Obaa Yaa
She has set spies on me
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a Christian brother of one of the churches in Accra. I am 28 and she is 22 and an apprentice in a salon.
Both of us attend the same church and we have finally decided to tie the knot.
She is been catered for by her two brothers who considers her to be too young for marriage.
Both brothers asked me to stay away from their sister because she is still young and has a long way to go.
I confronted her about the actions of his brothers. Her response was that we should end the relationship.
She told me point blank to find another woman and marry because her two brothers were against the marriage.
Ironically, she has set spies on me, telling my friends she will cause trouble if I don’t marry her.
Barima
Kofrom,
Dear Barima,
Are you prepared mentally, emotionally and financially to get married this year or you are getting married because of pressure from family?
Your former girlfriend is obviously hurt and still loves you that is why she has set spies on you.
But I must say her approach was wrong and immature.
I suggest you approach one of the marriage counsellors in your church and ask them to advise you and resolve the uneasiness between you and your former girlfriend.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Due to a small misunderstanding, my wife has left her matrimonial home and had gone to stay with my in-laws. I have been invited by them to come for the matter to be settled.
However, I have been reliably informed that my wife and my three-year-old son are currently staying with a man.
This is so annoying, I want to call in the police to arrest and charge this man for abduction.
Philip,
Accra.
Dear Philip,
You don’t have a problem with this man. You have a problem with your wife.
Also, do not rely on hearsay to act. I suggest you go to your In-laws to ask of your wife and listen to what they have to say.
Go along with a mature member of your family and discuss the issue.
If it is just a ‘small misunderstanding’ as you say then let your attitude lead to reconciliation.
If it is true that your wife is living with a man and her parents endorse it then that is another matter.
Your family must meet her family squarely on the matter to decide whether your marriage to their daughter is over or not.
But don’t go for a divorce no matter how complicated things may turn out to be. You owe your child his happiness. The police is a last resort.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a girl of 25 years. My fiancé is 30 years. We met about three years ago when my fiancé was in training college. The plan was to get married after his schooling so we started making initial preparations towards that.
Now, my fiancé has started working in readiness to carry on with the engagement but his father says he should hold on because he started work not long ago.
His father doesn’t object to our relationship but he insists that my fiancé should further his education at the University before the engagement.
He warned, however, that if we insist on carrying out with the engagement, then he should be counted out. He would have nothing to do with his son again.
My fiancé also thinks marriage without the consent of the father can be disastrous because the Bible even talks about honouring one’s parents.
Obaa Yaa, my problem is that I cannot wait any longer. I feel like walking out of the relationship because my fiancé is being dictated to by the father. Please what should I do.
Ekua,
Obom.
Dear Ekua,
Probably your fiancé’s father is concerned about a better future for the two of you since marriage can be financially demanding.
What you are calling ‘engagement’ is customary marriage.
I believe you need to accept your boyfriend’s father’s advice and also use the opportunity to either further your education or be financially stable.
It is good to be married but it is better both partners are financially stable so that both of you will not be financially or emotionally drained in the marriage.
Real security is when you and your partner have no ulterior motive for marrying each other but for the sake of mutual love and respect which is based on the fear of God.
