Obaa Yaa
Financial requests are overwhelming
I am a lady in my late thirties. My biological parents are alive and kicking but none of them seems to care about whatever happens in my life. I do not live with them at the moment as I have managed to secure a job and now live at my own residence in another town.
They do not seem concerned about my wellbeing. All they do is ask for money anytime they call me on phone. Although they both played their roles in the early stages of my growth, I managed to further my education to the tertiary level without any financial support from them. In the past months, I have had different forms of financial request from my mother and father, some of which included the request on me to transfer money for them to complete
their building project, request to support a funeral at my hometown, among other monetary demands.
Since I became an adult, I have never had any form of advice from them on how to live the rest of my life. The financial requests seem to be their main focus and I am beginning to wonder whether I was born purposely for a ‘philanthropic mission’ in my family, especially towards my mother and father. Please advise me on this issue.
Mavis, Adukrom
Dear Mavis,
You sound overwhelmed by the financial commitments you make to your parents and that is understandable especially when your income may not be sufficient to meet all their needs. It is not a bad idea to support your parents as there is blessing in reaching out to them.
However, you should as much as possible respond to the requests that are within your means so you do not feel overburdened. Do communicate your challenges to them in a respectful manner so they understand that you may not be able to meet all their demands.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We live on a compound with five flats, and I am struggling with the looks I get from my neighbours every morning. The way they stare at me feels so horrible.
My husband moans so loud during sex, and this happens almost every day. I always try to cover up but he always finds a way to keep making noise. He screams my name very loudly.
We have not yet completed our own house, and it will not be happening anytime soon. Please, how do I get him to stop all this excessive moans? I am so ashamed to move around the compound. The worst part is that my compound neighbours always see me when I am coming in or going out. Sometimes they avoid me and give me some looks, gossiping about me. Obaa Yaa, what should I do?
Adzo, Keta.
Dear Adzo,
What you are experiencing is quite embarrassing and emotionally painful.
Your feelings are completely valid. You are not doing anything wrong, immoral, or indecent.
The situation continues not because of your actions, but because your husband is ignoring your repeated pleas for privacy and dignity.
A loving and considerate spouse does not trivialise such distress. You need to have one final, calm but firm conversation with him outside the bedroom, making it clear that this behaviour of his is hurting you and must stop.
At the same time, set a clear boundary: if the noise continues, you will not feel comfortable being intimate with him when others can hear.
This is not punishment; it is self-protection. You can also reduce exposure temporarily by closing windows, adding background music, and choosing more private times.
Hold your head up and remember you have done nothing disgraceful. If your husband still refuses to change, seek marital counselling or a trusted mediator he respects. You deserve privacy, respect, and emotional safety in your marriage.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 23 year old lady, a national service person, who have just been posted to a remote town in the Northern Region to serve as a supervisor for a health facility.
After a very long and tiring search, I got a room to rent at an affordable price. My landlord is a male, and for some time now, he has been coming over without my invitation.
He comes at odd times and very late in the evenings, with the excuse of checking on me. Sometimes, I could just be in my room; the door opens and there he is. I am so uncomfortable with this situation and I wish he could stop, but I do not know how to tell him.
I fear he might become offended. I don’t feel safe in my own space since I stepped foot into the compound. I need some privacy!
Juanita, Tamale.
Dear Juanita,
I can feel your discomfort and concern. It’s understandable that you’re feeling vulnerable in this situation. Your safety and privacy are important, and you have every right to set boundaries.
It is very essential to communicate your concerns clearly and respectfully to your landlord.
Consider writing a polite but firm note or having a calm conversation with your landlord, explaining how you appreciate his concern, but you’d prefer it if he could stop to inform you before visiting.
Remember, your safety and comfort are paramount. If you feel that the situation is becoming too much or you don’t feel safe, don’t hesitate to reach out to authorities or organisations to provide assistance.
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