Obaa Yaa
He is ungrateful despite my assistance
Dear Obaa Yaa,
l met my boyfriend five years ago after he had completed Senior High School and could not continue his education due to poverty.
Though a teenager, l had established myself in a lucrative business and was able to expand it to an appreciable height which enabled me to support him to continue his education.
I managed throughout the period until he had his first degree and did his National Service at Mankesim where l visited him a couple of times.
After the service, he opted to teach in a private school to while away the time. After two years, he was able to secure a job at Takoradi and had to move there.
Friends advised me to convince him to marry me but he pleaded that he would like to gather some money before taking that step.
Months followed and my boyfriend failed to visit home as he used to and prevented me from paying him visits with the excuse that his school had arranged series of weekend trips and extra lessons for the school children.
A good friend who knew of our friendship later told me that my lover was married with a child at his new location. Several attempts made to get him on phone to respond to my concerns and questions failed.
A few days ago, he informed me that he was no longer interested in me and that he was prepared to pay for the cost l had incurred in his education.
I was disturbed, cried for weeks unending and in the process fell sick for one month.
Please my heart is troubled about his behaviour and l am not thinking about the money l have spent to educate him. However, l am disappointed in him. What step should l take?
Comfort, Koforidua
Dear Comfort,
You must be commended highly for the effort you have made in educating your boyfriend who has turned out to become ungrateful.
It is, indeed, true that you must be having traumatic experiences and need a counselor to take you through series of lessons in order to calm the growing tension in you.
Though it is not easy to bear such a painful experience, you must try to overcome the pain this gentleman has caused you.
Put your trust in God and do not forget that He is the greatest provider, will help you out of this problem and reward you with a better husband.
God could be taking you from a serious problem in the future if this gentleman had married you.
Dear Obaa Yaa,
I AM 30 years old and the firstborn of three girls. Our mother died six months ago and since then, things have changed in our house.
I travelled for two weeks for work and when I returned, my younger sister, who is 24 years old, had moved all her things into my room. She said our mother gave her the room before she died, which I know is not true. Our mother left no such instruction before she died.
When I confronted her, she insulted me and told me that if I wanted peace, I should move to the boys’ quarters. Our father is not helping; he says we should not bring family matters outside.
I am hurt and angry. This was my mother’s house and I have been taking care of her before she died. How do I handle this without fighting my own blood sister?
First Born, Tema
Dear First Born,
I AM sorry for the loss of your mother. Grief is already hard, and family conflict makes it heavier.
I understand your pain. You sacrificed for your mother, and now you feel disrespected in your own home.
Please do not fight your sister physically or with insults. Once you fight, the family bond may be difficult to repair.
Don’t fight over the room; fight for peace. For now, manage with another space in the house if you can. Winning a room and losing your sister is not a true win.
Call a family meeting. You cannot do this alone. Invite a respected elder in the family, an uncle, auntie or your church elder whom your father and sister respect. Let them sit both of you down and discuss the matter fairly.
Since your mother left no will, everything should be discussed openly. Talk to your father separately. Your father said he does not want family matters outside, which may mean he still wants unity.
Talk to him calmly, one-on-one, and not when you are angry. Tell him how hurt you feel, not just that your sister is wrong.
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Dear Obaa Yaa,
FOR the past year, my mother has been complaining of one sickness after another. Whenever she called to tell me she was in the hospital, she would say the doctor had prescribed some medicines and ask me to send her money. I always did because I believed she was genuinely sick and needed my help.
A few weeks later, she would call again, claiming her condition had worsened. Sometimes it was high blood sugar or high blood pressure, and recently, she complained of sciatica. No matter how much money I sent, there was always another sickness and another medical bill to pay.
I eventually asked her to come to Accra so I could take her to the hospital for a comprehensive medical examination. However, she always had an excuse. She would say her knees hurt too much for her to sit in a car for that long or that her blood pressure was dangerously high.
Every month, I sent her at least GH₵5,000 for medical expenses. The situation became so exhausting that I sometimes stopped answering her calls because I already knew what she wanted to discuss.
Whenever I finally picked up, she would make me feel guilty for not answering.
One day, my aunt called and told me she had something important to share. She sent me a voice recording and warned me not to tell my mother about it.
I was shocked when I listened to the recording. My mother was boasting to someone that she had deliberately refused to come to Accra because she knew I would discover the truth about her supposed illnesses and stop sending her money.
What hurt me most was hearing her say, “If she heals all my sicknesses, what will I eat?”
I was devastated and furious. For an entire week, I refused to answer her calls. When I eventually picked up, she immediately started asking why I wanted her to die.
This time, I could not keep quiet.
Obaa Yaa, am I wrong to stop supporting my mother financially after discovering what she has allegedly been doing? Should I forgive her and give her another chance, or should I maintain my distance to protect myself from further manipulation?
Efe, Accra
Dear Efe,
I CAN understand your anger, disappointment and sense of betrayal. Sending your mother at least GH₵5,000 every month because you believe she is unwell is a significant financial commitment.
Discovering a recording in which she allegedly admits to deliberately avoiding a medical examination so she can continue receiving money from you would understandably hurt you deeply.
The situation is particularly painful because this is your mother, someone you naturally expect to be honest with you.
However, I would advise you not to make your next decision purely out of anger. You have every right to protect yourself from financial and emotional manipulation, but you should also consider the kind of relationship you want to have with your mother in the future.
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