Obaa Yaa
My second child is not my husband’s
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been keeping this secret close to seven years and it keeps haunting me. Though l am a wedded wife with three children, our second child is not my husband’s but my former boyfriend.
l had secret love affairs with my former boyfriend and became pregnant in the process. Despite the efforts made to abort the pregnancy, l was not successful and, therefore, decided to keep it a secret between me and my boyfriend.
This matter continues to haunt me and l have reached a stage l cannot conceal it any longer. However, knowing the type of person my husband is l can imagine his angry response to this revelation.
The boy resembles my ex-boyfriend and this revelation will not raise any doubt in my husband’s mind.
Obaa Yaa, l am itching to get your response since l am seriously disturbed.
Ama, Accra.
Dear Ama,
This is a sensitive issue which must be tackled with care since it has the potential to break up the marriage and tarnish your reputation forever.
Your husband should not hear about this because even if he is an angel, he will become enraged and hell will break loose.
You have the duty to confess to your priest or pastor who will lead you through series of prayers and fasting.
God sees through all hearts and knows how remorseful one is. The description of your situation shows that you are truly repentant of your sins and with this in mind, God is prepared to forgive and bless you.
This is on condition that you will no longer have anything to do with this former boyfriend of yours. This man carries more blame because he has the audacity to have series of intercourse with somebody’s wife.
Though his biological father, your son will be angry if he gets to know that his real father slept with a wedded wife and you also consented to the act which has resulted in his birth.
Our grandparents endured such instances in the past and were guided by wisdom to keep them as secrets to promote peace in the family.
Having gone through this spiritual exercise, your heart will find absolute peace and forgiveness from God.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I took off my wedding rings but could not find it again. I was washing when I took them off and placed them on a wall close to me. Honestly, after washing I forgot to pick them up until the evening, when my husband asked where my ring were, I quickly dashed out of the room to check where I had placed them, but they were not there. My husband made it clear that I was cheating that was why I could take my rings off and lose them.
I was packing to leave the house when the bags fell and I heard a tinkling sound of metals instead of plastic. I looked around the floor, and my rings were lying there.
Who took the rings and kept them there and why would the person do that to me just to shake the foundation of my marriage?
Oye, Tabora.
Dear Oye,
Your husband’s reaction was abusive, not just angry. Accusing you of cheating was just mean.
Rings don’t prove fidelity, trust does. Your response was fair: taking rings off to wash is normal, and cheating has nothing to do with it.
The fact that the rings ‘mysteriously’ ended up in your bags suggests someone moved them deliberately to cause conflict. A partner who jumps to punishment instead of problem-solving will do it again when the next misunderstanding happens.
If indeed your husband threatened and pushed you out, kindly talk to someone you trust in the family or a counsellor before moving back in. If you choose to stay, your husband needs to apologise and let peace to reign.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
My life started falling apart the very day I got married. I started experiencing a series of unfortunate events, which nearly broke me.
In the first year into our marriage, I lost a very lucrative job when my wife was pregnant.
I was scheduled for an interview at the Korle-Bu Teaching Hospital.
Immediately I got down from a taxi, out of nowhere, a motorbike at full speed knocked me down. I broke my leg and was admitted to the hospital for three months.
I lost the opportunity for the breakthrough. Since then, things have become difficult for my family. Is my problem spiritual or what?
Mawuli, Keta.
Dear Mawuli,
Stop linking your hardships to your wedding. Job loss, accidents, and unemployment are painful situations but that doesn’t mean your marriage is cursed.
In life, there are misfortunes and I urge you to continue to pray hard and wait upon the lord.
Focus on what you can control right now: your health, your finances, and your mental health.
Focus on your leg, take any work to build momentum, and consider therapy to break the “everything is a spiritual attack” cycle. Talk honestly with your wife; you two are a team, not the problem.
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