Relationship
Some signs he only sees you as a backup plan
He doesn’t make an effort to plan your dates. HE really isn’t invested in the idea of getting close to you. Everyone knows that couples do get closer to each other through dates. It’s when two people spend time with each other where they really establish and build a connection together. But he’s not so interested in getting closer to you. He’s probably not so interested in getting to know you better at all. And that’s why he doesn’t put any effort into planning dates with you. For him, you can come and go as you please.
He makes it so hard for you to get a hold of him whenever you’re not together. He’s practically on another planet whenever you’re not together. He never makes it easy for you to reach him. The truth is that he doesn’t want to be reached at all. He’s spending time away from you because he would rather not be in your company. And that’s why he’s making it hard for you to reach him.
You find it so hard to get him to open up about anything. He isn’t going to want to tell you anything about his life at all. He will pretend to listen to you talk and talk about yourself as a person, but he isn’t going to return the favour.
He will do nothing to give away how he feels about you. He isn’t going to want you to know just how he feels about you. He doesn’t want you to know that he’s not all that interested in you. He wants to keep you on the leash, and so he will do just enough to make you think that you have a chance with him. But he isn’t going to give you too much to the point that you feel like you have him in the palm of your hand. He is always going to keep you guessing because he doesn’t want you to feel comfortable with him.
He looks more at his phone than he does at you when you’re together. Another sign that he just really isn’t invested in establishing a connection with you is when he is only on his phone for whatever time you spend together. He is frankly more interested in finding out about the things that are going on in his news feed than he is about the things that you might want to tell him. His phone gets more intimate time with him than you do.
He is very strict about his privacy with you. He doesn’t want to let you in because he doesn’t trust you enough. He doesn’t want you to feel like you are afforded an intimate spot in his life. He doesn’t want you to believe that you are unique to him at all. And that’s why he’s going to be very private and secretive with you. He will not want you to enter his apartment, or at the very least, he will not want you to spend the night. He won’t want you browsing through his phone or personal belongings. He doesn’t feel that level of comfort with you yet.
Source: dreamyhub.com
Long-distance relationships can be intimidating, but they do not have to be. Whether with friends or a romantic partner, distance does not need to define your relationship.
The most important part of maintaining a healthy long-distance relationship is remembering to prioritise your needs and boundaries. By keeping these tips in mind, managing a long-distance situation can be a positive experience for everyone involved.
- Set aside time for daily or weekly check-ins
By establishing regular times for communication from the get-go, you and your friend or partner will be on the same page about how often you expect to hear from one another. Also remember, keep in mind the quality of your conversations. If you are re often arguing or you finish the majority of your interactions feeling unsatisfied or unhappy, it is time to re-evaluate if the relationship is still a positive one.
- Write letter or send surprise care packages
Taking the time to exchange letters with your loved one is a special way to enhance your connection and provide comfort and support.
The time it takes to write and mail a letter demonstrates to your friend or partner that you want to go the extra mile to show them you are thinking about them.
- Try a weekly video call
Even if you feel nervous about the idea of facetime or having a video chat, this type of communication can make you feel a bit closer to your friend or partner.
Prioritise setting boundaries for yourself, and ask your partner about their boundaries as well. If you find that your partner is often pushing you to have a video call so they can see where you are, that could be a red flag.
- Make sure to ground yourself in your daily life
Sometimes in a long-distance relationship, it is easy to get wrapped up in thinking about how far away you are, how much you miss the person, and how tough it can be.
The best way to avoid feeling sad or worried is by being present in your life and with the people in it. Outside of your daily responsibilities, make sure to stay connected to the friends and family near you.
If you do not know many people where you are, the best way to do that is by joining a club, volunteering at a non-profit you are passionate about, or joining a sport or exercise class that you enjoy.
- Make plans for the next time you will see each other
One of the best ways to feel better about the distance is by planning a future trip and talking about all the fun things you can do together the next time you see each other in person.
Remember, only commit to what is feasible for you, and what will not detract from daily life.
As a seasoned marriage counsellor and mental health practitioner at Counselor Prince & Associates Consult (CPAC), I have seen countless couples struggle with the harsh reality of toxic relationships.
Love, once a beautiful flame that warmed their hearts, can morph into a destructive force that leaves emotional scars.
Therefore, recognising the signs of an unhealthy relationship is crucial to breaking free from its grip.
In a toxic relationship, control and manipulation can be subtle at first, but they can escalate into emotional abuse. When one partner dictates what the other wears, who they talk to, or what they do, it is a sign of control.
Emotional drain is another red flag– if interactions with your partner leave you feeling exhausted, anxious, or depressed, it’s time to re-evaluate the relationship.
Gaslighting, a tactic where one partner denies previous agreements or conversations, making the other question their sanity, can be particularly insidious.
It is a form of psychological manipulation that can erode self-confidence and make it challenging to make decisions. Similarly, a lack of respect can be a significant issue in toxic relationships.
When boundaries are consistently disregarded or disrespected, it can lead to feelings of resentment and hurt.
Jealousy and possessiveness can also be warning signs. While some degree of jealousy can be normal, excessive possessiveness can be suffocating. It is essential to recognise the difference between healthy concern and unhealthy obsession.
The impact of toxic relationships on mental health cannot be overstated. The constant stress and pressure can lead to anxiety and depression. Being belittled or criticized can erode self-confidence, making it challenging to maintain a sense of identity. In extreme cases, toxic relationships can even lead to trauma, making it difficult to form healthy relationships in the future.
So, what can you do if you recognise these signs in your relationship? Seeking support from trusted friends, family, or therapists such as CPAC can be a crucial step.
Establishing clear boundaries and communicating them assertively can also help. Prioritising self-care and engaging in activities that nourish your mind, body, and soul is essential.
Couples therapy can be beneficial, but it is crucial to approach it with caution – toxic partners may resist change.
Ultimately, love should uplift and inspire, not drain or control. Recognising the signs of an unhealthy relationship is the first step towards healing and growth. If you are struggling, do not hesitate to seek help. Take a moment to reflect on your relationship – do you feel valued and respected?
Are your boundaries honored? Do you feel happy and fulfilled? If your answers raise concerns, it is time to re-evaluate your relationship and prioritise your well-being. Remember, you deserve to be treated with love, respect, and kindness.
To be continued …
Source: Excerpts from “AVOID REGRETS IN MARRIAGE: How to Choose a Spouse” Book by REV. COUNSELOR PRINCE OFFEI (Mental Health Professional, Lecturer, Published Author, and Marriage Counsellor).
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COUNSELOR PRINCE & ASSOCIATES CONSULT (CPAC COUNSELLOR TRAINING INSTITUTE)
By Counselor Prince Offei
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