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Waakye Girl- Part 2
She called him three weeks later. “David, I’m afraid things have not improved, a few days after we spoke, I went to him when he was preparing for bed, and told him that I had problems with his late hours, with his manner of speaking with me, and with the beatings.
He gave me a very nasty reply, he asked me to go and ask my father if he does not beat my mother when she misbehaves, and reminded me that in our town beating is the accepted means of disciplining your wife.
If I did not want him to beat me, then I should behave myself, and he concluded that many girls from my hometown would be happy to be living with a graduate like him.
The next day, he slapped me because I asked about a girl who had come to the house to ask of him. I went and complained to my parents, and they came to the house. He was drunk, and he was very rude to them.
He asked my father if he never beat his wife, and advised him to take me away if he did not agree to the discipline he is enforcing in his home. He started raining insults, and my dad warned him that if he spoke one more word of insult, he would rather discipline him, and he kept quiet.”
“Ah, so he fears something, great. Let’s see if the fear of your dad will get him to behave himself. But Stella, allow me to say this, you are a very beautiful girl, and I believe you have a great future ahead of you.
If your man has made it so clear what he would do to you in future, perhaps it would be a good idea to leave the relationship and get a good education. You already have a good WASSCE certificate, there are university courses for working people, even if you continue the relationship, and I suggest that you pursue education as a priority. I will share some information on university courses with you, and encourage you to follow up.”
“Thank God I spoke with you, David, I will take this up very seriously. I have always been interested in the accounting profession. Next time we talk, the story will be much different.” Stella, her two sisters and their parents were halfway through dinner.
“Papa,” she started softly but firmly, “I have to let you know that the relationship with Aperkeh is virtually over. It cannot work, so I am thinking of moving out as soon as possible. He slaps me anytime he thinks I have provoked him, and this provocation is just because I complain about his late hours, and his drinking.
In the last couple of weeks two girls have come to the house to look for him. In the last case I asked the girl what she wanted from him, and she said it was none of my business, and I said in that case I would not allow her to see him. He heard us arguing, and he came out, walked the girl a little further, and gave her money.
But what gets me most is the insults. He often says that he is not married to me, so I should go back to my parents’ house if I could not stay in his house on his terms. He and his friends derisively call me ‘Waakye Girl’, as if I have done something wrong by assisting my parents to run what is certainly a decent business.”
“My daughter’’, Mama started, “we certainly sympathise with the problem you are facing. Aperkeh has no right to hit you or insult you, and I am sure your father will go and speak to him again, and speak to his parents if necessary.
We approved of the relationship because, as we have said often, we are from the same village, and our two families go back a long way. We and his parents sat down to agree to the relationship, and we have been waiting for them to come and do the formalities to make you his wife. So what he is doing is very unfortunate.
But please note, Stella, that relationships sometimes start with difficulties, which are overcome in the course of time. He must undertake never to lay his hands on you again. I’m sure your dad will go and advise him on this, and if he proves difficult we will go and see his parents. But please, Stella, exercise a little patience, and allow us to make peace.”
“Stella”, her elder sister Nancy cut in, “I fully support what Mama is saying. There are problems in every relationship. As you know, my husband Robert was a drunkard with a gun in his mouth, always shooting insults. Yet thankfully, all that has changed, and we are now making progress. Please allow us to fix the problem. It will be okay.”
“My daughter”, Papa said, “I certainly sympathise with your situation. At this time, you and Aperkeh should be acquiring the basic necessities and preparing to start a family. The path he has embarked on is a destructive one. He may have fallen into bad company. He must be cautioned to straighten up quickly before it is too late. I will go there, tomorrow, and speak with him, and if necessary I will sit down with his father. This nonsense must stop. So don’t take any action that we will all regret later.
Allow me to sort things out. It is very unfortunate for him to try to justify his behaviour with the claim that in the past men beat their partner so he is justified for hitting you. He must be checked. I will go there and speak with him this evening.”
“Papa”, Patricia said, “we will go with you. When he sees all of us he will know we are serious about checking his behaviour. Stella, hold fire just a little and go back. You know the problems I have had with Ben. He is changing, and these days he even takes the kids to school and brings them back. All will be well.” “Okay”, Stella noted. “I will expect you tomorrow evening, and I hope your intervention works.”
Papa, Mama and the two girls went to the house the next evening and sat from six to nine, and were getting up to leave when Aperkeh drove in, parked the car, greeted and joined them. Fortunately, he was quite sober.
“Aperkeh”, Papa started, “we have waited for some time, and were about to leave. It’s late so I will cut the niceties and get straight to the point. I’m sure you know why we are here. My daughter tells me that things are not going so well in your relationship.
You know that before Stella joined you here, the two parents sat and agreed and gave our blessing to your relationship. We were expecting you to come and go through the formalities in due course. So what is happening now, if true, is unfortunate.
But let me hear from you, what problems you are having with my daughter, so that I ensure that the right thing is done.”
“Well, the main problem is her disrespect. She is very disrespectful and controlling. She confronts me every time I come home, demanding to know where I have been, and why I am late.
And she fights anyone who comes to see me. I have the right to receive visitors, and I don’t understand why she should prevent people from coming to see me. So I told her that if she does not want to live here on my terms then she should go back to her parents.”
“Aperkeh, I don’t think your last statement is right. Even though she is not legally your wife, according to our traditional custom she is your wife, because her parents and your parents sat down and approved of it.
You and Stella both stood before us and said you would enter into this relationship. So you should watch your words. But first, Stella, let me first ask you your response to the accusations he has made.”
“Papa, I have not confronted or fought him over anything. He regularly comes home after 10, most of the time drunk, and very often he does not eat the food I prepare for him. I usually wait till the next day, and try to tell him that he is too young to behave like this, and he responds by slapping me.
And I have a problem with girls coming here to see him, sometimes to collect money. Certainly, I don’t agree with this. Should I sit here and watch girls come and collect money from him? Can a young man at his level afford such a lifestyle?”
“Aperkeh, I think Stella’s concerns are valid. She is advising you to stop drinking, the late hours and what she fears are the beginning of relationships with girls. I am only here to make peace. If you think there is something you can do about her concerns, let’s make peace, so that you get on with the life ahead of you.
Or I can go and sit down with your father, who is virtually my brother, so that we solve the problem together.”
“There is no need to bring my father in this”, Aperkeh declared. “I have told her that I will not sit in my own house and allow her to control me. She either stays here on my terms, or she leaves.”
“If I get you correctly’, the elderly man said as he rose, “you want to be free to go out every evening and come home drunk, and to entertain girls here whilst she, the woman given to you by your own parents, looks on. Is that what you are saying?”
“Well, you are free to interpret it anyway you like. I have already said what I have said. She either stays here on my terms and conditions, or she gets out.”
“Okay, I get you. We are going. I’m taking my daughter away, now. Before going home I will stop by your parents’ home and tell them what transpired here. I am sure they will advise you on what to do.”
“You are free to do what you like. My parents cannot dictate for me. I am a grown man.”
Without warning, the elderly man turned to him and gave him a hefty slap which sent him crashing to the floor. He managed to stand, shocked as Stella and her family walked away.
By Ekow de Heer
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Conflict at work is more common than you might think. According to 2022 research by The Myers-Briggs Company, more than a third of the workforce reports dealing with conflict often, very often, or all the time in the workplace. The same report found that managers spend an average of four hours per week dealing with conflict, and nearly 25 per cent of people think their managers handle conflict poorly or very poorly.
Addressing a dispute might feel tense or awkward, but resolving the conflict is typically well worth it in the long run. Whether you’re trying to mediate conflict between colleagues or are directly involved, here are seven steps you can take to manage workplace conflict.
1. Don’t put it off
Facing conflict head-on is hard. However, waiting too long to address it can negatively impact your emotional well-being, focus, and the entire office environment. If you’re feeling angry, letting that emotion fester can also escalate it over time. This can make you less responsive to other points of view and make it harder to resolve the issue.
The sooner you can address the conflict, the better it will be for you, the person you disagree with, and your entire team.
2. Learn all you can about the problem
It’s important to determine the type of conflict you’re dealing with. Begin by considering the cause of the conflict. For example, ask yourself whether someone said something that upset you or if you have emotions of anger and resentment that stemmed from something that happened.
Then try to identify if it’s a task, relationship, value, or team conflict. Once you know what type of conflict it is, you can work to resolve it with specific tactics for that situation.
If you skip this step, you may waste time or escalate the situation further by trying to address issues irrelevant to the real conflict.
3. Actively listen
Listen attentively when people share their side of the story. Active listening is one of the most valuable professional skills you can possess. This type of listening involves not only hearing what the other person is saying but also listening to understand their point of view.
No matter your role in conflict, it’s easy to begin sharing your opinion with little regard for the other people involved. However, it’s important to learn about all sides of a disagreement to make well-informed decisions before drawing conclusions.
To reach a resolution, you must step back and prioritize listening over talking. Ultimately, that will encourage the other person to do the same when it’s your turn to speak. –source: betterup.com
Today, I focus on the Temple Of Praise Ministries International (TOP Church) in Helsinki, as I continue my description of personalities or institutions and their accomplishments as members of the Ghanaian Diaspora in Finland.
The TOP Church in Finland has seen significant strides and accomplishments that must be made known to the public. 
Some history
The Church was established in Finland in September 2016. Since its inception, it has steadily grown both spiritually and numerically, by the grace of God, as disclosed to me by Mr Matthew Anini Twumasi, the Presiding Elder of TOP’s branch in Finland. The TOP Church has other branches across Africa, Europe, and America.
The Church in Finland was founded with a vision to create a welcoming and dynamic community where people could experience God’s love and grace (see, www.topchurchfinland.org). According to Presiding Elder Matthew, the TOP Church operates within a unique environment where Christianity coexists with what is seen as a largely secular society.
Despite this, he submits, there are significant opportunities for outreach, unity, and demonstrating the love of Christ through service and community engagement.
Activities
Church services at the TOP Church are typically held on Sundays for the main worship. In addition, there are mid-week prayer sessions, Saturday prayer services, and a half-night service held on the last Friday of every month. “We also organise quarterly programs”, Elder Matthew added.
His impression of the Church so far has been positive. “It is a vibrant and welcoming community where members are committed to worship, fellowship, and supporting one another in faith”, he stated.
In sum, Elder Matthew said the Church continues to grow by God’s grace. “We remain hopeful and committed to spreading the Gospel, strengthening the faith of our members, and making a positive impact in society”, he continued.
Achievements
The TOP Church has a number of achievements and achievements. Some of the strengths include strong community bonds, cultural diversity, and deep commitment to spiritual growth.
I also remember that during the COVID-19 period, I heard that the TOP Church was one such bodies that hugely supported its members and others to cope with the situation.
According to Elder Matthew, the challenges facing the church include “adapting to cultural differences, engaging the younger generation, expanding outreach in a secular society, and securing a permanent place of worship”.
Role in the Ghanaian community in Finland
The TOP Church plays a prominent role as a religious group that serves Ghanaian migrants and others in the Finnish society.
Thus, the TOP Church is a religious body for Ghanaian migrants in Finland and other nationalities who want to worship with them for diversity and better intercultural and multicultural understanding.
The Church also has mechanisms in place to support its members who are bereaved as a way to commiserate with them in times of death and funerals.
The Ghanaian community has played a vital role in the growth of the Church. Their strong sense of fellowship, dedication to worship, and active participation have helped build a solid foundation and attract others to the ministry, according to Elder Matthew.
Integration
By its activities, the TOP Church is helping to ensure integration of its members well into the Finish society.
This is important since social interaction and citizens’ well-being are an important part of the integration process.
The role of migrant associations and groups such as TOP Church acting as bridge-builders for the integration and inclusion of migrants through participation in the decision making process and by acting as a representative voice is highly appreciated in Finland. Thank you!
GHANA MATTERS column appears fortnightly. Written in simple, layman’s terms, it concentrates on matters about Ghana and beyond. It focuses on everyday life issues relating to the social, cultural, economic, religious, political, health, sports, youth, gender, etc. It strives to remind us all that Ghana comes first. The column also takes a candid look at the meanings and repercussions of our actions, especially those things we take for granted or even ignore. There are key Ghanaian values we should uphold rather than disregard with impunity. We should not overlook the obvious. We need to search for the hidden or deeply embedded values and try to project them.
With Dr Perpetual Crentsil
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