Obaa Yaa
Many disappointments worrying
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I am a graduate teacher plying my trade in one of the prestigious schools in Accra with a good salary. Though l am desirous of getting married, and starting my family on time, three successive relationships have been unsuccessful and the problem keeps worrying me and l am gradually getting frustrated.
The situation has got to a stage that people are pointing accusing fingers at me as the cause of the frequent break ups in my relationships. Some colleagues, who were concerned about the frequent unsuccessful relationships and enquired from me, were satisfied with the explanation l gave them.
Unfortunately, others who could not muster the courage to find out from me held the wrong impression that l was the cause of the problem and, therefore, considered me a bad person.
Having had enough of the ridicule, insults and humiliation among others, l have decided to stay single not to meddle in the affairs of others in order to be embarrassed.
I am worried and incapable of lifting up my head in society. What shall l do?
Frank, Accra.
Dear Frank,
It is my belief that certain things happen without following any particular formula. The unsuccessful relationships you have encounterred could be due to coincidence and should not force you to think otherwise and throw up your hands in total despair.
What you ought to do is to study your lover before you enter into any serious relationship. This will prevent the incidence of frequent embarrassment as you have described in your letter. I wish you success in your next relationship.
My dad has threatened not to attend my wedding; instead, he has been raining curses on me.
Each morning and night, he would call and rain curses on me, telling me I was bringing shame and bad luck to my marriage because I told him, my step father will be present.
I have personally been to his house to invite him, yet he keeps telling me he can’t make it. What should I do?
Kwesi,
Suhum
Dear Kwesi,
Your dad’s curses, guilt, and threats come from his pain and fear of losing his role, but that doesn’t make his behaviour idle.
You can love him as your father and still set a firm boundary for him.
If he crosses that line, end the call or stop replying his messages. Protect your wedding and your peace by limiting contact, especially late at night and early morning, and stand by your partner.
Remember, respecting your dad doesn’t mean erasing the role your stepdad played – both can matter without problems.
Don’t let his behaviour dictate the start of your marriage. You can’t control if he comes around, but you can control not letting his anger affect your emotions.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
Before we got married five years ago, my husband told me that his former wife left him shortly after he lost his job following a financial scandal which rocked the company.
But thanks be to God that the court cleared him and ordered the company to pay him for the five years he stayed at home for wrongful dismissal.
As soon as this ex-wife heard that the company had complied with the court’s orders and paid him, she shamelessly declared that she was making a comeback and has vowed to kick me out of my matrimonial home at all cost.
She promised to hire ‘machomen’ to throw my things out of the house and was prepared to bear the consequence for that action.
Even though my husband has assured me that this would never happen, her ex is bent on disturbing my peace.
What should I do?
Adzo,
Tafo.
Dear Bertha,
The lady is threatening to use violence against you. That’s constitutes a breach of the law and she must be reported to the police for issuing those threats.
However, I will advise you to discuss it with your husband so that you are not seen as acting entirely on your own.
As a matter of fact, it is only the police that can handle this matter professionally and must be involved, unless of course your husband talks to his ex-wife to stop harassing you. So have a good discussion with your husband about the matter. All the best.
