Obaa Yaa
My mother is stressing me.
- /home/u249204778/domains/spectator.com.gh/public_html/wp-content/plugins/mvp-social-buttons/mvp-social-buttons.php on line 27
Warning: Trying to access array offset on false in /home/u249204778/domains/spectator.com.gh/public_html/wp-content/plugins/mvp-social-buttons/mvp-social-buttons.php on line 27
&description=My mother is stressing me.', 'pinterestShare', 'width=750,height=350'); return false;" title="Pin This Post">
- Share
- Tweet /home/u249204778/domains/spectator.com.gh/public_html/wp-content/plugins/mvp-social-buttons/mvp-social-buttons.php on line 72
Warning: Trying to access array offset on false in /home/u249204778/domains/spectator.com.gh/public_html/wp-content/plugins/mvp-social-buttons/mvp-social-buttons.php on line 72
&description=My mother is stressing me.', 'pinterestShare', 'width=750,height=350'); return false;" title="Pin This Post">
Dear Obaa Yaa,
We have been friends for the past two years and our parents know about our relationship. Her parents have even asked me to perform the marriage customary rites.
Recently, my mother returned from the hometown and told me that she has found a girl for me to marry.
I tried to convince her that I was not interested in any girl apart from my present one, but she won’t listen.
My father, however, told me that he would support whatever decision I take.
My uncle then said that I should respect my mother’s decision and go by it.
I can’t do that because I promised to marry my girl, besides my girl has spent so much money on me when I was down financially and was not working.
Apart from that we never had any disagreement because we love each other. How do I convince my mother that she is the right girl for me.
Barima,
Bogoso
Dear Barima,
You should let your mother explain to you why she doesn’t like your current girlfriend and is ready to give you a new lady.
If your mother is currently accusing the lady of so many things try and probe further.
If you are convinced that your mother’s attitude is as a result for dislike she has for your current girl, then you must include the support of your father or a pastor.
But if you figure out that your mother is after your interest, then you and your girlfriend would need a lot of prayers. Which means the two of you, would have change your lifestyle altogether and devote yourself to prayers to get rid of whatever is going on.
It will be a great commitment but efforts will be rewarding. If you are convinced that you can handle it, then go ahead and marry your girl. Your mother will eventually come to accept her when she realises that your wife is making you happy
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I was 22 when Kofi and I got married. For 30 years we have toiled together.
As part of our hustling, Kofi my husband left for his ‘troski’ business at 4am while I cooked kenkey and sold it by the roadside. Every cedi that didn’t go to food went into a ‘Susu’ box under our bed.
We decided to build a house together. I carried water for the mortar. Kofi mixed it. We bought cement in bits. First the foundation, then the block house with four rooms and a shop downstairs.
Though we couldn’t make babies, Kofi loved me and gave me peace.
Kofi died out of stroke last year and life has not been easy.
One week after we buried him, his family members have come for the house and shop because we had no children together.
Yes, I had no child but I had blisters. I had receipts. I have 30 years of shared suffering and love. What should I do?
Afi, Ho
Dear Afi,
Afi, I know this hurts deeply, but don’t leave your 30 years of toil to your husband’s family. Gather every proof you have- the receipts for cement and blocks, photos of you both building, ‘Susu’ records, and statements from neighbours or the mason who saw you work together. This shows ‘joint acquisition’ and the court will consider it. Under Ghana’s Intestate Succession Law, PNDC Law 111, you have rights even without children. You are entitled to household items, part of the estate, and a life interest in the house. Custom cannot erase that. Do not sign any paper Uncle Joe brings until a lawyer has read it.
Get help right away; don’t fight this alone. Go to Legal Aid Ghana for assistance. They offer free support for women in inheritance cases. Talk to your pastor, counselor, or women’s group because this is grief on top of grief.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a young man sharing a rented apartment with three other guys. We rented the place together because we are all students and currently on vacation.
Recently, two of the guys travelled to their hometown, leaving only two of us in the apartment. The problem started when the other roommate brought a lady to the house. At first, I thought she was only visiting, but she has now been staying with us for several days and appears to be living here.
I have spoken to my roommate and asked him to ask the lady to leave because I am uncomfortable having someone who was not part of our original arrangement living in the apartment but he refused.
His argument is that he contributed his share of the rent, so he has the right to decide who stays with him. He says that since his money helped us secure the apartment, I cannot tell him what to do with his portion of the house.
The situation is becoming uncomfortable, and I do not want this disagreement to destroy our friendship. I also do not want to appear controlling or disrespectful.
Please, Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to ask him to send the lady away?
Nana Yaw Frimpong, Accra
Dear Nana Yaw Frimpong,
You are not wrong for feeling uncomfortable. The main issue is not that your roommate has a girlfriend; it is that a shared apartment is being used by an additional person without the agreement of the other people who live there.
Paying his share of the rent gives him rights as a tenant, but it does not automatically mean he can unilaterally turn a shared apartment into a place where his partner also lives.
Don’t make it a fight between you and the girlfriend. She is not the main problem. Your disagreement is with your roommate.
Have a calm conversation with him. Tell him that you respect his relationship, but having someone stay for several days is different from having a visitor for an evening.
Speak to the other roommates. Since they are temporarily away, don’t make a permanent decision on their behalf; they should at least know what is happening.
Set a clear boundary rather than issuing an ultimatum. You can say that you are not comfortable with an additional person becoming a permanent occupant unless all the tenants agree.
If he continues to refuse any discussion, you may have to decide whether the friendship is worth enduring an arrangement that makes you uncomfortable or whether, when the tenancy ends, you should live separately.
