Obaa Yaa
My boss is the problem
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I AM in love with a young man in my office. He is a very kind and gentle man every woman will dream of.
He is 35 and I am 25 years of age. I am currently pursing my Masters at the Accra Technical University in Fashion Design and Textiles.
As a matter of fact, he assists me in my project works, assignment and always ready to help me in times of difficulty.
Interestingly, he has also shown interest in me and we are planning to get married next year.
My problem is that anytime my boss sees him around me, he gets angry and gives him attitude and shouts at him to go to his office.
My fiancée wants to resign because it is making him uncomfortable in the office and this is affecting his attitude towards work.
He is accusing me of having a relationship with the boss. I am disturbed, what should I do?
Baaba,
Takoradi.
Dear Baaba,
It is natural in such a case for your fiancé to suspect your boss might be after you.
Your boss’s attitude to your fiancé is too harsh. He should take it easy with him, especially when he is assisting you with work.
I have a feeling that your boss has an interest in you so seeing your fiancé around you makes him uncomfortable.
However, you can also have a talk with your boss to find out the reason for his behaviour towards your guy.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been married for six years and we have two children together but before I met my husband, he was married to another woman and they had a son.
Their marriage ended after several misunderstanding and she relocated to another region.
Over the years, I accepted his son as my own and never stopped him from supporting the child. In fact, I encouraged him to be present in his son’s life.
Three months ago, his ex-wife lost her job and was evicted from her apartment. Since then, she has been struggling financially.
Just last week, he informed me that he wanted to bring her in our matrimonial home temporary so she could get back on her feet and be closer to their son.
My husband insist there is nothing romantic between both of them; rather he is only trying to help the mother of his child.
I am uncomfortable because I feel bringing her home may ruin my marriage.
Adwoa Comfort, Kumasi.
Dear Comfort,
You are not wrong for refusing to let your husband’s ex-wife move into your home. Your discomfort is valid because the matrimonial home is your sanctuary, and such ‘temporary’ arrangements often lack clear end dates, and create emotional triangles that strain the marriage and kids.
Boundaries protect marriages, and ‘help’ doesn’t have to mean moving her in. While your husband’s desire to help the mother of his child is understandable, calling you ‘selfish and heartless’ for having boundaries is manipulation.
He’s presenting a false choice between moving her in or abandoning her, when other options exist.
He can help her by paying for a short-term housing, helping with job applications, or increasing child support temporarily.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a 40- year-old banker working in a reputable organisation. My wife is a house wife, yet she is engaged in online business.
My wife has left the marriage on three occasion in less than a year of our marriage. The first time she left the marriage was at the bathroom which she accused me of restricting the way she bathed.
She went ahead to remind me that she had a bigger bathroom in her parents’ house.
The second time, she left because I held her lips because she was screaming. I wanted her to be quiet. She went in, packed a few things and went to her mom to complain about near-abuse.
When I went to her house to plead with her to come back, you should have seen the drama.
Yoofi, Takoradi.
Dear Yoofi,
I understand how exhausted and confused you must be, three separations in just a year is not something you should be happy about.
The bathroom incident points to possible controlling behaviour over, but the bigger issue is when you held her lips. That’s a physical abuse, regardless of the provocation. Putting hands on a spouse to silence them, crosses a line and can bring trouble. The cycle of conflict, her leaving, and you pleading to get her back is an unstable loop.
You should stop pleading at her mother’s house; consult a lawyer to understand your legal risk, and get individual counselling to address the situation.
