do some cooking for me.
I have noticed that her step-sister has been making advances at me.
Recently, she entered the bathroom while I was in there, and realised I was bathing. She stood looking at me until I threw some water at her.
I intend to tell my wife about her sister’s behaviour, but friends say this may cause tension between the sisters. I need your view.
Ben, Togo.
Dear Ben,
IT is true that such revelation to your wife will cause some tension between the two sisters.
You can also sit your sister-in-law down and give her a stern warning. Let her understand that you intend to report her to her sister if she makes that mistake again.
Then you will have to see how you can arrange with your wife for her to cook enough food to store while she is away for those two days. If necessary, you may have to buy a fridge or freezer for that purpose. In that case, there would be no need for your sister-in-law to come and stay over. You will also have to take good care of the children if there are any.
A marriage only works when those involved are prepared to make sacrifices.
However, if after this arrangement this woman should persist with her advances, then bring the matter out into the open and let your wife and her family know about it.
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