Obaa Yaa
My second child is not my husband’s
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
I have been keeping this secret close to seven years and it keeps haunting me. Though l am a wedded wife with three children, our second child is not my husband’s but my former boyfriend.
l had secret love affairs with my former boyfriend and became pregnant in the process. Despite the efforts made to abort the pregnancy, l was not successful and, therefore, decided to keep it a secret between me and my boyfriend.
This matter continues to haunt me and l have reached a stage l cannot conceal it any longer. However, knowing the type of person my husband is l can imagine his angry response to this revelation.
The boy resembles my ex-boyfriend and this revelation will not raise any doubt in my husband’s mind.
Obaa Yaa, l am itching to get your response since l am seriously disturbed.
Ama, Accra.
Dear Ama,
This is a sensitive issue which must be tackled with care since it has the potential to break up the marriage and tarnish your reputation forever.
Your husband should not hear about this because even if he is an angel, he will become enraged and hell will break loose.
You have the duty to confess to your priest or pastor who will lead you through series of prayers and fasting.
God sees through all hearts and knows how remorseful one is. The description of your situation shows that you are truly repentant of your sins and with this in mind, God is prepared to forgive and bless you.
This is on condition that you will no longer have anything to do with this former boyfriend of yours. This man carries more blame because he has the audacity to have series of intercourse with somebody’s wife.
Though his biological father, your son will be angry if he gets to know that his real father slept with a wedded wife and you also consented to the act which has resulted in his birth.
Our grandparents endured such instances in the past and were guided by wisdom to keep them as secrets to promote peace in the family.
Having gone through this spiritual exercise, your heart will find absolute peace and forgiveness from God.
A CEO visited his office and saw a man who was scrolling through his phone while sitting on a sofa.
The CEO asked, “What are you doing?”
The man replied, “Wasting my time until I’ll get paid.”
The CEO was furious, “What is your weekly salary!?”
Man, “$1000”
The CEO counted $2000 and gave it to the man, “Take this money and get out! You don’t work here anymore!”
The man silently took the money and left.
CEO walked up to the reception, “By the way, who was this guy?”
The receptionist said, “Pizza delivery”.
I didn’t understand why my father abandoned me as a child until he appeared recently and told me my mom placed a curse on him.
I was about thirteen or fifteen, my mom took me to the front of a big house and told me that is where I belong.
I knocked the door and the man sacked me from the house to go back to my mother.
Life with my mother was very tough until God came through for me to gain a scholarship.
Years later, I’d returned from abroad when this man walked up to me apologising.
I take care of him and provide him with everything. He needs my attention but I doubt if he will get that from me because he didn’t take care of me.
Jojo, USA.
Dear Jojo,
This is such a heart breaking story. No child deserves to grow up wondering why a parent was absent or feeling abandoned.
If your father’s explanation is true, the responsibility for leaving you still rests with him. A curse, fear, or conflict with your mother may explain his decisions, but it does not excuse abandoning his child.
Parents have a duty to love, protect, and remain present in their children’s lives, regardless of the problems between them.
Now that he has returned, it is reasonable to listen to what he has to say, but you do not have to accept everything without question. Ask him honest questions about why he stayed away for so many years, why he never tried to reach you, and what he hopes to achieve by reconnecting now. His willingness to take responsibility for his choices is more important than the explanation he gives.
At the same time, try not to carry the burden of your parents’ conflict. Whatever happened between them was their issue, not yours. You were an innocent child who deserved the love and presence of both parents.
If you choose to rebuild a relationship with your father, let it happen gradually. Trust is earned through consistent actions, not just words. If you decide not to have a close relationship with him, that is also your right. Forgiveness, if you choose it, should be for your own peace of mind, not because you are obligated to overlook the pain you experienced.
Most importantly, remember that your worth was never determined by your father’s absence. His choices reflect his decisions, not your value as a person.
The past cannot be changed, but how you respond now can help you find healing and peace.
