Obaa Yaa
Should I hold on?
I started dating a young lady about four months ago and our relationship seems to be progressing well. I am not someone who is too clingy as l prefer to create enough space for my partner to do what she pleases. But I have noticed a worrying trend in my new girlfriend. She stays up late on her phone anytime she visits me and would text all night.
Her posture prompted me to snoop on her phone and I have ‘intercepted’ her communication with multiple persons which cannot be described as a ‘friendly chat’. I have not confronted her yet but I noticed she had since changed the password to her phone.
Unlike other chat mates on her phone, she replies to my text messages with short and straightforward answers which I sometimes find quite insulting and derogatory. I am beginning to have second thoughts about our relationship but I still want to hold on for a while. Am I making the right decision or should call it to quit?
Worried Mathias, Sakumono
Dear Mathias,
This is the time to give your partner some ‘space’ as you have rightly indicated in your submission. The relationship is still young and perhaps your partner is still considering other options at the moment. Though her conduct may not be too appropriate, you need to ‘withdraw’ from her a bit. Limit how often you check on her and if she truly loves you, she may express concern about your ‘withdrawal’.
Also, draw her attention to her late-night conversations and if she does not show any signs of ending amorous conversations with other people online, then you can equally advise yourself to end the relationship as quickly as possible. Don’t be a beggar for her attention and love in the relationship. Besides, you cannot change a person who is not willing to change.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I took off my wedding rings but could not find it again. I was washing when I took them off and placed them on a wall close to me. Honestly, after washing I forgot to pick them up until the evening, when my husband asked where my ring were, I quickly dashed out of the room to check where I had placed them, but they were not there. My husband made it clear that I was cheating that was why I could take my rings off and lose them.
I was packing to leave the house when the bags fell and I heard a tinkling sound of metals instead of plastic. I looked around the floor, and my rings were lying there.
Who took the rings and kept them there and why would the person do that to me just to shake the foundation of my marriage?
Oye, Tabora.
Dear Oye,
Your husband’s reaction was abusive, not just angry. Accusing you of cheating was just mean.
Rings don’t prove fidelity, trust does. Your response was fair: taking rings off to wash is normal, and cheating has nothing to do with it.
The fact that the rings ‘mysteriously’ ended up in your bags suggests someone moved them deliberately to cause conflict. A partner who jumps to punishment instead of problem-solving will do it again when the next misunderstanding happens.
If indeed your husband threatened and pushed you out, kindly talk to someone you trust in the family or a counsellor before moving back in. If you choose to stay, your husband needs to apologise and let peace to reign.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My life started falling apart the very day I got married. I started experiencing a series of unfortunate events, which nearly broke me.
In the first year into our marriage, I lost a very lucrative job when my wife was pregnant.
I was scheduled for an interview at the Korle-Bu Teaching Hospital.
Immediately I got down from a taxi, out of nowhere, a motorbike at full speed knocked me down. I broke my leg and was admitted to the hospital for three months.
I lost the opportunity for the breakthrough. Since then, things have become difficult for my family. Is my problem spiritual or what?
Mawuli, Keta.
Dear Mawuli,
Stop linking your hardships to your wedding. Job loss, accidents, and unemployment are painful situations but that doesn’t mean your marriage is cursed.
In life, there are misfortunes and I urge you to continue to pray hard and wait upon the lord.
Focus on what you can control right now: your health, your finances, and your mental health.
Focus on your leg, take any work to build momentum, and consider therapy to break the “everything is a spiritual attack” cycle. Talk honestly with your wife; you two are a team, not the problem.
