Relationship
Ways to be emotionally available (final part)
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Talk to someone
Have you ever tried talking to a friend about your struggle to open up? Sharing your struggles can make the burden lighter and feel less heavy. But if you already tried this and it didn’t work, you can talk to a counsellor.
There’s nothing wrong with you just because you speak with a professional about this. If you really want to know how to be emotionally available and have a healthy coping mechanism, talking to a counsellor is a very responsible and mature thing to do.
Change your mindset
You might’ve heard this already, but we’ll say it again. Your mindset is so powerful that it can control everything, including handling relationships and dealing with emotions. So if you have a negative mindset, then you’ll naturally be distant and unavailable.
If you want to let down your walls and learn to open up to others, you need to change your mindset. Stop thinking that everyone is out to hurt you because that isn’t true. Your present does not equate to your past, ever.
Discuss your fears with your partner
To stop your tendency of being distant, you need to be reassured that your fears won’t happen. So you need to have the courage to tell your partner your fears and talk about this with them. Also, if something triggers your emotional distance, tell them about it and maybe, they can also do something to avoid that trigger.
For instance, if you’re only distant in intense arguments like yelling, your partner could be aware of this and avoid resorting to that altogether.
Set boundaries
Boundaries will always be important in relationships, especially if you want to learn how to be emotionally available. They help keep the respect in the relationship.
For example, if you tend to become distant when you become too giving because you fear they’re taking you for granted, then set boundaries. It doesn’t mean you love them less, but you’re just respecting yourself enough.
So, how to be emotionally available?
You can practise opening up to others by taking this slowly instead of rushing things. Remember that letting go of your walls will be a tricky thing, especially if it’s your coping mechanism when hurt.
Focus on your goal, which is learning to be emotionally available, and you’ll get there eventually.
Learning how to be emotionally available won’t happen overnight. But eventually, you’ll get better when you practise expressing your emotions and facing your fear of vulnerability.
1. Talk early and often
It is never too early to start talking with and listening to your children about the first day of school. Ask them what they think school will be like and see if they have any specific concerns so that you will have time to address it over the next couple of weeks. It is totally normal to have first day jitters.
2. Go to the orientation
If your child’s school is hosting an orientation or back-to-school night, take advantage of it. Often children are worried that they will not know how to get to the bathroom, where to eat lunch, or how to get to a locker. If your school does not offer one or you are unable to make it, ask the teacher if it would be possible to stop by for a visit. Teachers are usually in their classrooms prepping for the new school year in advance.
3. Meet the teacher
For kids, wondering if they will like their teacher is a big source of fear. If your child isn’t comfortable in the teacher’s classroom, he or she will be less likely to be ready to learn. Many teachers will make themselves available for a phone or video call or will return an email if a visit is not possible.
4. For younger children, read books or watch educational cartoons
In August, local libraries will often display books about starting school or going to a new school. These materials can help children read about and see what a typical day will consist of and what they will learn in school.
5. Take your kids shopping with you
Your kids will be more excited to use their back-to-school supplies if they picked them out. Doing so will help them feel prepared and will also provide an opportunity to talk about how the new supplies might be used in the coming year.
6. Set up school “zones” and establish clear expectations
At home, establish a location for school materials such as a place to put backpack and lunchbox, and set up a distraction-free homework zone (like the kitchen table with the TV turned off and phones/tablets put away). Set up homework and study times (for example, Monday–Thursday from 3:30–5 pm) to help manage expectations and build and maintain good routines.
7. Practice your new routine
Both children and adults can benefit from practicing the new school routine one to two weeks before school actually starts. Stage a morning dry run to see how long it takes you and your children to get out of the door in the morning. It will not only help you predict how early you and your kids need to get up, but your children will benefit from learning what to expect each weekday.
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Having a good relationship with your child’s teacher will make it easier for you to share concerns and work together to help your child thrive. Here are some tips for building a partnership. Here are some tips to help parents build a good relationship with their child’s teacher.
1. Meet with the teacher and staff early
Teachers are usually swamped at the start of the school year. But try to meet as soon as the teacher can. At your first meeting, find out how the teacher prefers to communicate it can be either by phone, email, or some other method.
2. Help the teacher get to know your child.
Sharing information is key to a good parent-teacher relationship. Tell the teacher about your child’s interests, strengths, and challenges. If your child has an special need, make the teacher a aware, and let the him or her know about situations outside of school that might impact your child’s learning or behaviour.
3. Be respectful of the teacher’s time.
Be on time for appointments, whether they are phone calls, video meetings, or parent-teacher conferences. Try to wrap things up within the allotted time. The teacher may have other parents scheduled after you or other meetings and commitments. You can always set up another call to finish up.
4. Recognise the teacher’s efforts.
If you are meeting in the classroom, look for displays of students’ work or teaching materials that you can compliment. If you are somewhere else, start things off with a positive statement, like something your child enjoys about the teacher’s class.
5. Never talk negatively about a teacher in front of your child.
Showing your respect for a teacher will set a good example for your child.
6. Participate in school events.
Take part in school events when possible. This shows that you’re part of the school community and want to be supportive. Offer to volunteer in a way that works for you, whether it’s at school or at home on your own time.
7. Say “thank you.”
Show your appreciation for the big or little things the teacher and other staff do for your child. Thank-you notes and emails can go a long way toward building positive relationships.
