Obaa Yaa
She doesn’t seem to love me
Dear Obaa Yaa
I am a final year student at the Pentecost University where I met a lady and fell in love with her during my internship.
Though I have expressed my feelings to her, she insists we move our relationship at a steady pace.
Honestly, I am not worried about her suggestion for that approach, so far as the relationship is concerned. Why should I pretend to love and be her friend when my feelings for her are more than that?
Meanwhile, there are moments she wants us to go out and have fun, yet when I make advances towards her, she brushes me aside.
What should I do?
Kofi, Accra.
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Dear Kofi,
I don’t believe you have a problem as your letter explains.
There is nothing wrong to fall in love with this lady and tell her about your feelings.
It is interesting to know that this lady has adopted an intelligent approach of building the friendship gradually.
Note that this relationship could progress into marriage if things go on planned. Do not forget that marriage is a life-long journey which demands you to take the right decision at the right time so that you may not regret in future.
I think her decision to adopt a gradual approach to the relationship will prevent the two of you from taking hasty decisions.
Going out for fun forms part of the gradual approach in a relationship.
Allow her to take a decision at the appropriate time as you do well to also control your feelings.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I took off my wedding rings but could not find it again. I was washing when I took them off and placed them on a wall close to me. Honestly, after washing I forgot to pick them up until the evening, when my husband asked where my ring were, I quickly dashed out of the room to check where I had placed them, but they were not there. My husband made it clear that I was cheating that was why I could take my rings off and lose them.
I was packing to leave the house when the bags fell and I heard a tinkling sound of metals instead of plastic. I looked around the floor, and my rings were lying there.
Who took the rings and kept them there and why would the person do that to me just to shake the foundation of my marriage?
Oye, Tabora.
Dear Oye,
Your husband’s reaction was abusive, not just angry. Accusing you of cheating was just mean.
Rings don’t prove fidelity, trust does. Your response was fair: taking rings off to wash is normal, and cheating has nothing to do with it.
The fact that the rings ‘mysteriously’ ended up in your bags suggests someone moved them deliberately to cause conflict. A partner who jumps to punishment instead of problem-solving will do it again when the next misunderstanding happens.
If indeed your husband threatened and pushed you out, kindly talk to someone you trust in the family or a counsellor before moving back in. If you choose to stay, your husband needs to apologise and let peace to reign.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My life started falling apart the very day I got married. I started experiencing a series of unfortunate events, which nearly broke me.
In the first year into our marriage, I lost a very lucrative job when my wife was pregnant.
I was scheduled for an interview at the Korle-Bu Teaching Hospital.
Immediately I got down from a taxi, out of nowhere, a motorbike at full speed knocked me down. I broke my leg and was admitted to the hospital for three months.
I lost the opportunity for the breakthrough. Since then, things have become difficult for my family. Is my problem spiritual or what?
Mawuli, Keta.
Dear Mawuli,
Stop linking your hardships to your wedding. Job loss, accidents, and unemployment are painful situations but that doesn’t mean your marriage is cursed.
In life, there are misfortunes and I urge you to continue to pray hard and wait upon the lord.
Focus on what you can control right now: your health, your finances, and your mental health.
Focus on your leg, take any work to build momentum, and consider therapy to break the “everything is a spiritual attack” cycle. Talk honestly with your wife; you two are a team, not the problem.
