Relationship
Some signs he only sees you as a backup plan
He doesn’t make an effort to plan your dates. HE really isn’t invested in the idea of getting close to you. Everyone knows that couples do get closer to each other through dates. It’s when two people spend time with each other where they really establish and build a connection together. But he’s not so interested in getting closer to you. He’s probably not so interested in getting to know you better at all. And that’s why he doesn’t put any effort into planning dates with you. For him, you can come and go as you please.
He makes it so hard for you to get a hold of him whenever you’re not together. He’s practically on another planet whenever you’re not together. He never makes it easy for you to reach him. The truth is that he doesn’t want to be reached at all. He’s spending time away from you because he would rather not be in your company. And that’s why he’s making it hard for you to reach him.
You find it so hard to get him to open up about anything. He isn’t going to want to tell you anything about his life at all. He will pretend to listen to you talk and talk about yourself as a person, but he isn’t going to return the favour.
He will do nothing to give away how he feels about you. He isn’t going to want you to know just how he feels about you. He doesn’t want you to know that he’s not all that interested in you. He wants to keep you on the leash, and so he will do just enough to make you think that you have a chance with him. But he isn’t going to give you too much to the point that you feel like you have him in the palm of your hand. He is always going to keep you guessing because he doesn’t want you to feel comfortable with him.
He looks more at his phone than he does at you when you’re together. Another sign that he just really isn’t invested in establishing a connection with you is when he is only on his phone for whatever time you spend together. He is frankly more interested in finding out about the things that are going on in his news feed than he is about the things that you might want to tell him. His phone gets more intimate time with him than you do.
He is very strict about his privacy with you. He doesn’t want to let you in because he doesn’t trust you enough. He doesn’t want you to feel like you are afforded an intimate spot in his life. He doesn’t want you to believe that you are unique to him at all. And that’s why he’s going to be very private and secretive with you. He will not want you to enter his apartment, or at the very least, he will not want you to spend the night. He won’t want you browsing through his phone or personal belongings. He doesn’t feel that level of comfort with you yet.
Source: dreamyhub.com
Raising kids is one of the toughest and most fulfilling jobs in the world -and the one for which you might feel the least prepared.
Here are nine child-rearing tips can help you feel more fulfilled as a parent.
- Boost your child’s self-esteem
Children start developing their sense of self as babies when they see themselves through their parents’ eyes. Your tone of voice, your body language, and your every expression are absorbed by your kids. Your words and actions as a parent affect their developing self-esteem more than anything else.
Praising accomplishments, however small, will make them feel proud; letting kids do things independently will make them feel capable and strong. By contrast, belittling comments or comparing a child unfavorably with another will make kids feel worthless.
Avoid making loaded statements or using words as weapons. Comments like “What a stupid thing to do!” or “You act more like a baby than your little brother!” cause damage just as physical blows do.
Choose your words carefully and be compassionate. Let your children know that everyone makes mistakes and that you still love them, even when you don’t love their behavior.
2. Catch children being good
Have you ever stopped to think about how many times you react negatively to your kids in a given day? You may find yourself criticising far more often than complimenting. How would you feel about a boss who treated you with that much negative guidance, even if it was well-intentioned?
The more effective approach is to catch kids doing something right: “You made your bed without being asked that’s terrific!” or “I was watching you play with your sister and you were very patient.” These statements will do more to encourage good behaviour over the long run than repeated scolding.
Make a point of finding something to praise every day. Be generous with rewards- your love, hugs, and compliments can work wonders and are often reward enough. Soon you will find you are “growing” more of the behavior you would like to see.
Marriage is meant to be a sanctuary – a place where two people feel safe, seen, and supported. But what happens when the person who promised “forever” slowly becomes the source of your deepest emotional wounds?
As a marriage counsellor and mental health professional in Accra, I sit with men who whisper, “I feel invisible in my own home,” or “I’m constantly blamed for things I didn’t do.” Often, these men are not describing a “difficult wife.” They are describing years of living with narcissistic patterns -patterns that don’t bruise the skin, but shatter the soul.
Let me be clear: Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Confidence is healthy. Pride is human. But narcissistic personality traits become destructive when they are consistent, rigid, and designed to control, manipulate, or diminish the other partner. Research from the American Psychological Association shows that emotional abuse from narcissistic partners can cause anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and even trauma symptoms similar to PTSD.
This article is not about demonising women. It is about naming pain so healing can begin. If you see yourself in these 7 red flags, know this: You are not weak, you are not crazy, and you are not alone.
What can you do if you see these red flags?
Naming the wound is the first step to healing it. Healing does not always mean divorce. Sometimes it means clarity, boundaries, and professional support. Here’s where to start:
1. Get professional clarity, not just advice
Friends may say “all women are like that.” They are not. A trained marriage counsellor or psychologist can help you separate personality traits from clinical patterns, and reality from manipulation. Clarity protects your mental health.
2. Set firm, calm boundaries
Boundaries are not attacks. They are fences around your dignity. Example: “I will not be insulted in public. If it happens, I will leave the room.” Boundaries teach people how to treat you.
3. Rebuild your support system
Narcissistic dynamics thrive in isolation. Reconnect with trusted male friends, mentors, family, or men’s support groups. You need voices outside the home to remind you that you are valuable.
4. Prioritise your mental and physical health
Therapy, exercise, prayer, journaling, medical check-ups — these are not selfish. They are survival tools. A wounded man cannot lead, love, or parent well. Heal yourself first.
5. Seek professional counselling or mediation, not war
If the marriage can be saved, a counsellor or ADR Expert/Arbitrator can create a structured, safe space for both partners to be heard. If it cannot, mediation protects children and assets from destructive conflict.
Final word to the man reading this
Brother, marriage should add to your life, not subtract from your sense of self. If you live daily with confusion, fear, and emotional emptiness, please hear me: You are not the problem for naming it. Silent wounds in marriage only heal when we bring them into the light.
You deserve a home where peace, not performance, is the atmosphere. Whether healing happens within the marriage through transformation and boundaries, or outside it through a safer separation, your mental health and dignity matter.
You are not alone. And you are not powerless.
Source:
Rev. Counsellor Prince Offei, founder of Counsellor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC), is a leading Mental Health Professional, Marriage Counsellor, Published Author, ADR Expert/Arbitrator, and Spectator Newspaper Columnist. He writes weekly on relationships, marriage, parenting, special needs support, and their connection to mental health and psychological well-being.
For therapy, counselling, mediation, or enquiries, contact Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC) or CPAC Africa ADR and Mediation Centre (CAAMC) in Accra on 0559850604 or 0551428486.
Websites: https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/website | https://princeoffei22.wixsite.com/author
